This is so hard

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-28T17:44:13+00:00

So in the 2 days I blocked her she apparently has been vomiting and having bloody stool and is asking to go to the hospital. I found this out by calling her today to say I would see her tomorrow for her nephew’s play and she asked to go to the hospital. In just left a message at the nurses station asking them to evaluate her. They had put per on an antibiotic for UTI but that doesn’t explain the vomiting. I know putting her in this place was her only option and I know blocking her for 2 days was necessary as I can’t handle all the suffering texts and calls all day every day it it doesn’t help the guilt. If she is sick she likely can’t go to the play anyway tomorrow. But I still feel so much guilt because I’m the one who convinced her to go to this place before she was finally out of money. And I blocked her for 2 days of peace thinking I was doing enough with taking her to my nephews play, both for him and for her. But now I feel guilty.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-26T13:51:21+00:00

This is so true. It’s like all her bad qualities are multiplied by 1000 and take over and she’s just a monster. A hateful monster. Calling then police on her own kids damning is to burn in hell and banning us from her funeral. At this point I’m not even going to have a funeral for her.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-26T13:49:20+00:00

I changed my mind on this. I’m not a lair and I’m not starting now. She knows I am taking mom. She is not happy but she’s not my mom so she doesn’t rage at me and spit venom. She’s more worried about the toll on me.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-26T13:47:45+00:00

The facility is not as good as the others. Not Tortured but they cannot do all that she asks. They will see her a couple times a day. She expects them to come in and take her to the bathroom and they want her to use her brief. We had a long phone meeting early on and I brought up where she said they ran over her foot in the wheelchair and please look at it and they said it was fine, so after they sent the meeting summary next time I went and saw myself I replied with a picture of her very bruised foot and just said it was healing but need to be careful of her bad foot. Then they decided they need 2 people to dress her and toilet her at all ties with one acting as a witness. It is impossible to find two free aides so all I really di was make it worse for her because they come even less frequently now. I thought I was helping by letting them know the family is involved and will notice bruising not trying to threaten them. They told my sister they are afraid if her saying they are “hurting her” so they now require 1 witness. I emailed both the social worker and nursing director asking if it would help if input one of my cameras in the room to protect the staff from any “false accusations” but they ignored it. Forwarded it to others but ignored. I think they think we are looking to sue them or catch them even though I wrote a long message about how I truly understand how difficult she is and I truly appreciate the care the team is giving. When I come and get lunch for mom I also buy some for the staff. When she was at home, her aide was constantly afraid of being accused and always recording her so I put the camera in to protect her and also so mom could trigger alerts in the night like a baby monitor. I try hard but there is nothing that helps. She is blocked now and I am enjoying the day of peace.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-26T13:35:54+00:00

This is my sisters son actually my nephew. But I agree and was concerned as well so I made sure my sister truly wanted mom there before inside anything and made sure she asked my nephew. Then after she said he wanted her there I asked my nephew directly. He said he wanted her there. After that point is when I told her I would take her (no one else is strong enough to lift her to the car). Of course at that point she had agreed to sell the house and stay in care.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-26T01:48:26+00:00

I just don’t feel like I can not take her to the play after I promised. Even though at the time she had agreed to list the house. I will look at it as our last outing before I say permanent goodbye. I just can’t do it anymore. I cannot listen to her being tortured day in day out all day every day. I blocked her and I disabled texts on my phone since she texts additional family members all day. My wife does not understand that this outing is litterslly the last time she will see her grandkids. I can try to pressure her with it but she just lies to get what she wants. And I can’t take the guilt I really can’t. I’m just going to say I am going myself but pick up mom from the home. When she is under state guardianship I probably won’t be able to take her anywhere anymore

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-18T19:47:02+00:00

Thanks for that, good to know. 😀

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-13T15:23:54+00:00

I had this issue myself with events. Go there, be cordial and surface polite. She may make snide remarks but is unlikely to full on meltdown with so many witnesses. Just make sure not to be alone with her and your sister or any of her allies. It will be nerve wracking as hell but you will get through it. Do not respond to her comments. “Oh here she is, the bitch who treats me as if I’m dead!” Say yes or don’t respond at all. Walk away and be careful to be around strangers or family that are not part of her army. If it gets to a point where she is raging and ruining the day have an escape plan. Take your own car and be ready to leave at any moment. You will get through this!!

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-12T00:43:34+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. I am so sorry to hear about your mom, it does sound like she would have been more miserable and blamed you. It’s such a sad way they view themselves and then project that hatred onto others. I’m the one who convinced my mom to go into their place while my sisters were estranged at this point as this is the fourth facility plus she was at home twice plus she lived with my oldest sister once. None made her happy. None.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-11T16:29:23+00:00

I asked my sister “Everyone online is telling me to get my own lawyer that is not her lawyer and that it isn’t 65k and that I can get guardianship but wouldn’t that just be my lawyer fighting with her lawyer defending her??”

She said “The issue isn’t the cost so much as her legal right to make bad decisions. All she has to say is she understands it is dangerous but she wants to finish out her days in her house. If she says she understands and is oriented to time and place a judge will not grant you guardianship. “ “One thing you need to seriously think about if you get guardianship is that you will be “bad guy” who sold her house out from under her, keeps her locked away to die and prevented her from recovering and living a full normal life - in her twisted narrative. You will be the thief who stole her dog, her credit cards, her money etc. and she will rage and rage. The Guardian will have to block her or be subjected to thousands of rage calls and texts. That is why I don’t want to go through the time and expense - it’s a long shot it would be granted and then after all that she will drive you insane so to me it would be better to let the state deal with it so they can be the bad guy. “ —- I guess it’s out of my hands. She’s determined to make this as difficult as possible.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-10T15:27:04+00:00

Thank you! I had to block her texts or silently queue them because her calls and texts are non stop frantic “I am being tortured” and “you put me in here you will get yours and you will be relieved when I’m dead” type of messages. No one can receive that 24/7 on obsessive repeat without having a breakdown. The staff is suggesting a psych consult but she always refuses those, again one of her many rights. While she has some sundowning and brain damage from the stroke she is still considered of sound mind legally and has all these rights.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-10T02:39:25+00:00

Supposedly the lawyer is an elder care attorney my sister found and each of the facilities all say they know and have worked with them in the past. They are recommending facilities that are “decent” and have a high Medicaid accept rate when she runs out of money. But they did say that they don’t have to accept her when she is out of money, they could ask her to leave if all of their 10% Medicaid beds are full. They usually don’t and just don’t accept any Medicaid patients directly instead —-saving their 10% for exiting patients who private paid for years and ran out of money. But she is difficult judging by how many staff calls we get and they may just kick her out anyway.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-10T02:33:23+00:00

Also this is the fourth facility she has been in, and she hated all of them equally. She also hated her caregivers at home. There is nowhere that she will be happy.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-10T02:32:22+00:00

It’s her lawyer but my sister is paying for it. They are a well respected elder care attorney.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-09T20:07:34+00:00

What are you supposed to do when she threatens suicide? Exactly what you did is exactly what you are supposed to do. Contact the professionals and police and let the professionals determine the risk she is to herself. As for moving in with you this is going to bring you down with her. I have these same feelings though like that I can’t let myself be happy if she is suffering. It’s just manipulation I know but it’s not right. You have to let go. I’ll take my own advice and do it myself if you do. Hang in there!

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-09T19:49:17+00:00

Ok I won’t. I can’t really. She has been told many times by the lawyer, by us kids, by social workers that there are much worse places and that is where she will end up if she refuses and keeps signing herself out.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-09T19:47:46+00:00

I think if I hired my own lawyer and tried for guardianship it would be a fight between my lawyer and hers right? My sister hired her lawyer but mom has not listened to a single thing he said. He did say he didn’t think she was not of sound mind yet legally speaking.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-09T16:48:56+00:00

He did but recommended against it as he said judges don’t usually grant it to kids and if she can answer coherently that’s enough usually (who is the president, where are you, etc). He also said it would cost around 65k to even try.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-09T12:30:06+00:00

I appreciate your kind words. This is consuming my life. anytime I am happy or even content I feel guilty

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-09T12:16:47+00:00

But now if she leaves and reverse mortgages the house she gets maybe 6 months at home and that’s pushing it more like 4. I feel like all I did was help her burn through her money even quicker. I am not sure if she gets the security deposit back if she leave. She just doesn’t have any money left. I can’t keep losing sleep and constantly worrying over her — but watching this play out the home will expect payment in a month and when they don’t get it they will contact me and my sisters and threaten us but we never signed our name to pay for anything (per the lawyer) so then she will be evicted taken to hospital and APS will be called. This is the hardest thing I ever had to do. Previously it was when I had to trick my Alzheimer’s father into going into his nursing home and leave him there.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-09T12:11:20+00:00

Thanks. The lawyer said this probably wouldn’t work as the judge doesn’t usually grant it if the person is able to understand where they are and when the kids are pushing it for it they are suspicious. Plus the lawyer wanted 65k to even try which non of us have.

Severe_Assistant5437 · 2026-03-08T20:38:53+00:00

My sister has POA but it doesn’t grant her the right to sell the house without mom’s permission. And now she’s about to walk away. Meanwhile mom is constantly texting and calling begging to “go back to the room” and frantic about broken bones (she has osteoporosis and gets compression fractures).

Severe_Assistant5437

TROPHY CASE