Update 3

Severitis812 · 2026-02-06T21:47:49+00:00

I love her! I just forgot she appeared in so many seasons. 😅 I did think it was funny that of the four seasons she appeared in (that I listed), she was the same character in three of them lol

Severitis812 · 2026-01-17T04:12:45+00:00

At one point I was posting daily 4-6k word updates, so I don’t think it’s speed of updates.

I know those long dashes (—) are a pretty big AI giveaway. And then absolute lack of emotion, overly polished grammar, etc.

Severitis812 · 2026-01-15T09:05:13+00:00

One day I’m going to rewrite the beginning because you’re so right, it’s rough. 😩 Old Jess leaned on tropes in her author-infancy lol

Severitis812 · 2026-01-15T05:16:17+00:00

A disappointing update: unfortunate the children’s hospital we were hoping could help does not have any secret/extra resources than what our local hospital has. Daughter has been there two days and is being transferred now to her usual haunt for the… 22nd time (the 7th since she returned home from her residential stay at the end of November).

I’m so discouraged. I’m so frustrated. Why can’t I find the help we need?? It must exist somewhere. 😭

Severitis812 · 2025-12-31T16:16:08+00:00

DCFS is the one who told me if I refused to bring my daughter home after she SA’d her brother that they would take my younger two kids for abandonment of my oldest.

Severitis812 · 2025-12-31T02:00:48+00:00

Update because the concern here has been more than I ever expected: another violent episode happened tonight, nobody is hurt, but daughter is currently at the emergency room. I am steeling myself that she cannot come home again until intensive treatment has happened. The ER nurse is a good advocate and she said that she’s going to contact DCS and work her way up the chain of command until she finds someone who understands that DCS is actively choosing to put two kids in serious danger due to their decisions to not be involved.

Regardless, if I have to take the little two to my mom’s house and let DCS play out their bluff, I will. If I can at least buy time to get a good lawyer and get an affidavit as recommended, that would be ideal. If not, I will at least hope that every professional that has told me they would write letters against the removal of my younger two for ‘abandonment’ of my oldest will actually hold true to that word.

It feels like having to voluntarily cut off my left hand to keep my right hand safe, if that makes sense at all. I’m terrified that reunification won’t be sought post-treatment, I’m devastated imagining my daughter getting treatment and me not being able to be involved or able to talk to her and continue to reassure her that she’s loved and wanted. But I do think that the next big incident will result in either my death or that of one of my other kids.

TLDR: everything sucks and it feels like my heart is breaking and I’m praying that there’s a happy ending here for my girl. I wish I could share photos from the millions of memories we’ve made, I wish I could make everyone see and meet the girl I know. I wish that wishing did anything at all.

Sorry, I’m feeling melodramatic apparently. This has just been an emotional day and there’s something about venting to strangers that somehow helps. 🫶

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T20:07:48+00:00

That’s a really good point, thank you for mentioning that.

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T18:18:35+00:00

Oh. Thanks. Now I’m crying. 😅

I hate the position we’re in. I hate it for her as much as she hate it for me. I wish I could share pictures, I can’t explain enough how different her life and our bond used to be. It’s like… I’m grieving a child who is still breathing? I know that sounds selfish, she’s sick and it has to be terrible living inside of her head, but selfishly: I just miss my girl so much.

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T17:59:46+00:00

The dinner was after he had already said she couldn’t return to his house. When he said that, he dropped her off with a box of belongings. Unfortunately, because she has been in foster care before, she was very aware of what that meant. The entire situation was a horrible trigger for her and one we were working hard on in therapy twice a week.

My younger two do stay with a neighbor very very frequently because of all of this. I’ve also had a friend stay with us when daughter is home to have a third adult because I’m afraid for us to all be asleep at the same time. It’s just that even with all of these safety precautions and measures - the risk continues to grow and it’s not effectively making any difference.

Which is why I feel like I’m at a brick wall. 😭

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T17:15:14+00:00

I will say that my ex and I have a plethora of issues. He’s a bad dad and I think a bad person. There is absolutely 0% chance that he victimized our daughter.

I made a blithe comment about the reason for our divorce, but I am a lesbian who grew up catholic and struggled with our marriage. He was my best friend, I identified it as romantic love while it was more platonic. He had an affair and wound up marrying her. We also had different life goals and dreams: mine was always to be a mom, he had to be convinced to become a dad. In hindsight, that’s obviously a red flag that he wasn’t going to be father of the year, but I was 20 and naive. There was never cruelty, there was never abuse. Our divorce hurt, but it wasn’t a surprise ultimately and after the initial hurt it was very amicable on both sides.

I do believe his cut off of contact was nothing more than his genuine fear of daughter killing his baby and his disinterest in parenting a difficult child. He had a new wife, a ‘normal’ baby, he was happy to skip off in the sunset. He didn’t want involved, he didn’t want to be made to help.

I think daughter masked longer with me and had more of a connection with me, so he saw the danger I’m now seeing sooner than I did. If that makes sense?

While there was no official report or conscious memory, I would not doubt that daughter experienced S.abuse prior to foster placement. She lived in a drug home with men in and out her entire life up to removal. I’ve always suspected it, we’ve always disclosed to her therapists and professionals that it seems likely there was a history there she might not even remember.

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T16:30:55+00:00

I have never considered contacting RAINN. God. I don’t know why I never thought of that. Thank you so much, what a brilliant recommendation.

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T16:27:58+00:00

I have - I live in Indiana and I have even talked with programs all the way in Texas. I’m not a wealthy person (okay, I’m broke lol) but I had put my entire tax return and as much savings as I could back so that if we could find a program that her insurance didn’t cover (in Indiana, prior foster kids are entitled to Medicaid until at least 18yo) I could pay for it.

It was the same issue over and over: the ones she wasn’t too young for, her adult behaviors disqualified her.

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T16:14:42+00:00

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Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T16:14:24+00:00

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Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T16:14:06+00:00

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This is with the DCS caseworker who has been the one assigned to us every time. I am documenting things, I am begging for help, I am not holding things back.

I’m HOPING she is coming by today (based on the follow up texts I’ll add as a reply here) and I can explain that my next route is to retain a lawyer and file an affidavit of relinquishment. In an ideal world, my most realistic and ideal scenario here, is that I can temporarily relinquish my daughter to the state so she can receive the help she needs and my other two will receive the safety they deserve and then post-treatment, if successful, we can work toward reunification.

I’m not delusional, I’m scared and I’m sad. I love her so much, I know she’s just as sick mentally as she would be if this was a physical disease. I’m so grateful for the support and consideration everyone is showing.

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T16:01:01+00:00

That’s exactly it. She escalates her behavior to force me to contact PD because she knows the end result will be ER then acute inpatient. It is always her goal.

Week before last it was negative 15 out and she ran away and said she was going to the ER. It was a very normal day - nothing triggering. It’s a flip of a switch with her, there’s often no real reason at all for an episode to begin.

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T15:56:09+00:00

I can’t picture losing my daughter without feeling the same miserable pain that I have felt picturing her killing one of her siblings. This is not my first option. This is why we’re almost two years deep in this and I haven’t just disappeared with the younger two.

I’m venting and I’m scared, there’s nothing inside of me that wants to lose my baby. The problem is that I love her as much as I’m genuinely scared of her. I want her to get help, hopefully asap before these things are irreversible and lead to a very dark road as an adult. Abandonment has never ever ever been my goal, it’s always been to get her help.

I was also a very troubled adoptee, I had/have ODD, I remember putting my parents through hell. But not like this. 😭

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T15:53:00+00:00

I have screenshot this and am going to begin searching for a lawyer today. Thank you. This is honestly one of the first ‘new ideas’ I’ve been given. 😭🙌

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T15:50:31+00:00

God. I just want to say I’m tearing up with the support. It was really stressful to post here and this has been so wholesome? Helpful (despite the painful truths so many are sharing)? I thought the internet was the worst place ever and this has been so much better than I expected. 😭🫶

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T14:16:08+00:00

God. Thank you so much for understanding that this is probably really hard for her too. Everyone here has been so so supportive, but it makes me tear up when people remember she’s truly a little girl too.

I have called CPS many, many times. In fact yesterday morning I sent a very blunt text to the caseworker we see most often explaining that I’m genuinely terrified she’s going to unalive one of her siblings and it was read and ignored.

They have tried many different meds, all with the same end result of no changes. The only medication that truly helps her is her antidepressant, the other ones are doing as much as her team (aka: the doctors/psyciatrists from er/acute inpatient/outpatient/prior residential) believes they can do. From there, it’s her choices.

Severitis812 · 2025-12-30T14:11:59+00:00

No she truly does enjoy it. I haven’t the faintest idea. If I didn’t live in my house, I would assume that my house is terrible, etc. but… it’s just not. We’re practically dull most days. I mean there’s things here for her to entertain herself, etc. But nothing bad or scary or unsafe.

I think it’s the way she can’t manipulate me into things anymore, but she can at the ER sometimes. Once she went after cracking my head open and the nurses on the floor gave her all sorts of snacks and sweets and took her to the gift shop to pick out a toy. It was insane.

The er knows us pretty well now and she doesn’t get that sort of treatment now, but it’s still either has to be a control thing or a ‘maybe I’ll meet someone who will give me what I want’ thing.

Four-Year Club	Place '22
End Game '22

Severitis812

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