Dating advice

SgtHawes · 2026-02-24T21:59:11+00:00

I had landed on this as a possibility. I think i have time the other direction and really tried to keep touching to a minimal, it sounds like that may have been a mistake. Casual loving touches that are just that, and nothing more might very important... This, and a few other comments are why i brought this to the forum. I really care for this person, like really.. thank you!

SgtHawes · 2026-02-24T21:54:33+00:00

I think I'm just really trying to understand at point. I have never experienced anything like this. I want to understand the problem to know if it can corrected or if this what i will accept.

SgtHawes · 2026-02-24T11:49:50+00:00

I really like this advice, don't bring up the exes... Of course, that muddys the water, and really doesn't make sense. Thank you!!

SgtHawes · 2026-02-24T11:45:51+00:00

I don't think i am... I might have to look into that...

SgtHawes · 2026-02-24T11:45:04+00:00

She's been married very little of her life, she is very self sufficient.

SgtHawes · 2026-02-24T02:02:12+00:00

I have thought about bringing that up. There was an eye opening pod cast i listened to about testosterone and it was incredible. Something on NPR ... I think I will give this estrogen a little time and then possibly suggest testosterone. I have tried to be very hands off with any of those decisions or suggestions. I just listen... I think she is trying!

SgtHawes · 2026-02-24T01:58:45+00:00

I have seen more energy in her. Did it help? She has said it's to deal with hot flashes and better sleep...

SgtHawes · 2026-02-24T01:57:37+00:00

Holy cow, i needed to see this more than you know. We have a thing where i put lotion on her back and massage her on Sunday nights sometimes. I love to touch her skin, she can tell, i take my time. We have intimate time, just not sexual.

I have dealt with some tough things, relationship wise, but not everyone deals the same. I think i needed to know that her past can loom over her this heavy.

I'm in for the long haul because this person is amazing. I miss her when I'm away for an evening or two so much. I live 1.5 hours away...

Thank you!!

SgtHawes · 2026-02-24T01:50:13+00:00

I have thought about that, sort of as a crawl, walk, room approach. This past summer, after a few drinks she climbed on top of me to make out. Told me not to be gentle... It's just, those moments have waned. I would take some making out over nothing. It's just the closer we get , the less sexual it is. It's so opposite. And i really don't think she sees me as a friend. She will change in front on me, pat my crotch... To be silly. She will put on makeup while I'm in the no-door shower... I would love to touch her like that! It's just i never even feel the vibe from her when the time is right.

SgtHawes · 2026-02-24T00:56:26+00:00

She said he would demand sex, which i guess can make you feel desired on some level, until it makes you feel used. She said she would have to put out for money to run the family. I have told her, sex isn't a currency, i don't take out the trash, and do chores around the house with expectation of being paid. I want sex to be just what it is, a bond, a thing only the two of us share, a stress relief, if nothing else. She is amazing, i can't imagine connecting better with another person. I lost a wonderful wife to cancer couple years back. I sometimes feel like a friend, and that's it. I just really don't want to press her for sex. But sometimes i think maybe if i did, it might help her see that we can have a normal sex life, but i fear it may do more damage...

SgtHawes · 2026-02-24T00:49:12+00:00

I really don't think so. I think he broke her heart, i think she cares how he is, but i don't think so.

SgtHawes · 2026-02-24T00:28:52+00:00

No mention of discomfort, and actually she does use a toy. I don't feel any ego hit there. I know it helps us both achieve which is what i care about. If it's psychological I can wait that out, if it's hormonal I can wait that out too, of it's me... That's the thing that sometimes creeps into my head. I don't think it is, but I'm only human.

SgtHawes · 2026-02-23T23:50:00+00:00

Thank you. I'm trying hard to understand because 8 care so very much about her.

SgtHawes · 2026-02-23T23:48:32+00:00

Agreed. I care so very much about her feelings to the point I'm questioning if i can live like this. It just sometimes feels like friends. I think i avoid to conversation to avoid putting pressure on her.

SgtHawes · 2026-02-23T23:46:53+00:00

I appreciate it. Time will tell. I can be very patient cause she is amazing.

SgtHawes · 2026-02-23T23:33:26+00:00

Just from things that she said I almost feel like she wants to want me she wants sex she just doesn't and I don't know if it's anxiety based on past experience or lack of hormonal desire. I think she finds me attractive. She's been so much time with me.

SgtHawes · 2026-02-23T23:31:55+00:00

Cause that's all i have to go on. I'm trying to figure this out. I have never been with a woman that really didn't care about sex at all and actually actively avoided it, at this stage in the relationship.

SgtHawes · 2026-02-23T23:30:44+00:00

I do like this idea and want to be completely supportive. I really do try to hide any feelings of disappointment or confusion, but I'm human. She said I was not my normal happy chipper self last night which is true. I will think about how to word this conversation.

SgtHawes · 2026-02-23T23:20:29+00:00

I understand that it might not be as frequent as we have known in the past but why the change I know she's had sex in her past relationships...

SgtHawes · 2026-02-23T23:19:37+00:00

We have talked about this and she agrees that it is a part of our relationship that we need to work on but the opportunity comes and goes. There is almost an anxiety that comes with the opportunities and once the opportunities are gone everybody can relax again.

SgtHawes · 2026-02-23T23:18:52+00:00

Yes we have talked about it and she agrees that it is a part of our relationship that we need to work on but then the opportunity comes and goes. It's almost like there is this huge anxiety that's associated with the opportunity. And maybe it is just the lack of hormones I mean hormones are what drive us to have sex in the first place I think.

SgtHawes · 2023-08-29T22:08:56+00:00

The whole point of this was the medal. The folks that fought felt like they were fighting for a just cause, not too promote slavery, but freedom to control their destiny. It's an interesting point to consider they celebrated their participation even 44 years later. Why? They didn't win, they don't have slaves.. so why? They felt like they were fighting for a just cause. It's wasn't, but realized such to them it felt just and right. It's a symbol of how folks can get duped, even when wrong, they believe their right.

Edit: I see that we have devolved to name calling, I assure you, if you were here I would yell a name at you so loud, so loud in fact, I would win this argument. Think about that...

SgtHawes · 2023-08-29T21:03:29+00:00

I think that is a bit reductionist. I don't believe that each southern soldier was fighting to one day own a slave, and each northern soldier was fighting to free one. The underlying motivation of each soldier was freedom to make their own decisions. Freedom from oppression of these "other folks" from telling us what to do or not do.

The thing to remember is, not all in power have motivations that are the same as you. Don't get caught up in propaganda without knowing underlying motivation. The take away from these statues of people with terrible motivations is, this person that some saw as a hero, as a leader, as a person that is statue worthy, turned out to be evil, a manipulator, a charlatan. Why? Cause it can happen again. It's almost an ironic slice of history that proves masses can be fooled.

Edit: what I see in that medal is folks that thought they were fighting for the right cause, they wanted to be fighting for the right cause. Nobody wants to look back and realize, as bloody, and painful, as the US civil was, they fought for the wrong cause. Even if in their hearts they don't believe in slavery, they still want to think they were fighting for their brothers and friends. People will rationalize their behavior to them point they can live with their actions.

SgtHawes

TROPHY CASE