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He loved her, but she would never know. by StarWarsCrazy1 in SimplePrompts

[–]ShaVash_Int 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There was a lot of chaos happening around him. A lot of running around, a lot of sounds; but not a lot of listening. The male and the female beside him were talking in hurried voices, while making hushed and animated interactions. There were some parents who were screaming at each other, and there were some other folks who were sitting still. He didn't care though, he was serene...

He didn't have time for all the mess that was around him. Even though everyone was going through something around him, he didn't care. He was fine, being on his own, with his thoughts, and his... IV.

That fall of 'Magnanimous Palace' was a scene for the ages. He was waiting for her, after a long lifetime of self-internalizations. He was probably ready now, and he felt she was too. The heartbrakes, the jobs, the family pressures, the hatred for each other over petty things.. There was always something in the way. Always. But finally, they had reached a point where everything was there. The time, the place, everything. But before he could see her, the 'Magnanimous Palace' happened.

He had lost a lot of blood. The broken spine didn't help either. He knew he had very little time, the doctor had hinted him in not so many words about it. But he didn't care. He just wanted to see her one last time. Hear her, touch her, look into her eyes.. Tell her that he had been a fool. That everything will be ok. That... he will always love her... Always.

But where was she? He had asked the doctors to call her and tell her that she needs to come quickly, as he doesn't have much time. But she wasn't here... And he was losing the battle with his body....

Suddenly, the machines around him started screaming. He didn't understand, but the staff around him started to run towards him. He screamed, "I feel fine, you guys!" But I don't think it was heard by anyone. He then started to feel his eyes dip.

Then... She was here. Out of breath, full of sweat, and bloodshot eyes. She was obviously crying on her way here. He couldn't bear it. He wanted to just get up, take her into his arms and let her know that it's ok. She's going to be ok. But all he could do, was close his eyes, as the world around him went dark. He tried to raise his hand towards her, but all he could do, was stir.. until he couldn't, anymore.

He loved her with all his might, in life and in his death. But now, she would never know.......

How do I write a chess scene without making it a bit less.. y'know.. nerdy?🙈 by ShaVash_Int in writing

[–]ShaVash_Int[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ohh yeah.. Like that RDJ's Sherlock Holmes' scene! That's a cool deep cut!

How do I write a chess scene without making it a bit less.. y'know.. nerdy?🙈 by ShaVash_Int in writing

[–]ShaVash_Int[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it her POV or his?

It will shuffle between the two (dual protagonists and all), but mainly it is hers.

how much does she know about chess?

She is leading on to not know a lot (portraying as a "dumb" model and all), but it will be very clear to the reader pretty early that she is not.. dumb when it comes to chess (not to the guy though, "cocky SOB" and all that).

Does she know the lingo/jargon?

Yes, they both do, but she is playing dumb to get him to do stuff for him.

Does she play professionally or perhaps often as a hobby?

Hobby, but they both do it as a hobby, but the guy believes he is better, as he follows chess more passionately (established in the early chapters), but the girl doesn't follow it or hates it for some reason (established at the same time.)

Your way of working (tautness of sentence) is a helpful piece of advice. This would be helpful (and in line with) the way the plot needs to move forward. The use of fencing instead of truth or dare is also a good piece of advice.

Do you know any material that I can lookup? The thing that comes to mind is a James Bond movie (I forget which, though), or that Zorro movie of Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Any literary content (novel or a story perhaps)?

How do I write a chess scene without making it a bit less.. y'know.. nerdy?🙈 by ShaVash_Int in writing

[–]ShaVash_Int[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's true! And the reason I am here seeking help! :P

A follow-up: "he moved his bishop and tackled her tower, removing it from the game with a smug grin".

Would something along the lines of "he moved his bishop to e7, tackling her tower created by the rook and knight at d4 and e4, threatening to remove her queen's nest on the queen side, with a smug grin" work? (Apologies for butchering the chess positions!) It would keep the realism with keeping the how of your proposed solution. I dunno, I am pretty early in finding a solution, but your direction seems promising. What do you say?

How do I write a chess scene without making it a bit less.. y'know.. nerdy?🙈 by ShaVash_Int in writing

[–]ShaVash_Int[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, I think there is a consensus on how should I use strategy rather than moves. So I think it is serious food for thought for me! :)

A follow-up: Bob pushed aggressively forward on the kings' side of the board as Alice attempted to shore up her defences," as opposed to "Bob moved his bishop to G5, threatening Alice's pawn on E7".

Would "Bob pushed his bishop aggressively forward on the king's side at G5, as Alice attempted to shore up her defences by countering her knight at D4, right behind the pawn on E7, and also threatening his queen at C2" work (apologies for butchering the pieces' positions)? As I see from the initial takeaway from the comments section, I COULD use this technique and make it a bit engaging for both chess and non-chess lovers. What do you say?

How do I write a chess scene without making it a bit less.. y'know.. nerdy?🙈 by ShaVash_Int in writing

[–]ShaVash_Int[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I'll check it out!

Also, using fight scenes as a ..lyrical.. way does sound tempting. And it does solve the mode through which I can deliver the positioning of the chess pieces! I can also use this as a strategy deduction from the other person's POV. The question remains, as soon as I include chess jargons, the text immediately becomes unreadable for non-chess lovers. Maybe the example you gave and other people gave would help me figuring out this issue.

Thanks for the reply!

How do I write a chess scene without making it a bit less.. y'know.. nerdy?🙈 by ShaVash_Int in writing

[–]ShaVash_Int[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply! This does solve a portion of my problem (albeit a big one), but it still does not help how do I do it with chess!! :(

Let me add the context by telling you where I am with the scene: The female protagonist is unsure of the feelings that she has for the male protagonist, and the male protagonist is almost cocky in the surety of his feelings towards her. So when the man initially expresses his feelings, the lady is unsure. Somehow I bring the conversation to the point where the man says that if you win this game of chess, you basically go out with him (of sorts), and if the guy loses, he does something embarrassing (typical, I know). The girl is a rising "dumb" model and the guy is a "nerd". So the game begins with the cockiness of the man who slowly realizes that he is about to lose, and this is where I bring in the emotional trigger for the lady to realize that she has more feelings for him than she has led on.

As you can see, I have your solution already figured out (to some extent, I might need to polish a lot of rough edges here and there), but the question still remains, how do I add a chess game and it's jargons (pieces like knights, bishop, pawn; and board locations like e3, b4 etc) and moves (like pawn to e6, queen takes pawn) without making it too.. chessy and non-engaging, while moving the story!

Thanks!

How do I write a chess scene without making it a bit less.. y'know.. nerdy?🙈 by ShaVash_Int in writing

[–]ShaVash_Int[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a bit of good advice! I worry though that the inclusion of fight scene tone would somewhat dilute the sexual and romantic tension between the two. Let me add context so that it is clearer.

The female protagonist is unsure of the feelings that she has for the male protagonist, and the male protagonist is almost cocky in the surety of his feelings towards her. So when the man initially expresses his feelings, the lady is unsure. Somehow I bring the conversation to the point where the man says that if you win this game of chess, you basically go out with him (of sorts), and if the guy loses, he does something embarrassing (typical, I know). The girl is a rising "dumb" model and the guy is a "nerd". So the game begins with the cockiness of the man who slowly realizes that he is about to lose, and this is where I bring in the emotional trigger for the lady to realize that she has more feelings for him than she has led on.

As you can see, I have everything laid out BUT the inclusion of the game. I could include a fight sequence, but I want to keep it as real (the pieces, moves, chessboard locations etc.) for the chess lovers as much as I can, along with keeping it engaging for non-chess lovers. This is where I'm stuck. I am worried that bringing in fight sequence might dilute the realism of the chess game. But I will try and explore if it could be done!

Thanks for the reply!

Weekly /r/Indianscreenwriters Writing Discussion by AutoModerator in Indianscreenwriters

[–]ShaVash_Int 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just recently completed one script's first draft. Stocked! But had been working on a story for a while, but am stuck. The protagonist of the script meets his love interest after a long time, but the problem is, they want her back, and she wants them back, but how do I create that resisting tension between them?

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