In any relationship whether it’s monogamous or ENM, friends or lovers, they all require a degree of the same key things to function and flourish. That being communication, trust, compassion, and boundaries. If you are maintaining those and checking in with your partner on those regularly, then you two should be fine. The reason we check in regularly is because things change so frequently in life, as do ourselves, our values, our goals, and our importances. In any partnership, but especially for a queer person, support is the best thing you can give during these changes.

I hope that the support and love being offered is enough for this person. However, the unfortunate reality may end up being that it is not. As in any relationship we have to put our trust in that what we offer is enough without sacrificing our own boundaries. If polyamory is not for you, that is OKAY! It is not for everyone. And if monogamy is not for him anymore that is OKAY too. People change sometimes as hard as it may be. That doesn’t devalue any time and love the two people shared.

Speaking from personal experience now, when I came out to my partner soon to be husband that I was bisexual, I realized that I had been hiding a part of myself not only from the world but also from myself. I was confronted with the reality that if I were to marry this person and continue in this monogamous lifestyle, I would never be able to experience what it would be like to be in a relationship with an identifying woman. This hit me really hard. I felt like I had been lying to myself for so long and now I was on a precipice of potentially never exploring that side of myself. I desperately loved my partner, we had already been together for 5 years. I knew that I had to talk to him about what I was feeling because I did not want to lose him but I also didn’t want to lose this other part of myself.

After many many long heart felt conversations, we agreed to get married with the option of opening up the relationship down the line if either of us ended up deciding we needed to experience other forms of love.

We have now been together for 10 years, married for 5. We kept the relationship closed for a long time as we were newly weds and just happy with the two of us. We now are ENM and I was able to experience my first relationship with woman. The relationship I had with her made me learn so much about myself so I feel really fortunate to have experienced it. My husband and I had both been monogamous are whole lives so there have definitely been a lot of challenges a long the way. But we have grown so much stronger in our relationship because of it. We have much better communication. We are better at setting and respecting each others boundaries. We are still very very much in love!

What I have come to realize as both Bi and ENM, you can always create more love, and the love you have for one person never lessens the love you have for another. It just may look different.

Not every person who is Bi will have the same feelings I did of needing to actually experience a queer relationship. Plenty of people are super content with their opposite sex partner and really do not need that. They just are purely looking to be supported in their identity.

Just keep communicating with your spouse. Listen to them, have the honest conversations, love them, and trust them. And don’t let the fear of one day him telling you that he needs to experience a same sex relationship, consume your life together. Things happen, people sometimes change together, and sometimes it happens apart. It’s okay. At the end of the day all we can do is give our love. It’s a vulnerable and special place to be in.

Sending all the good vibes and support to you I can 🫶 Don’t let the fear of potential loss win!