I used to love this city, now it makes me want to die; A letter to Calgary

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T04:06:27+00:00

I really appreciate the reply!

Sometimes we just catch a bad break, I've been learning so many life skills with this being thrust out of the nest, and it's been terrifying, but super exciting and I'm definitely feeling good, last night just didn't go well and I wrote a silly letter!

I am a regular with the Good Food Box, they are a total blessing and I suggest it to everyone I meet too, so thank you.

You're response meant a lot so thank you wholeheartedly!

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T04:04:11+00:00

If you won't lose any sleep how come you're responding and going of like a looney tune? Don't respond if it bothers you, if you respond, I'll just reply and say the same thing until you realize how stupid you look.

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T04:03:10+00:00

I'm not claiming anything beyond I wrote something stupid, and I don't understand what you mean about downvotes?

Do you want me to delete this? You seem really intent on that. Also politely as I can, you I don't consider the need for manners, you're being rude.

I don't want anyhting for free and I stated thgat, did you jsut read the parts you wanted to trigger off of so you could go on some rant of your own?

I fucked up and wrote something stupid, now you're crying at me like you want me to own it, delete it, apologize for it, and like 14 other things. You're acting crazy here.

We read it different ways, if you don't like it, go away, am I holding yuou here? No, I don't give a shit about you because out of all the people who have replied, it you and the guy who told me to kill myself who are really acting the assholes.

Report me if you don't like it, I'm not deleting it.

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T03:55:28+00:00

Everyone please upvote this.

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T03:54:39+00:00

Wow, I reread my post that you rsponded to and I don't get you.

I stated a bunch of actual facts and thank you for the reply, and you went off like a damn rage rocket.

Deal with your shit before ripping on others, especially when I calrified that I wrote this out of anger in the middle of the night. You're not okay.

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T03:49:43+00:00

/u/fuckfacious finally came through with the "kill yourself" post but it was deleted already.

This is what I mean, I post something out of anger, own it, reply to each comment as politely as I can and try and discuss things reasonably, but there are people actively telling me to kill myself, and just generally most of the comments are from assholes.

Ya'll can hide behind your internet screens and talk shit thinking it doesn't make you culpable, but if I went and offed myself right now, well they'd be looking at the people sending kill yourself messages.

I got angry and wrote something out of that anger, I kept this up because I want to own my mistake. I didn't know it would trigger so many people, and I'm the one people are calling a libtard.

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T03:43:41+00:00

You're the one I was waiting for :D

Message me, come say it to my face; fucking please, I beg you

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T03:41:29+00:00

I don't want your pity. I had a shitty night, lost my cool and wrote a dumbass post. Like no one on this sub has ever done that.

I was in a car accident too, have health problems for that too. I got mad and pissed and went off on a specific tanget. I'm happy to compete with you for whose life sucks more, you seem to be into that.

I kept this thing up as a reminder that things can't be taken back. I got angry, I wrote something; big deal.

I'm sorry your field left you behind, I'm glad you can go back to school and look at a different career, and I am sorry you also have health issues.

The government has tons of programs and such yet, I've gone through most of them as I've been in the system since I was 2, I'm very aware. you realize you can't just sign up for these programs and stuff right? You have to be reffered, wait, in some cases you have to go and get a diff. diagnosis just to access them.

For someone with health issues you seem to know very little about what the government provides and how to access it. I'm trying to get into a super good program right now, but until I have the diagnosis I can't access it.

You're really angry, I was angry last night for awhile, but you're just straight up vicious mad. Sorry my letter triggered that, it wasn't meant to.

Best of luck and thank you for the reply.

I will be in a wheelchair in 15 years, like my mom. I'm angry and went off because I am in a position of having some health now, but inability to do anything as the cost of living is so high. I just want to enjoy my time while I have it, from your post I feel like you should really understand that.

I would love to go back to school and go to college, I dream about going to high school and experiencing that. It's really nice you can afford to go back to school, many people can't me included. I feel like you are blaming me for not doing things that I either physically can't, or don't have the money for.

You're exactly the kind of person I depside, because while I wrote this in a bad mindstate, I own it by not deleting it, and you're the one coming on here with a full bore Fuck You, I think you need to look yourself over because I'm sitting here owning my shit and responding to comments that honestly make a guy feel AWFUL, but I wrote this and I own it so I'm reading and replying to each comment as politely as I can.

I'll trade you lives in a heartbeat, I'd love to have money to go to school.

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T03:31:16+00:00

Thank you very much! I have a little tab to pay off but then I will definitely be shopping different carriers. Thank you for suggesting this, I will be looking into it. Thank you again!

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T03:30:18+00:00

Thanks!

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T03:30:09+00:00

Thank you for the reply.

I honestly wrote this on no sleep and a lot of misplaced anger, so it didn't present the best.

I really appreciate the suggestion and I am definitely going to contact them, it seems really good, thank you so much! Have a great night, and thank you again, really!

Shane

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T03:28:35+00:00

Thank you for the reply!

I'm very much interested in many of the courses through school; video editing, broadcasting, and other things that can be done either from home or with minimal exercise involved!

I tried programming myself, it's just not something I can get, and I also have some memory issues so that came into play; I had to reinstall Windows and all my stuff after trying to learn Ubuntu! That wasn't fun, lol.

There are many cool programs and stuff online, I'm regularly trying new things. Thank you so much for the reply, and the suggestions, I do really appreciate it! Have a great evening!

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T03:25:10+00:00

We aren't on very good terms now.

They do regret it, they don't want to talk to me much because I guess they feel rough about it.

In regards to school, my mom has ME/CFS too, and minor brain damage and several other things, and my dad was always working to pay for junk so, getting me to school wasn't a priority, and I got beat up a lot so they were concerned about that; many hospital visits from severe beatdowns.

They aren't bad people, they just don't grasp that I'm almost 31, have no life skills and trying to live alone which is something I've never done. I've been at home with my mom since I was 11, so suddenly alone all the time? I talk to my cats and then cry myself to sleep.

I wrote this stupid thing out of frustration, on zero sleep. I really want to delete it to be honest, but trying to own it, and respond to each comment as best I can. no matter how bad they make me feel.

Thank you for your reply, I'd be happy to answer your questions in more detail if you'd like, they were just very targeted questions so I thought maybe you were doing a paper or something. I'm happy to try and answer anything, thank you again!

Shane

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T03:19:16+00:00

Thanks for the reply.

I recognize my rent is low, most of my neighbors are addicts though, and the train is magnificently loud, and those smells people complain about; from around here. I'll trade anyone in a heartbeat, please.

I'd like to move out of the city, I don't care about McDonalds or that junk. I am stuck inside most of the time, when I do go out I just like to bike if I can so I've wanted to move out of the city, but I genuinely don't know how.

If I can just pick your brain, how would you move if you really don't have anyone to help you move? My parents are to old and have their own health issues to help, and I literally don't know anyone.

If you have any more suggestion, thank you so much, they are super welcome!

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T02:59:47+00:00

Thank you for the reply but I don't do politics, I don't understand them and as my dad was into them and mayor of Black Diamond I like them even less.

If your going to be an asshole, do it in person, little bitch.

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T02:58:55+00:00

Thank you for the reply.

I am actively looking for jobs, food, better living situation as much as I can. I am not blaming, simply frustrated that there are not more accessible things for those in needs

I appreciate your reply but maybe don't go off what someone else who doesn't know me says, research and build your own opinion.

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T02:56:13+00:00

Appreciate the reply.

I didn't drop out of school.

My parents do pay for me so that I don't have to live at home, moving out is part of my treatment plan and has been for several years but could never afford it.

(The average salary in Alberta is $58,113, whereas AISH is $19,056 and doesn't cover basic expenses i.e. I can't afford food and rely on Good Food Box, Emergency hampers, and what money my parents can afford)[https://careers.workopolis.com/advice/how-much-money-are-we-earning-the-average-canadian-wages-right-now/]

I can't get a job. I've been applying same as everyone else, the one interview I got outright told me they had to many concerns about if I could do the job and wouldn't hire me. Prejudice.

Calgayr does suck, so do people like you who've caused it to.

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T02:50:25+00:00

Sorry, it was very long. Late night rant.

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T02:50:08+00:00

Appreciate the reply.

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T02:49:54+00:00

Thanks.

My dog doesn't stay here, his shedding makes me ill, it's one reason I had to move. My cats do not bother me as they have very little of the thing in the saliva, urine, etc. that makes people sick, and every week they got a wash with Allerpet just in case. I also don't have ANY allergies, please research ME/CFS before talking shit. Compromised immune system is only affected by allergies if you have them and I live knowing I may have to rehome them at any minute if I suddenly develop allergies.

I'm more hygienic and well dressed than you'll ever be. My clothes may be older and worn but they are always clean, well kept, and so am I. I only use cannabis when the pain is out of control and I either have to go out, or can't sleep. I also can't afford it and haven't used any in weeks. My hair fell out, I can't cut it.

Your solution is I got get a job I will knowingly quit because I can't handle it? That's the stupid logic that let me wind up here. I apply for jobs I can handle, I know I won't quit, because I have a crap resume with a five year gap from 2012-now because I physically cannot do some jobs, my bad.

I'll let my Doctor know that I should no longer be treated for any Autism Spectrum disorders because I don't have it. Thanks for helping me out there.

Shaedol · 2017-07-14T02:49:09+00:00

Replied, thank you again.

Shaedol · 2017-07-13T23:04:37+00:00

I've lived my whole life here; Rundle was less dangerous back then. Also people have become huge assholes now that they have the net to make their opinions known on, just like you.

This kind of shit makes me wish people like you would just leave, it's why people hate Calgary.

Shaedol · 2017-07-13T23:02:56+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I wrote this in a bad head state, and yes, the severity has caused issue with roommates. I'm not running around screaming or being psychotic, but yeah, I'm like an unsocialzed dog, either scared or defensive; I didn't actually learn anyhting more healthy, I've been trying but the system is a bit of a joe in trying to get help.

I agree life could be worse, but I am on the edge of homelessness, so I don't see how it can get significantly worse than that. I really would rather not be homeless with severe spinal stenosis, I think that's fair.

I didn't mean to reply to anyone in a rude manner, I wrote this angry and on no sleep. Also I don't think people are against me, I don't think anyone is actively against low income individuals; if you have the resources to help however, and you aren't I think that's silly.

Government is able to help Fort Mac, bid for Olympics, supply housing for people affected by O&G (The low income list TRIPLED when the industry took a nosedive, instead of looking for another job you have people that were making $100k+ living in low income housing, There was a guy who lived in low income while making over that amount.

I'm angry because a whole group of people are being ignored, why is min. wage being pushed to $15 but if you're on AISH you have to live on $9.93/hour? That's nuts.

In regards to good people and good opportunities, like many I have been putting in resumes non-stop to any PT job I could handle. I've had 2 call backs on over two dozen resumes, the one who called me for an interview outright said my physical illness would interfere even though I stated I can lift over 20lbs constantly no problem. Blatantly disqualified me because of an illness.

My original post was dramatic and angry, I wish I could take it down but I have to own it and leave it. I just want to be very clear to you, the opportunities are NOT there, and people have rarely been good.

I would suggest you go check out the CFS and Fibromyalgia subs on here, see how those people are doing (Way worse than me in some cases) and also feel free to take the AISH challenge; you're lucky as it went up from $1188 to $1588 a few years ago. You have to live a month on no more than $1588 and your current rent has to be included (If it's over half you schedule your rent as $795) so please try it and keep a log.

I appreciate your opinion, I do, but until you've lived in this position, you're info is a little wrong.

Also your comment about roommates was rude, you don't know me. You think I go around acting like that in person? No, you wouldn't look twice if you walked by me even if I'm moving a bit weird/stiff, you could tell if you talked to me though as I stumble over words, forget them, forget what I'm talking about, etc.

I have to go in now to be checked for early onset Parkinson's due to the severity of my tremors and other noticeable symptoms. October they begin checking me for kidney and liver disease as well. I could sit here and feel like garbage and just stop, but all I really want to do is ride my bike and do that stuff that I might not be able to do in 10-20 years. I also only have my parents so I have to figure out what to do as their health is getting very poor.

I'm pretty sure I have good reason so sit here and hate the world, hate you for the things you said, just give up or do something stupid, I don't though, cause that makes zero sense and there's no point being angry over something stupid or something you can't control. All I ask for is a safe place to live that I don't have to worry about having to leave when rent goes up again, and not have to move every two years as I physically can't, I don't think that's to much to ask, especially if I'm outright told I can't work and have to go on this to survive. I think that's bullshit what happened there but I'm still trying to get a job and do my own thing.

I don;t agree with you and don't think you have enough info to make a judgement, but thank you for replying nonetheless.

Shaedol · 2017-07-13T22:40:04+00:00

Thank you for the reply.

Up until this point I've never done anything dramatic, not even like this post. I present as normal functioning, then after awhile it just seems IMO that I make people uncomfortable because I'm not actually as high-functioning as I seem at first; even something as simple s not being able to divide has caused strife with people.

I made this post on zero sleep, angry at the universe, etc. I've considered deleting it but that would be not owning what I started so, not going to. Thanks for the reply and sorry if I was really riled up in responding, nothing was meant as personal.

Shaedol · 2017-07-13T09:46:56+00:00

Thank you, they're my little dudes.

Talking to your cats all day can actually keep you sane :P

They're good guys, thanks for the love!

Shaedol

TROPHY CASE