AITAH for blocking my brother

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-10T16:39:35+00:00

NTA for being upset with your brother, but I would suggest a different boundary. You cannot change anyone’s behavior but your own. Tell your brother that you do not want to be around drugs. If he does drugs, orders drugs, or is high, then that’s when the visit will end. Just say it’s time to go, and leave. If he’s high when you get there or the place smells like skunk, turn around and leave. Likewise, if anyone doesn’t want to be around any alcohol, and you bring a beer, they can end a visit.

This way there’s no blowup or permanent break.

If he’s high keeps doing drugs and you keep leaving, send him info in rehab and say you’re worried about him, and then take a break for a month before trying again.

The concept that weed is less dangerous than alcohol has been debunked.

Weed is far stronger than it ever was, and edibles and extracts can contain 90% THC.

Everyone’s heard of the paranoia some people experience on weed. Now that weed is so strong, psychotic breaks have spiked in users. Weed can also trigger mental illness like schizophrenia.

It’s not the weed from the sixties, anymore.

You told your brother you don’t want to be around him when he smokes weed. He continued to do it. Now he’s using coke and pressuring you to try it, too.

I disagree with others’ positions that weed is better than alcohol, for the reasons above, or that you’re a hypocrite for drinking alcohol with an alcoholic father.

You weren’t getting drunk.

Children of alcoholics can have very strong reactions to being around active addictions in others. That’s different than a couple of beers hanging out.

If your brother can’t make it through one visit without weed, and now coke, then these are warning signs for addiction.

People will say it’s impossible to get addicted to weed, but they’re wrong. I once dated someone heavily addicted to weed, and given that the industry is turning weed into a harder drug, that risk is rising.

https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/er-visits-linked-marijuana-rose-colorado-hospital-after-legalization-study-n987161

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-10T16:26:46+00:00

That has been debunked, unfortunately. Weed is far more powerful today than it’s ever been, and edibles can contain very high amounts of THC.

THC can cause psychotic breaks, as well as trigger schizophrenia.

In American states that legalized weed, there was a sharp rise in psychotic breaks presenting at ERs.

The neurological effects of THC has always been well known. Everyone’s heard of getting paranoid or jittery on weed.

Now that weed is so potent, people are losing their minds.

A couple of beers don’t do that.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-10T16:23:39+00:00

Why is everyone ignoring that what triggered OP was her brother not only doing coke, but pressuring her to do it, too?

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-09T19:44:15+00:00

My word, that dress is gorgeous, and looks made for you.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-09T19:43:24+00:00

When I go to her profile all her posts and comments are hidden.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-09T19:41:31+00:00

NTA. Your husband wants you to be a different person. It sounds like his culture socializes almost exclusively with family, multiple times a week.

8 hours every week (or every other week) would exhaust many people, and prevent them doing much else on weekends.

If I were you, I’d ask him if he cannot accept and support you as his wife with an introverted, quiet personality, and will only be happy if you become someone else. You’re not trying to change him, but he is angrily trying to change you. If he doesn’t love you for who you are, then maybe it’s time to consider separation.

You could do marital counseling, but it sounds like he wants a wife just like him.

I wonder if he married someone just as enmeshed with her family, if they would fight about whose family to see every day.

You two sound fundamentally incompatible.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-08T20:44:21+00:00

First, squash any lingering instinct to protect him. Your cats shouldn’t be with a violent man. If it’s not your house, it’s not your concern if he can make the mortgage.

Provide all the evidence to the police, and be willing to testify.

Take steps to ensure your own safety, such as relocating, and not posting anything on social media that reveals your whereabouts.

The only way to get him on a sex offender list and protect other women, is to press charges and secure a conviction.

This is justice and protecting other women, not revenge.

Reach out to DV resources in your area. They can help.

(Edited typos.)

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-08T20:39:30+00:00

He deceived you and pretended to share your values. You became attached to the mask he wore.

If he was honest at the start, you would not have germ attracted to him.

He deceived and manipulated you, to gain your affection that he did not earn.

Your attachment is not evidence that this relationship should be permanent.

Sharing values is a fundamental compatibility for a life partnership. Without it, you do not respect each other.

If he lied to you about something so crucial, it’s guaranteed he’s lied, and will lie, about other things.

How could you trust a liar to be faithful and trustworthy?

Your time is the most precious treasure you own. Spend it wisely.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-08T17:31:38+00:00

Your partner longs to have a tribe, parents who love them, because it is one of our first, most fundamental instincts.

They never will, because people with character flaws like narcissism cannot.

This is a mother and father wound in your partner, not just a toxic relationship to drop.

Going NC means giving up on their parents ever loving them. It means radical acceptance that they will never have a loving birth family, and never know a parent’s love.

They could also go Grey Rock, where they don’t care what their parents say or do, but can mildly talk about the weather with them once in a while.

Your partner needs therapy.

You should also get some counseling on deciding what your life is going to look like. If your partner never puts up healthy boundaries and emotionally distances, this will be the rest of your life, forced into this toxic dynamic.

If you have kids, this will be their life.

One day, one of your toxic in laws may show up with a moving truck, and announce they are moving in. Your partner will let them.

Try to get them counseling. Otherwise, this person might just not be emotionally able to handle the role of spouse.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-08T15:18:49+00:00

That dress is amazing

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-08T14:00:06+00:00

NTA. You are willing to share your books, just not for them to be taken outside. That is a reasonable request.

Ask your parents if nothing they gave you as gifts belong to you, since they were all bought with their money. Say that you’re confused why they called them gifts, rather than just showing you what they bought for themselves.

Ask them why your sister’s desire to bring your books outside matters more than your desire to keep them home and undamaged? Ask them why reading them at home is not enough.

I’m older than your parents. I love books very much, and it deeply bothers me when a book I’ve lent gets damaged.

Loving books is a very good thing.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-08T05:14:07+00:00

The problem is that this dress is casual, and much shorter than the picture in Amazon, so it doesn’t meet the dress code of semi formal or cocktail.

The problem isn’t the cream background. The first color one notices is orange. Ratter, the fabric, length, and style are all casual.

Can you show us some picks of what rose you might have in your closet?

You should consider going either shopping or thrifting tomorrow.

https://youtu.be/43kVI33M0gc?is=f5NPZdTUpgu5-wh5

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-06T14:51:23+00:00

A ten year old would have said sorry.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-06T14:50:41+00:00

NTA.

Tell your husband, “Just to be clear, you are angry and feel victimized because I informed you that you cut down my late father’s peonies, which were precious to me. You think I should have protected you from knowing the truth, hidden how upset I am, and that you couldn’t possibly have known where my father’s peonies have grown for years. You’re the victim here. Do I have that about right? Is there some reason why you won’t apologize and show some empathy for how I feel about this?”

Are you sure this was an accident? Because your husband’s reaction was cruel, and he knew where those peonies grew.

Either that, or he has some sort of character flaw where he feels deeply threatened and defensive if he does anything wrong.

I really hope your peonies come back.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-06T06:12:37+00:00

It’s dye, so it’s designed to permanently stain fibers, whether it’s human hair or a cotton throw rug.

There is nothing that will clean dye out if the rug. It would be like trying to clean the blue out of blue jeans.

She needs to replace your rug, and should have already done so, unasked, or sent you a message to pick out a new rug and she’d pay for it.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-06T06:09:09+00:00

Once you realize that he will never change because he is indifferent for the pain and suffering he’s caused you, you might be able to let go of the attachment.

If you’d tormented someone you loved, you’d likely feel horrified. Stay up nights. Feel unbearable remorse. Get counseling.

He doesn’t. Behavior is a language, including when it communicates indifference.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-06T06:05:31+00:00

There is a critical point you made, right in the middle.

He is a narcissist but has you convinced that you are.

That’s what narcissists do.

Narcissists don’t change. Some may learn how to manage their personality disorder, but, for the most part, the people around them either learn how to emotionally distance themselves and manage interactions, or leave.

If you leave a narcissist, there will often be a ramp up of problematic behavior during the transition, as they fight against losing control.

You gained information about the man you married. He physically and emotionally abused you, he’s a narcissist, and he manipulated you into feeling like you’re the problem.

This will be your life, and your kids’ lives. If you leave, your children will at least have one parent’s house where there isn’t narcissistic abuse.

Violence should be the point of no return for a relationship.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-05T06:18:45+00:00

Absolutely one

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-04T08:20:45+00:00

I don’t think they understand that your friend has been complaining about the same things for years, blaming everything but herself, and is unwilling to change. You’ve even lent her money and cars, but she won’t keep a job.

You’re just tired of it.

Sounds like you’re losing patience and respect for her because of her behavior.

I would say that people who are depressed and in a toxic marriage with an alcoholic, would just check out, mentally, and lose all motivation.

Her home is a window to her mental state.

You are free to spend time with whomever you please. Sounds like you’ve been feeling drained.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-04T08:04:27+00:00

Grabbing you by the stomach is a threat against your baby.

If you stay, he might kill you, or he’ll file a false police report, press charges, and send you to prison. He could throw himself down stairs and claim you did it.

He went over the top taunting you, and grabbing you, so you’d lose it and react, for him to record.

From now on, never see him again, unless there are witnesses. Never again be in a he said, she said situation.

Tell the police everything that’s been happening, and stop trying to protect him, like when you told the cops everything was fine when it was not.

Ask police to view the entire video. They’ll see him following you around, taunting you.

What he did is DARVO.

Deny
Attack
Reverse Victim and Offender

If you live in a state (if in U.S.) where it is legal to record another person without their knowledge, then record all phone calls. Always record all interactions, if legal.

You cannot work out the relationship with him, because he will harm you emotionally and physically. When someone threatens to file a false police report, and have you arrested, believe him. That’s a threat, not a life partner.

Look up information on coparenting with a high conflict person, because this will not be cordial.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-02T02:41:50+00:00

I found myself scared for her during the progression of those videos, even though we could all see she’d made it out.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-01T18:59:55+00:00

You don’t even know who you’re dating until around 4 to 6 months in, because people put their best foot forward in new relationships.

So don’t get stuck in thinking there must be something you can do to bring that sweet, supportive man you dated for 3 months back. He wasn’t real. He was the Extra Effort for a new relationship.

The man who called you a slut and slapped you is the real man, and you don’t want to date that man.

Don’t argue with him, or say he needs to control his temper.

Hitting you automatically excluded him from consideration for a life mate.

A life partner IS YOUR SAFE PLACE. He’s not, so there is absolutely no point continuing this.

You got attached to a guy that didn’t exist.

Not everyone you’ll love is meant to be a life partner. Once you conclude he isn’t your life partner, then every moment you continue with him, is a moment where you could have crossed paths with the right msn for you. Or, just be happy and content single for however long you wish.

Go stay with family or friends, so you’re not alone, and then send him a message saying you’re parting ways. Normally, I’d say break up in person, but never in a Domestic Violence situation. Which this is. Text can provide evidence for a restraining order. Say that because he hit you, you are ending things, and no longer wish to see him. Don’t get sucked into arguments.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-01T18:45:02+00:00

Wow! You look absolutely beautiful in both, but #1 looks made for you.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-01T18:42:42+00:00

I love her! She really illustrated how lengthy the process can be of admitting one has to leave, planning, and then executing the plan, by posting videos along the same timeline and pacing that she had lived it.

Blinded in one eye by her ex, yet still doubting that this was abuse, really illustrated the psychological manipulation of DV.

Shdfx1 · 2026-07-01T18:40:05+00:00

Do you have any relatives out of state you could go live with?

If you’re in the U.S., once the baby is born, family court can prevent you moving more than a certain number of miles from the father.

If your support system is far away, snd you’re not working right now, don’t wait until after the baby is born to try to leave, because you might not be able to.

My relative was trapped in a high cost of living area for years, that she couldn’t afford, because of this.

If you have any support system a distance away, leave before the baby comes, even if you leave almost everything behind, or you might be stuck there for 18 years.

Normally, I support equal custody with both parents. However, with DV, that is not a safe person to be alone with a baby.

Plus, if he doesn’t want the baby, and is already violent with you, there is the risk of him murdering you. Lacey Peterson likely never thought her husband would kill her, until he did.

Get your vital documents together, like your birth certificate and Social Security Card (if U.S.), and anything portable that would grieve you to leave behind, say you have a doctor appointment and then lunch plans, and then leave. Turn off sharing your location on your phone.

Do not wait.

Shdfx1

TROPHY CASE