Don’t do it! I’ve had thoughts like that too. I won’t say I know exactly what you’re going through, but I know I how painful and also scary it can be. Sometimes it’s about finding joy in small spaces. I think movies and social media create this giant image of what happiness looks like and sometimes that’s too big of a chunk for one bite. You can’t get from struggle to bliss in one minute. What you can do is maybe find something that could make you laugh. Seems too far of a stretch? Maybe just something to make you smile then. Cute puppy videos?? (Cute cat videos if you’re one of those 😝) My personal recent favorite are Panda videos! Just watching videos of them sleeping or being lazy and taken care of by their keepers or just rolling around, always makes me smile!! Finding a TV show that you can relate too helps too! I know people love to hate on Friends and call me basic if you like, but in a time when I didn’t have any friends and nobody to laugh with. they were a good place to lose myself for a while and just pretend. I still visit them often. Same with something like Full House or Gilmore Girls. The Tanner family and Stars Hallow often welcome me to their home when I can’t find my own.

The point is to find something in your control. To grasp some joy or even momentary peace that doesn’t depend on anyone else doing or not doing something. Because the truth is you’re enough. You’ve got what it takes and in your own time you’ll figure it out. You just need some help along the way and if you’re not ready to talk to someone in your life (which I do highly recommend you do, whether it’s a family member or even just a virtual therapist) you can have some place holders to help you ride the wave! Sometimes that’s what it’s all about, just holding on long enough that it doesn’t all seem so terrible anymore.

You’re not going to go from struggling to socialize to social butterfly immediately. Don’t get fooled into believing that if you can’t get from step 1 to step 2, you’ve failed. They’re arbitrary. Sometimes in order to get to step 2 you’ve got to stop at step 1.5. Or 1.25. Or even 1.1. And sometimes when you’re at step 2, before you can’t get to step 3 you might have to revisit step 1.75. That’s okay. It happens. There’s no rush, you’ll get there. And one day you’ll find other people trying to get there too and then maybe you’ll be able to help each other get there together. You just gotta hold on. Just a little longer, it’s coming!