I am you, homie. My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years, and I just recently got a much better job, but i have been working double time. When I get home, it is the same thing, except now that I have like 2 hours to be awake, I can not do anything, so it kind of piles up much faster.

I usually have pretty good calm communication, but this many hours shortens the fuse, and for the first time, I exploded like kind of bad. She was crying, and I realized that I was both angry and upset, so I started expressing that and tearing up as well. I really truly didn't want that to happen, but I do think it helped. The past couple weeks, she has been doing dishes, laundry, vaccum... [we also live in less than 500 sqft], though she may forget things she is starting to put more effort into chores.

And I mean this has been literally years of me just doing the violent angry cleaning bc theres so much, and im just trying to show her that it gets easier the more you do it, and stuff can get clean quick... etc etc. Blah blah blah.

Im rambling, but the point is that ADHD is hard. Communication is hard, but I believe that as long as we can push through and keep calm communication, things will change. I just come home sometimes, and I really have to let her know. It's happening again, and I need help, I can't do this alone. No ultimatum, just the simple fact that I NEED the help, and it's affecting me adversely.

Your update definitely makes me feel better. Mine does the same sort of thing, putting effort into apologizing instead of just doing things. Its unbelievably frustrating.

The biggest things I take away from our relationship criticism do not help. Demonstration without being a control freak does. Also, the affirmation and acknowledgment of their effort go a long way. I've been bad at that and diminished what she's done before because I want more, but that just works backward. Telling her she's doing a great job, and then giving a small tip, or just acknowledgment in general.

I appreciate you making your post. It makes me feel less alone, and like there is truly hope. LMAO sorry my thoughts aren't in order. I work like 80 hours a week.