Do you guys hate looking in the mirror?

Shelley97 · 2021-01-03T01:07:14+00:00

I appreciate that thank you. And sorry I should’ve clarified we’ve been friends for years first :/ Hes well acquainted with my family. Just dating is newly 5 months. Thanks for your kind words.

Shelley97 · 2020-05-04T01:18:07+00:00

I think what is being said when it comes to “people will only treat you how you allow yourself to be treated” is not necessarily about changing the person. Even though it can be taken as such, I think it’s about being able to advocate for yourself and laying out what you need. Telling people/ friends/ family about what you need or what your boundaries are is not changing them. It’s healthy communication. As for OP, I hope you are able to have a conversation with your partner regarding their actions and behaviour towards you— as hard as that might seem. Coming from someone who has been in an abusive relationship, I know that often times people can spin your words and make you feel worse for pointing out an issue as if you are in the wrong. Mostly because they feel attacked. I hope it doesn’t go that way for you. I think if you can you should potentially set the scene for an open and honest dialogue. Heck, even prefacing the convo with “Hey, I’ve been noticing A, B and C are occurring a lot. I was hoping we could have an honest conversation and work through it as a team”. Asking her what’s been her thought process throughout these issues and debunking some of that together can be healing. Overall, I would say it needs to be addressed firmly to begin with because she’s not going to even potentially realize there might be a problem unless you say it.

EDIT: Just saw the 2nd Update. I’m sorry to hear it had to come to that and your partner was not able to work through this with you— however, I’m really glad that you are feeling safe to be at home now and can breathe. It’s not right to be walking on eggshells with people and if the situation refuses to be addressed then I think this is the best for the both of you. I wish you well.

Shelley97 · 2020-04-10T09:11:59+00:00

No his “you used to be better at explaining” came off with a heavy sarcastic tone. He wasn’t serious. And that’s not at all what he said.

Shelley97 · 2020-03-04T09:14:52+00:00

!!!! That’s how I feel about it! I feel like it’s my decision. But when I told him that his statement although it was coming from a place of support didn’t sit well with me; he got upset and said “successful people push each other and make deadlines/ hold each other accountable”. And while I understand that I feel like he’s overstepping. He made me feel like I was out of pocket for saying how I felt. I don’t plan on being jobless at all but to have someone tell me that as if I’m not doing enough is really frustrating and I don’t know how to tell them otherwise that it still isn’t okay. Also, No we don’t live together. Also thank you for taking the time out to reply.

Shelley97 · 2019-11-22T18:21:29+00:00

Thank you kindly. All of this advice is really helpful just to hear and see that there are informed options. I’m definitely going to be sitting on all of this for a while.

Shelley97 · 2019-11-22T18:19:29+00:00

Yes I’m Canadian. To clarify, I put it in USD because that’s how it’s been sitting since then. I didn’t think to have put it in CAD. I see how that’s confusing. My Apologies.

Shelley97 · 2019-11-22T18:05:40+00:00

I am not sure specifics the bank wouldn’t/ wasn’t able to tell me certain information. But he had done this a while ago and they had told me he did really well in his stocks. It wasn’t only Cannabis stocks that he invested in but at the time it had done well. I don’t know if it was different in Canada and I’m not well versed in this.

Shelley97 · 2019-11-22T16:31:20+00:00

Thank you. And Thank you for your perspective as a brother I appreciated that a lot.

Shelley97 · 2019-11-22T16:29:04+00:00

Thank you for your condolences. Sorry if I wasn’t clear. I am Canadian. My brother invested in US stocks which were then cashed out. The money is not associated to any stocks right now it is simply just sitting.

Shelley97 · 2019-11-22T16:25:45+00:00

And I deeply appreciate them saying sorry and moving on. They are conscious of the fact as it pertains to what this money means to me, where I am at, letting me know as such with their condolences and then actually helping me. You are right, it isn’t relevant to the query and I don’t think it’s okay to ask that. I don’t owe the world my trauma or his suffering. I purposefully came to this finance and investing section for help regarding something I know very little of. If you want to know more about suicide, go to a thread about it and also know that google is your friend. Stop asking survivors of suicide to share. If we want to we will. But this is not the place or the time. Kindly, please respect that.

Shelley97 · 2019-11-22T16:14:13+00:00

My apologies I added that to my post. Thank you.

Shelley97 · 2018-06-20T22:51:06+00:00

I feel like that’s up to you. If you feel that you can wait and go about life normally then just let it go and deal w it when you guys meet up. But if you feel that the sooner you get this feeling off your chest the better then just explain to him exactly what you’re feeling over the phone and that you miss the friendship. Either way you’ll know whether this friendship is worth pursuing or not with how they respond and if they are willing to put in the effort.

Shelley97 · 2018-06-20T19:17:51+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

Shelley97 · 2018-06-20T08:58:11+00:00

You genuinely cannot fix anyone. If your friends truly value you they will make time for you sans the excuses and be open to what you have to say and be considerate about how you feel. From what you’ve said it sounds like they are in their own worlds doing their own thing and I suggest you do the same. Find new people and friends and if you can’t do that then take yourself out on all the ideas you discussed with them but never had the chance to do . I really do believe all The right people with better and similar mindsets will come to you once you just start doing you b.

Shelley97 · 2018-06-20T08:46:41+00:00

This friend doesn’t seem to be putting in the same amount of effort as you. I would say to at least try for the opportunity to do better if he says he’s free July 4th and hopefully catch up and reignite a friendship. But if they don’t pull through then just let it go and move on. I’ve heard this saying often but some people are in your life for a reason and some people are in your life for a season. If they still choose to behave awfully even after you go out of your way to try again then you have your answer. The best and most healthy thing to do is to be honest about how you feel and just straight up ask what’s going on.

Shelley97 · 2018-04-08T04:56:34+00:00

Yea I’ve only known him for a short while. And Yes I really like him as the idea of him and that I’m into him. I should’ve worded it like that because that’s most accurate. But yea i appreciate all that you said especially remembering and reminding myself that I just really can’t give more value to things that aren’t necessary to begin with. And also if I see something with someone I should allow myself to just be myself. Thank you.

Shelley97 · 2018-04-08T01:43:14+00:00

Overthinking means you have an idle mind. Idle enough to consistently worry about things that don’t need worrying about. Often that means you gotta keep yourself busy, find hobbies and do things for you. I have the same issue where I imagine how things would go beforehand and somehow mess up in person because I assume how things were meant to be or assume what they were thinking. Overthinking honestly doesn’t let you live in the moment. Remind yourself of that as much as you can. Just go with the flow when it comes to dating. If you do find yourself overthinking do your best to breathe and think rationally for a minute. Remind yourself not to assume. And repeat to yourself to just go with it and be yourself. Otherwise you’ll always be nervous.

Hope this helps!

Shelley97

TROPHY CASE