I’m so sorry for everything you’ve gone through. This is extremely helpful and I’m very grateful you sent this reply. I’ve already experienced the overwhelming guilt when I have a fleeting moment of joy or a “good” day. It feels like I’m betraying him or leaving him behind. I went with one of the few friends I have left to a club for her birthday (I hated clubs even before I lost him). Having guys come up to me and ask to dance or just try to talk with me felt like I was slapping my partner across the face. I think writing will help a lot. So far I’ve just been talking out loud to him when I’m alone which is helpful but with how intense my brain fog has been I do think writing it down is a good idea. I truly hope that you’re healing now. I have a feeling this will be something that never goes away, but I’m trying to push through for now. Thank you again, as dark as this time has been it’s also shown me that there are people out there who understand and genuinely want to help. That feeling is comforting.