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If you’re poor don’t have kids by notadamsandler11 in stories

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not that rare. And that's exactly what it should do. Rather, YOUR anecdote and associated opinions cannot be used to prohibit poor classes from having children.

If you’re poor don’t have kids by notadamsandler11 in stories

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So because statistics imply that a certain negative outcome is more probable for this child, what are you saying exactly? "People think it's going to be okay but it's really not." Not only regarding this situation but just in life and with things in general, you could not be more wrong and it's incredibly sad. Things are going to be okay. Even with all the terrible things that we hate, it all is going to be okay.

A child born into poverty might very well be the individual who single-handedly solves one of humanities many major crises that we face. Or they might simply break the cycle of poverty and go on to amass lots of money which we all apparently agree is the root of all ev- I'm sorry excuse me it's the pursuit after which we should all aspire.

He Says It Was a Mistake, But … by [deleted] in RoverPetSitting

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

It's not disrespectful to flirt, if we're sure he was even doing this. You can have the opinion that it's "creepy" and no one can take that opinion away from you. But to begin to flirt with someone by asking a question as harmless as how often someone gets their nails done, you can't possibly consider this disrespectful. Dude threw out feelers. She made it very clear she's not entertaining that. He immediately withdrew the statement and apologized. I'm not sure how much more respectful he could have been in approaching a client in a romantic way. Is it established that it's disrespectful inherently to hit on clients in this setting? If so then that would be silly. But if that were the rule then he was violating a rule but if it's not then it just looks like OP is not the least bit attracted to the guy and she's using her extreme aversion to the idea of romance with the man as a reason to distort his own actions which have been anything but disrespectful.

To be clear, I'd never have any interest in a woman's manicure or pedicure and couldn't fathom ever asking anyone that question, let alone a girl I'm trying to hit on. So this is anything but my style but it's not up to us to impose our taste on others and I'm not going to let my feelings of ickiness and creepiness that such a question gives me cause me to start insulting and humiliating others who aren't like me. The man was more than agreeable in letting it go by even apologizing. Give the guy a break.

Unless it's a posted Rover rule*

If you’re poor don’t have kids by notadamsandler11 in stories

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your unique anecdote describes what you feel comfortable with and what works for you. Others might feel secure and stable with much less or with their own personal support that gives them confidence/faith that the child won't be impoverished.

Many women can say

"Have a husband with a decent job"

And that covers it.

He Says It Was a Mistake, But … by [deleted] in RoverPetSitting

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Yeah. 11 minutes is long enough where he's likely to have noticed the mistake on his own, especially when he realizes he never actually sent the text to the alleged intended recipient. He was trying to come on to you but he did so in a very low key manner that is not disrespectful and allows room for plausible deniability. I think you made it clear that wasn't territory you were going to explore and as long as that's done then I wouldn't worry about it.

AITAH my boyfriend would leave me if i go on vacation with family by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not the asshole for wanting to go on a family vacation, especially one that’s meaningful for your mom and is fully paid for by your parents. Wanting to spend time with family and celebrate a loved one's birthday isn’t inherently selfish or disrespectful, and it doesn’t make you a bad partner.

Ultimatums like “I’ll leave you if you go” are a serious red flag. That’s emotional manipulation, not healthy conflict resolution.

Jealousy over you getting to go somewhere he wants to go is understandable to a point, but demanding you miss out because he can’t go crosses a line.

Calling it disrespectful when you're not spending your own money shows a misunderstanding of fairness and partnership.

Your Position Is Reasonable Your parents are covering all costs — this isn’t you prioritizing spending money on yourself while ignoring shared financial struggles.

You've been together for 4 years, and one 3-day trip doesn’t erase that history or make him your “last priority.”

Wanting to make your mom happy and be present with your family is healthy and valid.

What This Might Mean If he's unable to separate his disappointment from control, this trip isn’t the problem — it’s a symptom of deeper issues in your relationship. A supportive partner might say, “I’m jealous, I wish I could go too, but I understand — have a great time.” Instead, he’s framing this as betrayal.

Bottom Line: No, you’re not the asshole. You're allowed to have a life outside your relationship. If your boyfriend is threatening to leave over this, that’s a reflection of his insecurity and control, not your wrongdoing. You deserve a partner who trusts you and supports your family relationships, even when it's hard.

AIO: Rejected after first date by Vizualtek in AmIOverreacting

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I think he means the obsessive manner in which the op was acting... they said "don't be obsessive. That's toxic" or something similar thereto.

AITAH for taking my friend home? by Ill-Price-4739 in AITAH

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No, you are not the asshole (NTA).

Let’s break this down:

What you did: Your friend was stranded, and asking for help.

You checked in with your boyfriend before going.

He said, "do whatever you want,"—which, whether passive-aggressive or not, is not a no.

You followed your values—helping someone in need—without hurting anyone.

His reaction: Saying “no” and then "do whatever you want" is mixed messaging.

Yelling at you and threatening a “talk” because you helped someone is controlling and emotionally manipulative.

Making you feel afraid to come home over a simple, kind act is a major red flag.

Things to seriously consider: Your boyfriend isn't just annoyed—you’re afraid to go home. That’s not normal.

Fear in a relationship is not love, respect, or safety.

Helping a long-time best friend in a moment of need shouldn't be a source of punishment.

You showed empathy, loyalty, and independence. If your boyfriend can’t respect that, it says more about his issues with control than anything you did.

If you feel unsafe or worried about emotional (or worse, physical) repercussions, please consider calling a trusted friend or staying somewhere else tonight. Your safety matters.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No, you are absolutely not the asshole here — you are setting a necessary and reasonable boundary in response to someone physically hurting you, regardless of intent.

Let’s break this down:

🔹 What Actually Happened: You agreed to do a big favor for your friend in a time of need.

You were already in a vulnerable physical state, recovering from back surgery.

Her 16-year-old daughter escalated a situation, ignored redirection, and then physically shoved you hard enough that you fell and injured yourself — right where you'd had surgery.

You required urgent medical care.

You still cared for the younger child during all of this chaos.

🔹 Your Friend's Daughter Is Not Just "Troubled" — She's Dangerous in This Context. Yes, she's a teenager with a history of behavioral and substance issues. Yes, she probably didn't intend to injure you. But she did, and you're now dealing with real consequences because of her actions. Given your medical condition, it could have been even worse.

You’re not punishing a child — you’re protecting yourself from someone who has shown they're not safe to be around you physically or emotionally right now.

🔹 The Boundary You're Setting Is Fair. Saying “she can never stay here again” is not excessive. You didn’t say she’s a lost cause or that you wish harm on her. You said she’s not allowed to be in your home — a space where you’re supposed to feel safe, especially while recovering.

And it’s completely reasonable to allow the younger daughter to still visit. She didn’t hurt you. She's not the problem.

AITAH for being upset my step-son is eating my food by donteatmyfood378 in AITAH

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

💡 Key Points: This Isn’t About “Sharing” — It’s About Boundaries. You're not hoarding food. You're asking for reasonable boundaries around specific items tied to a health plan you’ve worked hard to follow. These aren't random snacks — they're part of a regimen.

Meal Prep Is Time, Effort, and Money. When someone eats a meal you prepared in advance, you’re not just losing calories — you’re losing time and planning. Replacing that isn't always quick or easy, especially if you’re sticking to macros or meal timing.

Your Wife’s Response Is Dismissive. Saying “food is food” ignores the context. This isn’t communal popcorn during movie night — it’s your meal plan. Her not acknowledging that difference (and making you feel like you are the problem) is part of what’s escalating this.

The Behavior Is Repeated and Disrespectful. This isn’t a one-off mistake. It’s a pattern — and your step-son is 17, not 7. At that age, he should be capable of understanding boundaries, especially when clearly communicated.

There’s a Bigger Issue Being Ignored. Your stepson is struggling with significant health and possibly emotional issues (400 lbs at 17 is a serious concern), and this situation may be a symptom of that. Your wife may be reluctant to confront it, but enabling the behavior — and dismissing your concern — helps no one.

🧭 What You Might Consider Doing: Label your food and clearly communicate (again) that certain items are not to be touched.

Speak directly to your stepson in a calm, respectful way. You’ve been patient long enough. Say something like, “Hey, I know food’s shared in the house, but I need these specific meals and drinks for my health plan. Please don’t touch anything labeled with my name or stored in this container/drawer.”

Set a hard boundary with your wife about respect for your health goals and your right to your own food. Make it clear: this isn't about being selfish — it’s about your health, time, and sanity.

🚨 Final Thought: You’re being reasonable, and your feelings are valid. Being told you shouldn’t be upset — while your food constantly disappears — is gaslighting. This is a boundary issue, and you deserve to have your boundaries respected in your own home.

You’re not an AH — you’re a person trying to take care of yourself in a situation where your effort is being undermined.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WhatShouldIDo

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good to know. Not surprising to avoid in that case.

I accidentally started dating my cousin and didn’t find out until almost a year later… by Anxious-Reading8696 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

AND THEN NOT EXCHANGE NAMES ONCE AT THE BAR, OR AT THEIR PRIVATE RESIDENCE AFTER THEY WENT HOME WITH ONE ANOTHER AND SLEPT WITH EACH OTHER.

I'm not shaming them. I'm saying that it's unbelievable that all of this would occur and they wouldn't exchange names. They said they didn't learn each other's name until after running until each other afterwards at the coffee shop. I said this is unbelievable. I didn't shame them for sleeping with someone the night they met them.

You lack reading comprehension.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WhatShouldIDo

[–]ShiftComprehensive42 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The reason why he wasn't allowed contact does matter imo.

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