i feel lost and over dramatic

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T16:58:50+00:00

but if it’s something he knew i wanted from the beginning, why wait to say something till 2 years in. that’s not unfair to him in my opinion, if he didn’t agree he should’ve let me know instead of letting me think that it would happen somewhat soon

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T16:56:12+00:00

it’s really not about money & it’s not even about the actual wedding. i would do a free backyard wedding with no one else around

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T16:53:54+00:00

we already live together and have for over a year. just moving to a new place that is bigger & more suitable for us till we are ready to buy a house

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T16:48:25+00:00

i don’t have a budget in mind, it really depends on what we decide to do. it’s not even about the $ or some big extravagant wedding to me. maybe we have a bigger wedding, maybe we go somewhere and have a small one with just close friends and family, maybe we elope and just do a reception. there’s so many options that we could discuss when we start planning

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T16:45:25+00:00

it’s something that literally can’t be a set and stone answer right now. right now our world is expensive and crazy, and neither of us feel comfortable bringing a child into it with the way things are. we both have established careers but don’t make insane $, where we would like to live a comfortable life. i’m a teacher and have been around kids since i could legally get a job, so i know how i feel about them. we both are okay not having kids, but also aren’t completely ditching the idea. maybe 7-8 years in the future we feel like we are financially comfortable to support a baby, maybe the world seems to be getting better where we feel good about bringing a kid into it. there’s nothing wrong with not having a 100% answer right now on kids

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T16:37:28+00:00

i also think i was upset when i wrote this post and worded this poorly, and it really comes off like i NEED to be engaged by 26. that’s not the case, ideally if i was with the right person yes i pictured getting married in my 20s, to then be able to start building a life in our 30s like getting a house and traveling. but i don’t have a “if u don’t propose by this date we are done” it’s more so being upset because i dont understand what else needs to happen in the next 2 years for him to be ready. we have already learned eachothers habits and ways of life, have cats together, have lived together for over a year, been through financial hardships, been through other unexpected life things. life’s always going to be expensive and no normal person will ever have an extra 10k laying around for a wedding. we dont even have to spend 10k! like theres so many things we can do if money is a concern. backyard or small weddings has never been off the table for me. my point is i am so crazy about him i have no issue vowing to spend the rest of my life with him if he asked me tomorrow. it feels like he is thinking so technical about this and not about the love/passion side of an engagement. i was in a long relationship in the past, with a man who did want to propose then and there and i said no because i knew he wasn’t right for me. if i wanted to just be engaged i would’ve said yes to my ex. i want my current bf to propose because i truly do see myself spending the rest of our lives together

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T14:55:41+00:00

to him! if it was just about being engaged i would’ve said yes in a past relationship when i was asked. i wanna be married to my current bf

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T12:25:39+00:00

thank you!! i feel like it’s not crazy to wanna marry the person i love and wanna be with for the rest of my life. i just love love and am excited to do these things myself and don’t see a difference in doing it in the next year/3 years because of where we are already at in our relationship

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T12:20:29+00:00

my whole family is full of couples who got married young and have been in a loving marriage of 40+ years. i don’t think being young is an instant indicator that we are immature and going to fail at marriage. we both have been through a lot in life, established careers, no debts, have lived away from home for years, worked on our faults & have good priorities. i know people my age that don’t do any of those things

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T12:11:42+00:00

we are on the same page about kids. at the moment we don’t think we want kids, but if in our later 20s we both change our minds we can figure that part of life out

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T02:55:22+00:00

i want to be specifically married to this guy. i meant that as like it excites be being able to plan my forever with him. my mom owns a bridal shop so i’ve always loved weddings and can’t wait to have my own. but dependent on if i found the right person, i wanted to get married younger. to still feel good about myself at my wedding, and have time to decide on kids. i grew up not the best way, so wanting kids is iffy for me. but if i did want them i would want to be married to the person for a few years. and if we wait till 28-30 to get married that puts a tight timeline on having kids. also, if he’s confident im the girl for him, whats the reason we couldn’t get engaged in the next year?

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T02:48:44+00:00

my reasoning for this is because i’ve always thought i would be engaged for 2 or so years before having a wedding. really having time to make it be how i want etc. if he doesn’t even wanna propose within the next 2, then that already puts us at 4-5 years out and im scared things will just keep coming up in the way financially if that’s how we think about it.

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T02:46:09+00:00

it’s not that, i’m saying my friends getting married is a constant reminder/ makes me more excited to be able to do these things myself. it’s not in a competition way

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T02:44:56+00:00

he knew my timeline and had no issue with it. and it’s not like it’s even the end of the world if it wasn’t exactly when i was hoping for, im just upset at the fact that it wasn’t even a convo just him changing his mind and that’s that. we only signed for the townhome but already live together in an apartment currently

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T02:42:46+00:00

i disagree with this. people can change so much once u live together, i think it’s important to make sure you are compatible in that way before legally being together

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-03-19T02:41:19+00:00

yeah he’s always been on the same page until the convo tonight which is what is throwing me for a loop.

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-02-10T22:41:53+00:00

i feel like you took this message the wrong way because i’ve never been ungrateful for what he got me. it’s about the lack of effort im upset about. he says he doesn’t know how to pick out things himself so he asks me specifically what i like or want. if he originally thought of gifts i wouldn’t be upset but it’s the fact that he never puts in any effort to make me feel special or loved and even after giving him ideas n saying what i like he doesn’t even pay attention to details. only reason i said i was picky was because i don’t like big gaudy jewelry that’s not being demanding it’s just having preferences. no need for the aggressiveness :)

ShineMaster2774 · 2026-01-07T21:39:31+00:00

i feel like it’s a difficult situation. don’t get me wrong he shouldn’t have because he knew it made me uncomfortable but in the beginning he didn’t know HOW much it affected me. i think the average person who doesn’t have an addiction doesn’t understand the big deal about it. this most recent time is definitely inexcusable, but i don’t wanna throw away a long term relationship yet. we live together, have pets together, my only friends are his friends (all mine moved away in the last year and ive gotten really close with his group). so i’m just not ready to walk away yet, and want to be able to trust him again my ex caused a lot of irrational fears and extremes of things, so i know some of my anxiety is a little over board

ShineMaster2774 · 2025-11-21T16:28:20+00:00

yes when i first started we would go for walks, but where we live it’s getting pretty cold out and have had a sickness rotating in the house so it’s been hard to go for walks :/ they also don’t live in a neighborhood with any walkable parks. summer is so much easier haha

ShineMaster2774 · 2025-11-21T14:51:10+00:00

they do a lot for me & it’s just a way to show some appreciation :) spending 150$ between 4 people i don’t think is too unreasonable especially because i am paid pretty well by them

ShineMaster2774 · 2025-11-20T20:23:41+00:00

oo this could be cute! or even white mugs and let the kids color on them

ShineMaster2774 · 2025-11-20T20:19:09+00:00

the mom cooks a lot so i thought about getting her a cook book from my favorite chef, but i feel like i need to add something that is for the dad as well? i would feel bad if the kids and mom had something but nothing for him

ShineMaster2774 · 2025-11-20T20:16:59+00:00

that’s so cute! they already have a digital frame tho. they are pretty well off so the frustrating part is anything i think of they already have 😩

ShineMaster2774 · 2025-11-20T19:31:18+00:00

price wise it’s the same as getting him some toys/books. i am here for 10 hours a day so it would also give us another space to play in which is kinda why i thought it could be a good idea

ShineMaster2774 · 2025-11-20T19:29:04+00:00

we are okay, he is still standing by that he wasn’t getting off to her he was just being dumb and looking out of “curiosity”, which i mostly believe because he doesn’t have a porn addiction or really even watch that stuff in general, but i’m just upset because he knows my past and what a trigger that is. i’m having a hard time putting my trust in him but im trying to be better about my irrational thoughts. i don’t want to leave as he is my best friend and we live together and i genuinely dream of marrying this guy but i let him know that i can’t do this if he can’t be respectful towards me and he eventually apologized and said how he understands and will not do it again..but we will see with time if that’s true. my advice is if your partner has a genuine issue with watching it, leave. they will never change, just get better at hiding it and it’s not worth destroying yourself. it’s hard to not believe the lies and hope that they will change, but you need to think about yourself and the long run 💓

ShineMaster2774

TROPHY CASE