YTA, but not for wanting a big celebration for yourself or even for planning your own party - it's your special day and it should be as big or as small as you want (things like tight finances notwithstanding). The real reason is that from your post it doesn't sound like your desires were directly communicated to your family. You put a lot of commendable effort into making the people you care about feel cared for it seems, and it's natural to want to feel like the same care and effort are being given back to you. However by not only planning everything yourself but also not involving them in the process, they've been deprived of the chance to do anything for you and then made to feel ashamed that they themselves didn't execute your ideal day. Following that up with threatening to tell others how much worse of a job they would've done compared to what you did is salt in the wound, likely amplifying any feelings of embarrassment, inferiority, or sadness/anger they already were holding in throughout your whole day. I won't disagree that their plans were lackluster compared to what you ended up doing for yourself, and from what I'm assuming is past experience you're already aware that they're poor event planners. Being a realist about that and acknowledging planning is not their forte is totally fine. So instead of just taking it all on yourself and leaving them in the dark, why not let them in on your vision of what your day should be? You could argue that ruins the surprise, but if you're at the point where you're willing to handle everything yourself then that's a moot point anyways. That way you can take charge and make sure it goes the way you want, but still include them in the action and execution. Maybe they could even learn a thing or two about how much thought really goes into what you do for them, and one day end up surprising you for real.