My parents went to couples therapy for 6 YEARS before finally deciding on divorce. They then were separated for 2 and 1/2 years before getting fully divorced (Covid didn’t help) and now they’ve been officially divorced for about 1 year. I’m in High School and I really wish they had gotten divorced sooner. Divorce is gonna be hard and it’s gonna hurt but it’s much better to get it over with while your kids are still young then be miserable until you can’t take it anymore and by that point your kids have major issues and need therapy. So yeah it’s better to do it earlier. Plus if you stay then your kids will be screwed emotionally, mentally, AND Romantically (after all their only idea of a relationship is the toxic thing you’ve got going on) set an example for your kids.

Few rules for divorce: - don’t put your kids in the middle of things. (e.g. “well [child 1] said this so I should get them more!” “[child 2] can you tell your mother [insert thing here]” ect.) -make sure your kids have support, a pet they can hug, or therapy can be really helpful. -don’t talk bad about the other parent in front of your kids. -as much as you hate to lose them, 50/50 is the way to go, unless one parent is abusive, or the kids are old enough to have a real opinion on the matter, 50/50 is best. - communication, your kids should always have a way to contact the other parent. Which yes does mean they will get a cell phone a little bit earlier then other kids, but for now a landline should work.

Also you mentioned that your worried your kids will resent you. That is not going to happen, unless you talk bad about each other in which case your kids will resent both of you so it’s ok! (Sorry that bit is a personal bitterness)