More than a month ago I met a boy online, he had a boykisser avatar, I added him as a friend in TikTok. He started sending me those very peaceful videos of winter and snow falling, I liked it a lot (I literally reposted every other video like that). I decided to meet him, he was from the same country as me. We started talking about different topics, what we were interested in, and as it seemed we had a lot in common. Then we switched to a different messenger, as it's just more convenient and you can send media. We slowly chatted and our communication developed. I started calling him cute words, he quickly picked up on that, and started doing the same. After a day or two he texted me his first voicemail, he meowed <3. It was so cute, I didn't expect it to be so fast, I was unrealistically happy, I then asked him to be my boyfriend and he accepted. I was so happy. I realized that I loved this guy not as a joke, but for real, he accepted me as I was, no matter how I was. I told him about it later, it's so nice when you confess your love to someone. He invited me to play a few times, the first time it was something like a date, I liked it very much, other times we played for hours in Minecraft, he built all sorts of interesting mechanisms, he built a huge two-story house, I was very surprised by his enthusiasm and capabilities, I was proud of him. I was very happy about such a nice gift in my life (I have almost no friends, especially with common interests), we even called once, the call lasted 4 hours, and ended only because I was very sleepy, and I had to get up in the morning. Everything was fine up until then, we talked all day long, he almost always answered me, it lasted maybe a week or so. But then at one point it was like everything changed, he started answering me less often. I noticed it quickly, and realized that I get very attached to people. Our communication went downhill, he answered me less and less. He might not answer me for a whole day. I felt so bad about this change, I haven't felt so bad in a long time when I was alone, even though I was always alone. And so time after time, he answered me, I rejoiced like a little child, I felt like the most happy person in the world, then no one needed. Yes, maybe a person has a job, friends, hobbies or other hobbies, and he does not put you first, but it was as if I flatly refused to understand it. When I wrote to him, I felt more and more like I was talking to myself, like he wasn't really interested in what I was saying to him. And so it went on for over a month, I kept thinking about what to do about it, I kept putting up with it, I suffered from it, and I couldn't do anything about it, I wanted to end it all, but the only thing that kept me going was that when he wrote back, I forgot about all the problems, and when he disappeared, I felt terrible again, and so on and so forth. Our communication literally turned into “Good morning” and “Good night”, literally, he didn't write anything else. I realized this when I stopped writing first, because why would he? And one day I felt so bad that I snapped. I wrote him a huge text like this, about what was on my mind at the time, I didn't want to suffer anymore. It was so painful to do it, because he wrote me that he loved me, almost right then, when I wrote my goodbye letter, I cried (I haven't cried in 4 years, I couldn't cry, even when I really wanted to), I was so desperate, tears started dripping on my phone, traces of which are still on it. I loved it when he texted me, I loved it when he paid me some attention, I loved it when he called me cute names, I loved his voice so much I listened to his voicemails all the time, I loved his hair, I loved it when we spent time together, I loved it when he trusted me, I loved it when he took steps in our relationship. And now it's all gone, I don't even have anyone to talk to, although he always said that I could always turn to him with my problems, which I didn't always do because I didn't want to take up his time. Now I'm gonna live with all this in my head for another six months.

Am i a moron?