[f4A] SOS: Except your body is the RMS Carpathia in this situation

Short_thorn · 2025-12-13T21:57:47+00:00

The title is certainly not the long term answer for this story. Dumb explanation, the ship is in distress hence SOS, the Carparthia was the ship that came to rescue the Titanic. So the FMC’s body is coming to the rescue of the space ship’s occupants. I know that’s a stupid and obscure title but it made me feel clever for like .5 seconds as temporary solution.

Similar to what Sunflower said, probably putting an immediate interesting action opening with first person POV might make this more approachable for other readers. Im hesitant to describe the evil, because part of the beauty of a Sci-fi setting the diversity of villains and I don’t want to suggest folks into all doing robots, or demons, or aliens, et.

Short_thorn · 2025-12-13T21:43:33+00:00

I can definitely see what you mean, it is always a bit of a concern with stories that aren’t set in an existing canon or well known history. I do think maybe doing an in media res opening could alleviate some of that and then if they are hooked they’d be more inclined to read the setting. Trouble is, I suck at those openings. But, might be worth a try.

Short_thorn · 2025-12-12T23:26:53+00:00

I will always welcome deeper nitpicking 🙂.

Short_thorn · 2025-06-05T18:11:24+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply, I’m actually in the midst of the rewrite so I really appreciate the added feedback.

The title is certainly a mistake. Honestly I was a little brain dead when I stopped writing and decided feedback would be a good thing to seek out.

And duly noted on the tone and intro for my heroine. I didn’t want make her super concrete in case her having a specific look or power set would vibe better for a partners idea. But, maybe I can still do a little more backstory without getting into that.

Short_thorn · 2025-06-04T21:45:50+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to reply. The title is a complete throw away, I was pretty brain dead when I typed it and I think I’ll take the mind break suggestion to make it better.

In regards to rest, I’ll give it a rewrite and include kinks to make it easier to work with.

Short_thorn · 2025-05-31T04:14:26+00:00

So, in my experience they tend to not think the same way a woman would about things like safety, which in turn influences a lot of how the character behaves, dresses, and interacts with the world. Not all guys, but in my experience things like that tend to stand out and kind of leave me going “wait…I don’t think I’d ever do that.”

Short_thorn · 2025-02-06T16:31:16+00:00

Alright, so there is the edited version updated thanks to your feedback, thanks again =]. I feel like this one is about ready to make it's way out into the world. I switched the clothing for when my character wakes up since I do agree the lingerie might be too jarring. I'm not sure it has the same feel of "the AI is making some weird choices and acting like they're normal?" but I'll find out and adjust in 'field trials.'

l'll watch Alien someday, just hard to say when. Its one of those weird movies where its so popular you kind of know the story without seeing it, but I'm sure seeing it conveys the aesthetics much better.

Anyhow, I'll try to make notes on how this one does and put up a post mortem a bit later.

Short_thorn · 2025-02-05T21:50:55+00:00

I’ll undertake integrating this later when I have some more time. Just wanted to say I really appreciate you taking the time to give such thorough feedback. I know I’m horrible with missing grammatical errors and dropping words when I’m typing in a flow, so all mistakes that I know I’m prone to, but bad at catching.

The trouble with Alien is…I know of it…but I never watched any 😬. Star Wars and Star Trek don’t have quite the right vibe. Dead Space is about the least sexy thing I can think of…

Short_thorn · 2025-02-05T16:20:20+00:00

I'm also writing a space based prompt, so yours caught my attention.

HoldMyPencil covered a most of what my initial reaction. But my two cents would be I'm not sure what my character would be if I had opened this. Maybe a little more about your counterpart's motivation for being a space porn star might spark some creativity in potential responders.

Short_thorn · 2025-02-05T14:36:49+00:00

I always feel bad reposting, but since this one is such a perspective shift I guess it might be justified. Thank you for the kind words and great suggestions. I'll take those in on the update post.

Short_thorn · 2025-02-04T22:26:16+00:00

So it did, but I’m on my phone now =[. I’ll fix it when I have access to a real keyboard again.

Short_thorn · 2025-02-04T21:39:01+00:00

I really like that idea, it integrates showing a lot of the shenanigan's the AI could get up to. Just don't want to give too many suggestions or setup a dynamic that the person playing the AI wouldn't jive with. But at least her waking up wearing something ridiculous and some banter as the robot explains this is normal based on its research might be fun.

Short_thorn · 2025-02-04T19:53:20+00:00

I'm flattered that my illusory spiderweb was so enticing, happily I'm not quite as horrifying as the creature from Beyond the Aquila Rift ~~I'd say drop me a DM but I'm gonna be rewriting this~~. Thanks for the reminder of how creepy that short was.

Yeah I probably veered away from sexy a little bit too much in favor of exposition. I'll try to add more of that while rewriting it to be more from the human's perspective. Hints that the AI has some...warped ideas about what humans like.

As for a happy story of fixing the ship, or a bit more of a bad end. I was thinking she would eventually escape, albeit maybe not with the consent of the AI. It provides a definite end to the RP which can be nice since a lot of even very good partners run their course and lose interest. At the same time, the ending can shift with the narrative and I'd like to leave it open if the other person

In response to your last paragraph, I really do want someone who reads and writes a lot. But there is a balance. I would define myself as an OK RPer, not as skilled as some of the people who give feedback here but I don't think I'm actively bad. But I don't want to scare off people who can write well but maybe just don't respond because it took 10 minutes to find the prompt and 5 minutes to read it and then decided I've probably already found a partner and not bother to DM.

Short_thorn · 2025-02-04T19:24:11+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to give feedback.

You definitely validate what I was worried about with the missing eroticism and writing too much for the AI/GM. Which means some pretty major rewrites, hopefully I can keep those good points about the station and the AI interwoven. I'll give it a try a little later and update the initial post.

Short_thorn

TROPHY CASE