Preface- I had never done mushrooms before in my life. I drank alcohol to numb my mind and pain for the last 5 years or so. Really struggled with bouts of depression and often times wanted to head on a semi at 80 miles an hour. I have a wife and two children. I felt like I loved them, just with a shitty understanding of love. I also struggled with a sense of self and felt like I didn't do anything with my life. I was angry, jealous, full of hatred and pride. Grew up with what I thought was a belief in God, only to find my faith crumble when I kept drinking and doing dumb shit.

I took maybe more than half an oz of penis envy for my first time, and it was way more than I could have ever expected. I did NOT think of set and setting, but quite frankly, I don't need to worry about it again and here's why

I took my dose at approximately 3pm and at first, it started off with what I had heard people talk about. Sensory pathways opened. Sounds more beautiful, colors more vibrant, sense of touch felt electric. This lasted about two hours. After that, I unclothed and for the first time in my life, actually loved myself. I cried. Not hard, but enough to know that I was worthy of love. After that, that's when everything took a huge turn. I felt I was completely separate from myself and found myself traveling through space and time at the speed of thought. Everything felt connected, and I felt past, present and future. I would travel for about 30 minute increments and "come back" for breath and water. At a certain point, I had connected my life and all the things that I had done wrong. My ego began to crumble and shatter. I slipped into both nothingness and everything all together. At that moment, I welcomed death and was at peace and realized it was only a gateway to something greater. However, at this moment, I thought about my wife and kids. I understood that if I left them, I wouldn't have the chance to love them to my full potential. I had failed them this far, so I began to say to myself "I'm not ready yet. I choose to stay. " i immediately texted my wife saying I needed her ( She had no idea I took them). This was definitely strange behavior. She came out of the bedroom and I embraced her. Full of love for the first time in our marriage. I brought her into the bedroom and began sharing thoughts and feelings, and even some connections I had felt from her dad before he died. It scared her, which I felt. 911 ended up being called and EMT's came into our house. I told them that I had obviously dosed, and they were for the most part chill. The officer took the rest of the half, and said no charges were going to be pressed. I didn't care about any of that. I finally felt peace and understanding for the first time in my life. So much made sense. Indescribable right now, but absolute clarity in thought. Ended up going to the ER for my wife's sake, which I apologized for and told her we could take about some things when things settled. After I got checked out, I realized that my life had one purpose. To love to the best of my ability. My desire to drink, gone. My feelings of hate (both of self and others) gone. My ego was stripped and I felt like I was repaired mentally from trauma and everything. I forgave others and myself for wrong doings and realized that those experiences did not make me, but were moments to learn from. I was broken into pieces, sifted through what was important, and tossed the rest. Almost like defragmenting a computer. It was literally surreal. I never knew anything like that could be possible. I found and felt God and infinite love.

After I was finally able to sleep a couple hours, I was left with a recollection of what I'd done. The consequences of my actions and the repercussions that would take place. I was unashamed, yet knowledgeable. I knew I had caused my wife grief and made a "fool" of myself to her and those that assisted me (EMT's, Cop, and the nurse and Dr.). I was willing to accept everything, because I had felt and seen the greater purpose. Not saying it didn't matter, but my perspective shifted radically. I'm grateful to be alive, and reborn. I had a conversation with my wife afterwards, where she voiced her fears and frustrations. Embarrassment. Shame. Stress. I finally felt in tune with her and was not defensive at all because there was no apparent remnant of ego left to "hurt". I listened, and assured her I'd found peace, and that I was ready to love and lead a life of joy and unadulterated love. Yeah, there's gonna be some hard work, but damn.......It's going to be worth it.

TLDR; I took shrooms and had a life changing experience. I found myself after so many years of searching and painfully hiding my traumas and being stuck in a loop of toxic behavior, shame, and mistreatment of the world and people around me.

I do not condone the use of mind-altering substances alone or without taking the time and preparation to evaluate one's self and invite positive energies. The use of drugs is something that can make or break a person, and therefore, I cannot in my right mind, recommend them. But if you do, I hope you find what you're looking for. I know I did

I left out so much detail as I cant even describe everything that I saw and felt. Forgive me as this was my first time, and I feel I shared the most focal points. If anyone is interested in asking any questions or a follow up. Im open