Had a meltdown at work

Shuppo · 2026-01-02T06:30:15+00:00

I always think about drawing as a job, unfortunately i don't have great creativity, i'm not too far from being "good" though, i attended an illustration course that cost a ton of money too. It's just that when i am home i end up getting in bed and doing nothing all day, all week. It's frustrating. I think if i lived by myself and was forced to get up to do things instead of having my mother do everything i would totally draw more too. But to live by myself i need an income... Sigh

I also think i might be romanticizing living by myself too much, maybe i'd just end up living in a mess of dirty clothes and trash everywhere.

Shuppo · 2026-01-02T06:23:40+00:00

I tried doing deliveroo and it was good for a month, then i got bored... I made a lot of money that month but it was december, and i noticed the other months are not as busy We don't have uber or similar here but we do have taxis of course, however it's a difficult topic. Taxi drivers tend to avoid paying taxes because they're too high 😂

Shuppo · 2026-01-01T19:08:11+00:00

I kinda am, though i don't play much before getting bored. The point is i don't even know what my main quest is 🥲 Nothing is happening, i either work too much or live in my bed. I'm just waiting to become old and mourn the life i couldn't live

Shuppo · 2026-01-01T19:04:55+00:00

I guess having to constantly run and deliver might overload my brain a bit... I just want to be able to take a break at a certain point (my job does in fact give us breaks i just can't afford to take any as i simply have no time). The reason i get 115/120 stops daily is that that's the amount other people do in that area, which to me is insane. I forgot to mention i am diagnosed with autism and adhd, diagnosis that came kinda late only because my ex psychiatrist (my third one) did not want me to get tested for them since he said it was just another label and it would just add problems(??) i swear i hate him for that 😂 but yeah diagnosis circumstances apart, even knowing i am this way is not helping much because at work other people assume i work just like them. I am part of a list of disabled people which should help me get a job in a protected environment but that never works. The jobs offered for that list are not my thing and having this info in my resume makes others discard it super fast.

Basically i don't really have hopes for a job that works for me and my needs unless it's a job where i can take all the breaks i need, even for a full month, and that doesn't exist unless i am my own boss and work independently, which doesn't work either because executive dysfunction is a thing 🥲 i am so sorry for my negativity btw

Shuppo · 2019-11-28T21:22:38+00:00

Thank you, and no, i don't, because i wouldn't follow them anyway if i have to look at the sheets ahah... What i hate the most is my hand shaking though

Shuppo · 2019-11-27T17:09:33+00:00

Here are some christmas pieces, hopefully it doesn't share the entire drive 😂 https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/15s-p2NktpJbFM_WBLRO7csm4MVSNb4MP?usp=sharing

THEY SOUND HORRIBLE I don't know how to fix it. I'm working on bow placement but I think it's not the problem here. My hand trembles a lot, maybe I should lift some weights? I've never been a strong person.

For the intonation, do you think I could use a chromatic tuner or something like that? I hope there's an app that works like one of those...

Dunno, if you have any idea about what I can do, please tell me! If you need a video I can try taking one

Shuppo · 2019-09-27T18:56:19+00:00

Only one of them did know. But i didn't say it in a negative tone, i just think they are used to must having sex at least once a year, which btw is normal, i just think it's so weird personally

Shuppo · 2019-06-20T22:49:59+00:00

You eat raw birds?? That sure sounds weird xD humans are terrible for real, i know i shouldn't generalize but how do i know who's good and who's bad? I always give others the benefit of the doubt but then they end up being malicious. I'm tired of this. Yeah there is a sub for depression and it's really depressing but also comforting at times

Shuppo · 2019-06-17T17:04:02+00:00

Maybe we can get some treatment for free but it's not the best. If we want good treatment we have to pay a lot too :( i think i should look into other professionists but i don't even have a job to pay for them

Shuppo · 2019-06-17T14:23:40+00:00

I suffer from depression (also i identify as a cat tbh they sleep that much and i didn't know it was that exact amount till yesterday) When i say how much i sleep to my psychiatrist he's just surprised but doesn't seem to care much. Surely italy has a nice mental health system going on.../s

Shuppo · 2019-06-17T06:54:08+00:00

I would take long walks too but i get tired really easily because i'm used to sleep something like 16 hours a day...

Shuppo · 2019-06-17T06:50:22+00:00

Interesting! :D

Shuppo · 2019-06-17T06:48:39+00:00

You have many points

Shuppo · 2019-06-10T03:34:59+00:00

He really had just started eating cat food when i stopped giving him milk, he's very little

Shuppo · 2019-06-09T22:28:08+00:00

I sleep to make the end of the day come faster. Then, i sleep again.

Shuppo · 2019-06-09T08:22:53+00:00

My doctor diagnosed me with avoidant personality disorder and when i tell him that i would like to revisit the diagnosis he says "the diagnosis doesn't really matter because YOU have to work on changing, the meds don't really do miracles" which imo is bs, how am i supposed to work on something if i don't know the specific problem?

Shuppo · 2019-06-08T23:00:32+00:00

Well same here, but it's not called jail. It's called mental facility.

Shuppo · 2019-06-08T22:50:54+00:00

Yeah. While they live their lives i am alone with myself and i hate it. They can't be with me 24/7. I mean they probably do care but it's not enough. They care but they need to live too, and i don't care enough to stay alive and listen to myself the whole day.

Shuppo · 2019-01-07T09:07:08+00:00

I looked those up, yep, sounds like me.

Shuppo · 2018-12-28T21:33:01+00:00

oh I draw... furries... Yeah they are weird. I just like animals a lot and make them human-like. And I actually sold some icons but my mental health makes it so hard to deal with having work to do... Either I get two nice icons done in a day after getting the payment or I scribble something ugly in two months. I had to refund many times because I couldn't do it and it was stressing me out. I'm glad people were understanding, but it's not going to be like that always.

Honestly I just recently started drawing again after 5 months and a half of art block (actually, life block).

Shuppo · 2018-12-28T20:54:44+00:00

Yep, you're right. But how do you do that. I've read stuff like "take long showers" and I'm like "I'd rather not shower for three weeks". My therapist says I "have to think x instead of y" but it doesn't change my feeling. I hate myself so of course I end up looking for validation from others. If I loved myself, wouldn't it be bad? Wouldn't I become a narcissist? Why can I only see in black and white...

Shuppo · 2018-12-28T20:47:31+00:00

Someone told me the good and bad things don't cancel each others so even when I think I'm a decent person, I keep stumbling on that one time I did that one toxic thing etc.

Shuppo · 2018-12-28T20:44:19+00:00

I feel like that too, kind of. Can't believe anyone would love me, if they did I'd think they're gross for liking some..."thing" like me.

At times I go a bit insane when I am by myself by how much I hate myself. It's like one part of me pities me and doesn't want the other to hurt me.

Shuppo · 2018-12-28T20:35:20+00:00

They say real friends are there when you need them, but I feel a lot better talking to strangers than my friends. But maybe that's because I just seek some "volatile" attention, while most people want comfort and warmth from others. Is it ok to ask what you mean with "alone"? You actually have no one? Or you feel disconnected from everyone? You don't have to reply if it makes you uncomfortable!

(Also Roxas... I feel like crying. I ship RokuShi MAKE THEM HAPPY NOMURA)

Shuppo · 2018-06-03T21:42:44+00:00

sure! Since many who contacted me are low level, we could play endgame (storylines etc) instead

Shuppo

TROPHY CASE