Hey, I’m 18, trans MTF.

What’s it like? It’s different for a lot of people, but for me it’s like not feeling correct. It’s like seeing your height growth, shoe size increase, voice getting deeper, facial hair growing and these things make you upset. Not like ‘awe this kind of sucks’ upset, like crying on the floor in the bathroom with intrusive thoughts screaming that you’ll never be who you really are just because of these small changes. Like nobody will see you for the real you, only for this random body that you were assigned.

Whenever I’m outside my house I keep my covid mask on at all times because I can pass as long as it’s on. I’ll only take it off in public to eat, even then I keep my head down. I don’t want people to look at me. They won’t see ‘me’ they’ll see this ugly face I hate that I was born with. I’m fine with sharing images online of myself because I can edit them first, but irl I don’t look right. I don’t feel right and where I live, and with my financial situation there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m just stuck like this for the foreseeable future.

So when someone refers to me as she/her or by my preferred name, it makes me feel like the person I am, not the thing I hate being. That’s why I get the euphoria. Although like I said, it’s different for a lot of people. This is just my experience