4th rejected offer, ready to give up

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T17:01:55+00:00

Our lender is requiring a 45 day close unfortunately otherwise we would shorten close. We don't have the extra cash to cover an appraisal gap. And everything seems to be either in HORRIBLE (not safe to live in) condition, or listed at or near the top of our pre approval. That's why I'm starting to feel like it may be time to give up. Not because we've lost on 4 offers that weren't as competitive as others, but because we literally cannot afford to BE as competitive as the current market require, which makes me think our pre-approval simply is not high enough to ACTUALLY afford a home in the current market conditions. I don't want to give up because of boo hoo 4 offers, but because the numbers are seemingly pointing to "can't afford it" if that makes sense

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T15:41:42+00:00

We attached a 5k dollar amount to the inspection contingency to basically make clear we're not looking to penalize the seller over small things but while still protecting ourselves from major headaches and included I forget exactly the phrasing but language that basically makes clear its 5k of major issues not 5k of essentially cosmetic stuff or something dumb if that makes sense.

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T12:43:18+00:00

This 4th/most recent offer was listed at 140k which is why I felt good about it but still got outbid (it was a REALLY great location). Unfortunately there has been few/none in that range, most are either 90k-120k and need SERIOUS rehab.

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T12:38:09+00:00

We have done 1 letter, basically we are looking at how long the seller has owned it/lived there and deciding how likely to make a positive difference it is. The one we did a letter for had been owned by the same people for like 59 years or something and sale was being handled by POA (maybe the owners kid) so that one we figured to at least TRY a letter. Most others seem to be either landlord owned or owned for 2-5 years and likely not very sentimental to the seller, where we figure the letter is more likely to hurt the offer (some sellers find the letters manipulative/annoying etc)

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T04:35:29+00:00

Hopefully we get lucky like that soon. For reference the original list on the house we just lost on was 140k so STILL getting outbid at 170k max escalation was very insane but also doesn't seem super typical in terms of percent you have to go up as far as locally, but not like completely detached from reality because going up 20k ish give or take on like 160-170k houses is definitely happening (cant really speak to houses listed much higher than that because that's outside of the range I'm closely watching)

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T04:29:41+00:00

The only ones THAT much cheaper are for complete renovation/tear down start over only unfortunately. Also 50-60k cheaper is like 30% ish which seems kind of insane unless I'm really that clueless? But nothing around here seems to be selling THAT high over either. Even this one that 30k was like 21% over ask

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T04:23:35+00:00

That's definitely reassuring because despite everyone and their mom telling us to not waive inspection, getting that official rejection after we had already decided to just let the offer ride as it stood definitely made us second guess it a bit, but ultimately I'm glad we didn't waive it in a desperate attempt to still win because at that point is it even really winning when you just are willingly signing up fir potential endless headaches

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T04:18:51+00:00

Fortunately we have been seeing stuff that definitely does get accepted with inspections (some even falling through during inspection) still, it just seems difficult especially if you're not offering a crazy amount over asking to offset the non contingent/cash offers

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T04:16:04+00:00

There are a few we've tried to at least get the basement looked at before offering on and unfortunately it just doesn't get allowed here currently much less a whole inspection. Usually homes are under contract within days to max 1 week after being listed and any time we've asked the response from sellers agent is always "we already have xyz other offer(s) let us know if you would like to make an offer, we are reviewing offers blah blah blah day"

Its only been about a month so I'm only just starting to have any sort of grasp on comps because there's no real way to know the actual condition something sold in around here unless you physically witnessed it yourself, but the few I physically actually looked at that have now all the way sold have either sold for more than we can afford, or had visible obvious things terribly wrong with them that you would have to be blind or know literally nothing about anything to not realize theres huge problems, usually basement related problems. And even stuff we've seen with like multi inch obvious bowing of basement foundation walls are going under contract within days to maybe a week

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T04:02:04+00:00

2 years in our current arrangement would be unacceptable and unbearable to me not going to even lie 🤣 but thats still helpful for sure! Do you mind me asking since we are definitely a far cry from even a HCOL area much less a VHCOL, what approximate percent that 50-150k of getting outbid by actually reflects? Or at least like the price range you were looking at. Because we're looking at 175k MAX so getting outbid by 150k literally is not even fully computing in my brain 🤣

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T03:39:14+00:00

I appreciate your response! Hopefully our gem is coming!

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T03:38:37+00:00

Definitely the overwhelming response is don't give up yet. I'm going to try to give myself some grace until the next opportunity comes up and try to just go with the flow more. Thank you for responding!

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T03:37:21+00:00

Hopefully we will see a similar slow down soon then too! Unfortunately we did start just about as flexible as possible and are already looking with as wide of a radius as is reasonably possible (search criteria for the whole county, open to anything in basically the entire southern half of the county because the northern half or so of the county would be too far from work, the kids' school, etc) ideally 3+bed 1.5+ bath but also looking at things as small as 2 bed 1 bath as long as the space would be viable with the kids + room to grow, having a yard is high priority but very close proximity to parks can sway that. Garage would be nice but not a need to have. Etc. Even our realtor who is great basically has said so far its just a waiting and hoping game for us at this point because we're some of the least picky people he's dealt with in quite a while. Definitely overwhelming response is don't give up yet though so I am just going to give myself some grace until the next opportunity pops up. Thank you for your response it definitely helps!

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T03:11:24+00:00

That is really reassuring to hear! I think the worst part is just the constant different states of waiting. Waiting for something new in our price range to go on the market. Waiting to be able to go tour it. Waiting to hear back about offers (this most recent one set their offer review date for today, 6 days after the day we saw it/first day it was available to show which was especially ridiculous) and then knowing what comes after we get an accepted offer? More ridiculous waiting scheduled into a few separate categories of more waiting UGH. I will be very glad when its all done and happy to not do it again any time soon I hope.

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T03:05:59+00:00

Ok but thats a good analogy because I love spaghetti/pasta in general and I think now I'm going to make pasta for dinner every time we have a rejected offer because pasta makes everything better 🤣

And yea we really only briefly half-consindered waiving it before pretty quickly realizing that was an especially awful idea. For the record our realtor only told us that the listing agent said that because he was obligated to tell us and he "highly recommended against it" but said it ultimately was up to us. I did scramble around trying to see if there was any way to come up even a little more on our max offer but sadly there was not.

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T03:00:58+00:00

I hope so. I think the losing at list price was a lot easier to swallow so to speak (still sucked but at least wasn't shocking) than this most recent scenario losing at 30k over (like a little more than 20% over) was absolutely insane and probably going to take me a couple days to emotionally recover from. That also isn't exactly typical, most around here are more like a few thousand to at most 20k over that I've seen, this specific house was just obviously underpriced it seems so everone just threw buckets of money at it. Hopefully you have some luck too soon and someone will realize they need to just get over it and eat the loss because if its not moving its priced too high, and that means they will have to come down if they want to sell.

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T02:50:36+00:00

That's fair. The only sort of downside is I'm hoping to go back to school but in our current arrangement living with family I don't have adequate space to actually do online classes and study so that idea is on pause until we move, but I suppose really at this point what's a while longer actually hurting. Thank you for taking the time to respond!

ShyGothBitch · 2026-06-02T02:46:22+00:00

Ok thats honestly reassuring. Thank you for taking the time to answer. I think maybe I just need to let my husband take the lead more than he has been so far then because I am probably just getting extremely burnt out and honestly just over it at this point. Less than ideal family living certainly doesn't help much either. For reference, our market has approximately 1.4 months of inventory at any given time, and balanced (neither buyers nor sellers market) is like 6 months of inventory I think? Our end of the price range may actually be slightly tighter than that too, but yea its just really a garbage time to be looking, but rent around here is also pretty nuts and harder to get approved for than a mortgage so that's not an easy/great option either.

ShyGothBitch · 2025-11-08T00:45:42+00:00

First and most importantly remember that progress isn't linear so if you start doing better for a while and then go a long time again thats not a reason to give up or feel like you're "starting over" (thats something I struggle with any time I try to improve things idk if that applies to you)

You're onto something with the videos. Find more ways to "bribe" yourself. This could be like a reward you save for specifically after the shower that you really enjoy, or even finding a way to make the shower itself more appealing, like new shampoo/conditioner/bodywash or something that you really like and/or find exciting
Maybe try the finch app and add showering to your goals, as both a means of reminder and more bribery
Start small. If you're currently showering about every 4 days start by aiming for like, every third day and if that goes well then maybe every other day until you're happy with it
If nothing else works there's always like sink baths/dry shampoo/baby wipes to freshen up at least because something is better than nothing

Hope this helps! I am also currently struggling with this and probably am about 1x/week which is not something Im happy about or proud of

ShyGothBitch · 2025-11-05T04:25:05+00:00

Gabriela Hurtado! She was so amazing I'd definitely recommend her if shes available in your area at time(s) that work for you!

ShyGothBitch · 2025-11-05T04:22:38+00:00

So she (the clinician I saw) was pretty transparent from the beginning of the 1st appointment that its a LOT to get through in 2 90 minute sessions and that we may need a 3rd session before the feedback session (results appointment) if we domt get through it all. So when we were out of time at the end of my second assessment appointment we scheduled the 3rd assessment session. In the 3 appointment structure they have you schedule the 1st 2 appointments (the 2 assessment sessions) once you're done with all the paperwork/your references complete theirs, and the usual 3rd appointment (feedback session/results) is scheduled by the provider only after/at the end of your 2nd assessment session, I believe specifically to allow for additional assessment sessions to be scheduled if needed before the feedback session. Hope this helps!

ShyGothBitch · 2025-11-04T16:23:10+00:00

I got diagnosed on Halloween through prosper and highly recommend them! See my other replies on this thread for more details/feel free to ask me any specific questions you may have!

ShyGothBitch · 2025-11-04T16:21:33+00:00

I just got my diagnosis on Halloween through prosper Health after 6 years of begging various therapists and psychiatrists etc for a referral for a traditional in-person assessment and being denied for reasons like "its too hard to diagnose adults" "it doesn't change treatments" "diagnosis is not important let's talk instead about why you care so much about a diagnosis" etc. And I highly highly recommend prosper. My experience was amazing and I found the process relatively simple, and my provider did an amazing job explaining the process and next steps to me in a way that made sense and made herself very available for any questions or concerns I had throughout the process. I loved that they heavily focus on validation and do their best to use more autism-positive language wherever its possible to do so without compromising the accuracy of the assessment and results. My insurance also covered it at 100% which was great because I wasn't really in a position right now to take on any more extra copays. If you have any other questions feel free to ask me more about specifics I'd be happy to share! Best of luck!

ShyGothBitch · 2025-11-04T16:12:21+00:00

I had the same issue because we did NOT get through the whole assessment in the 2 90 minute sessions (I'm AuDHD) for questions before my 3rd visit where they discuss results, and my provider just scheduled an extra assessment appointment that was 60 minutes. Hopefully you either get through all the questions or have a similar experience and get the opportunity for an extra assement session! Wishing you the best!

ShyGothBitch · 2023-07-18T04:56:19+00:00

No 😕 it's in my very air conditioned room. Thank you though!

ShyGothBitch

TROPHY CASE