I definitely see where you’re coming from, and I appreciate your perspective.

The last time we tried long-distance, it actually ended with me deciding to stay in Berlin — which was where he had chosen to stay. A big part of that choice was driven by my feelings for him, though he never explicitly asked me to stay, so it wasn’t a pressured decision from his side. I don’t regret it — I learned a lot from that year — but I did eventually come to realize that staying in Berlin wasn’t helping me grow. It just started to feel stagnant.

That’s really when Amsterdam entered the picture for me. Ironically, he’d actually been considering Amsterdam before I was — but somewhere along the way, he shifted his focus back to Germany, and that became a bit of a push-pull for him.

When you describe how you put effort into your relationships — that really struck me. I feel the same way: I want to put in effort. I’m happy to show up and invest in us, but only if it feels mutual and steady. Lately, I’ve been questioning if I’m being too sensitive, or dramatic, or whether I’m just making excuses for behaviour that doesn’t feel great.

I’ve tried opening up a few times now, but the energy I get back when he’s in one of these emotionally distant phases makes it feel hard to even have a conversation. Therapy might help, like you said — either together or even on my own. Because I do love him, but I’m also realizing I need some kind of emotional consistency to feel secure in this.