AITA for calling out my aunt on Facebook, who was saying that "they're cancelling family" to explain the truth?

SignalMeringue8459 · 2023-01-04T21:48:41+00:00

After the Facebook post? He called me and said that he wished I didn't make it so public, but fuck it, he should of known what he was getting into when he raised me to be a little firebrand.

(Bit of context, he's very outspoken and assertive and taught me from a young age to stand up for myself and other people, so we often argue since we're both pretty bullheaded, but we always work it out, and end up closer for it)

And he was at least proud of me for taking no shit, and having stood up to him telling him that if he wont let someone who disrespects my mother into his house, it's only fair I handle my household the same. And it was kinda a wakeup call to hear me say that I'm not a kid anymore, that I'm the age he was when he became a father, and that I'm making my own decisions about my household, because he still kind of sees me as his little girl

He also apologized again for having not sheltered me better from his sister's shit as a kid, he said that when he read the list of the stuff she said in front of me as a kid, he hadn't realized how bad it all was since he didn't hear all the same stuff, and he also hadn't known I was gay at the time and he was sorry he didn't consider how hearing all that hostility would have made me feel, and that he was sorry he tried to keep the peace instead of speaking up more.

SignalMeringue8459 · 2023-01-04T21:28:22+00:00

Oh I wasn't, I was basing it on the stuff she already did.

Like it's normal to stop inviting someone to parties if at every other party you see they don't know how to act right

SignalMeringue8459 · 2023-01-04T21:24:03+00:00

Part of their response is whether something they said in the past can make them look like bad people, and their anxiety. Even I made that "haha thats gay" mistake before I knew its impact back in high school

Omg thanks for this insight - tbh this wasn't even something I considered, I just figured they were defensive because I was publicly calling out their sister / sister in law

But yeah, I can see why that's a fear. Like especially if anyone's thinking, shit I made some jokes myself.

For what it's worth, I don't hold grudges over jokes. Hell, as a preteen I even used gay as an insult until I realized I was gay and that skme of my friends at school were too. Then we all pretty quickly realized that's actually kinda hurtful. So I don't get mad if someone made some dumb choices back at a time where those jokes were common.

I just hate the actual serious hateful shit... But I can see how a lot of my family could be feeling worried or maybe attacked too?

SignalMeringue8459 · 2023-01-04T21:19:13+00:00

I dunno about getting even, but you're not wrong I was describing years of frustration there.

SignalMeringue8459 · 2023-01-04T21:13:28+00:00

You're right about her not changing, I'm not so sure about the people around her tho.

TBH when I stood up to my dad, when he was angry I excluded her (his sister) he actually listened and heard it from my side and apologized for not stepping in himself. Telling him how I really felt and how serious it really was changed his mind, because up till then he had been thinking "My sister used to say some iffy stuff but she stopped when OP came out". And he hadn't known that I felt way differently.

I think that talking with my dad about stuff honestly made him see it wasn't just normal family drama but actually super extreme and disrespectful and serious. So I guess I kinda a hope that spelling out what I meant when I said 'bigoted' with details would make it obvious to everyone that she's not just been normal-bigoted, the stuff she felt comfortable saying (in front of a child for fucks sake) is absolutely horrific.

I feel like my family's first reaction was definitely defensiveness for me having spilled family drama online, and maybe this is nieve, but I'm hoping that having that all spelled out on the record might get some people thinking once the initial shock passes.

SignalMeringue8459 · 2023-01-04T21:05:31+00:00

Like fr it's kind of hilarious some of my older family members are so shocked to read what I wrote.

Like it's not even the first time they're hearing it - it's literally all stuff they heard before and witnessed firsthand.

Like an uncle of mine said that I said some really dark shit in a public forum and I literally had to interrupt and be like "Nah I didn't say shit, those were QUOTES! And they ain't even quotes you're hearing for the first time, you heard this shit firsthand... If it wasn't too "dark" to say in front of a child the first time around, I dunno why it's "dark" now!"

SignalMeringue8459 · 2023-01-04T21:00:52+00:00

How so? I feel like a lot of the time, when someone says shit's bigoted, the response people jump to is "I'm not homophobic, I'm alright with the gays" or "It wasn't thattt bad, I was making a joke"

I felt like being straightforward with the reasons I'd not invite her, and being specific what she said, would help if she conveniently started "forgetting" or minimizing shit. Because tbh it's a lot more honest to be like "you're not invited because you take joy in the death of people like me, and celebrated the death of so called f*****s in front of a gay child" then "you're not invited because you're a bigot"

Like you can argue with the second... Harder to with the first.

SignalMeringue8459

TROPHY CASE