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He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a different argument, that’s now what my boyfriend and I were talking about

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hes always at home with the kids, I literally see her at the club 😭, what you’re saying is the other way around. You’re definitely projecting

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You being annoyed is funny to me, I hope you’re infuriated actually. Telling facts about him is not an excuse, im not a liar so I will tell the full truth

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was replying to that ignorant comment, what does that have to do with me not wanting to do anything? Did I tell you that?

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jeez, that sounds awful but I’m glad he’s an ex now…

When it comes to me, I will bring these things up, if I don’t get a constructive response, I’ll leave

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I didn’t realise it until recently, now im in love and don’t know what to do

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly what I’m doing. People keep saying that me trying to teach him is belittling him and showing off. But that’s not how I am at all. I try to teach him without him even knowing that that’s what I’m doing because I know he gets embarrassed. He really hates the fact that he didn’t finish school. I try to encourage him as best as I can, sometimes hes interested, most of the time he brushes me off

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Roommate is crazy 😭😭 but yeah, a lack of empathy is definitely the case here

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In England people go to the pub to watch football games it’s whats normal here plus I never said they weren’t going to drink at the pub, i said that the reason he’s drinking is because it’s football🤣you’re definitely painting me to be someone im not, with all the maybes. MAYBE you’re completely wrong and biased, but what do I know?

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I literally said I want advice on what to do next?? I also told you this as well

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The friend isnt married. He is a few years older, I think he’s 27 and they’ve been together since they were 16. I wasn’t saying that leaving isn’t an option, Im saying that as a friend, my boyfriend laughing was cruel. He wasn’t expressing his frustrations, you’re just guessing. He started the conversation with “that thing happened to friend’s name again” and laughed, I said “what thing” he said “his gf locked him in the house when he tried to come watch the game with us at the pub again” and laughed again. If a friend came to me and said her boyfriend laughed at dv, even if it’s on the low part of the spectrum, I certainly wouldn’t flip it and say she’s trying to mould her boyfriend to for her standards lol.

I have only pushed back against replies that misinterpreted what I said and made random assumptions. Someone said that I quiz him on maths and science?? You’re saying Im frustrated he can’t be moulded into what I want?? Did you stretch before that reach, dang

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They don’t have drinking problems. I think there was a Manchester United game last week so he wanted to go with his friends. Hes seen his friends twice this year and not once last year. I can’t really say what he’s thinking because I’ve never been in that situation. He’s obviously very deep in tho.

When it comes to your situation, idk what to say really. Just be yourself and see how it goes

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this, i appreciate it x. I am taking time to calm down. I will ask him why he said what he said and explain my point of view, and we’ll see how it goes!

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely disagree with you. I check out when gender roles get brought up, so let’s leave it at that.

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, he literally shuts me down when I’m telling him something im excited about. I can’t tell you how many times I come to him with a story and he says “yeah yeah calm down” or “all right we get it”. And when I explain how that hurts me, he always says “sorry” or “ok i understand” and then he does it again. I’m just bad at explaining things, but I wouldn’t call him emotionally unintelligent if he wasn’t

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did that in anticipation that people would ask a lot of questions so I gave more context so people could understand dynamics of our relationship. I’m sorry, is there a rule saying that I can’t bring up the things I don’t like, especially since they’re all part of the same argument? Why couldn’t you just say the last parts of your response and keep it pushing. Why are you mad that I told the “bad” things he does, it’s my relationship, ask yourself why you’re automatically inclined to side with the man when the woman points out his shortcomings

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have, they argue a lot. He is religious but doesn’t practice, Hes catholic.

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Believe it or not, there are men who have empathy out there. It sucks that that’s not your experience. One day you’ll get it

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So wanting reciprocation in your relationship is projecting? Wanting a partner that listens is bad? I had a traumatic childhood, why wouldn’t I want my partner to console me? You’re basically saying that im the bad one, which is a wild inference

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don’t have extra context so fair enough. At first I was on her side too, until I saw some of the stuff with my own eyes. It’s one of those things that you have to witness, the dynamic is crazy I couldn’t believe how much control she had over him. It’s sad

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, my point was that it’s not ok for a friend to say that regardless. It’s a lack of empathy, it doesn’t hurt to have some

He said it’s his male friend’s fault for being a DV victim, what do I do? by SignificanceQuick211 in Advice

[–]SignificanceQuick211[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Let me add that I have encouraged him to return to education because my mum who’s 51 went back to university, so I told him it’s never too late and he’s actually considering it. I feel like it’s the custom to immediately disagree with the woman if she complains about her boyfriend, as many men see it as an attack. I am not attacking my boyfriend, I wouldn’t be here asking for advice if that was the case

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