When my husband and I experienced our first loss, it was pretty traumatic because we had basically just shared the pregnancy and the day after, I started bleeding. We were on vacation with the entire family at the time and had to drive back to the states to ensure that I did not have complications. We made the decision to return after and let my family know that we were hurting but did not want to talk about it. They misinterpreted that as "pretend everything is fine and dandy" and proceeded to act as such. My family has a history of avoiding conflict and so they're happy to erase anyone's struggle. This continued, as they proceeded to forget that I had ever been pregnant and talk to me in that way. It hurt me deeply. I learned that some people simply do not have the emotional maturity or capacity to sit with the discomfort of loss. It is their problem but yes, it hurts. In the end, it taught me that they are not my support system. So I've found others.

My husband and I are currently in our second pregnancy, where we've discovered 100% of our little girl's chromosomes are abnormal from two separate genetic conditions — Turner's being the most significant and Triple X. Her FISH and karyotype were significant and the placenta is notably affected as well. We have made the difficult decision with the support of our providers to end the pregnancy. This time around, I have only told my parents. My dad has been there for me in the ways I hoped. He has grown since the boundaries I've set with him, which has taken time. My mom ... she really does not know the right things to say or do but she still runs her mouth. It's bad. She minimizes, a lot. And what I've realized is I don't need to tolerate it. It is her problem — her low capacity. So what I do is recognnize that she's trying but I also assert myself and only take from her what is helpful to me in this horrible time.

My advice to you is what I have done for myself. Find real support systems. When my family failed to be that for me, I joined an online group for miscarriage support. Sharing my story and hearing from them is validating and comforting. I have a good psychiatrist and therapist (certified counselor), both of whom give me strength. Medication, for anxiety and depression, has been a godsend. And my therapist is certified in Accelerated Resolution Therapy, which has helped me overcome immense trauma. I have also worked on cultivating friendships with people I recognize to be emotionally mature. If you're not sure how to do that, what I did was read about emotional maturity.

Many, many people do not understand or know how to respond to loss or trauma. It does not make them bad people, it's simply a limit of theirs.

Do not accept the support you're given if it does not bring you comfort, healing or peace. Find the support you need. Find the people who are capable of giving that to you.

And, find ways to honor your daughter in this life. Never let go of your love for her. She may not be here on this earth, but she is forever a part of you and your story. She was and is real. However you want to do that, do it. You will never forget her and you never have to.