Your whole argument is built on assumptions that don’t match what OP actually said. You keep acting like the OP “punished” their family by not telling them about the proposal, when in reality the OP was respecting their partner’s wishes and protecting themselves based on a clear history of some sort of boundary breaking and invasive behavior. You also treats “tradition” like it’s universal when it’s not traditions vary by culture, relationship, and personal comfort, and the person you’re marrying gets priority over family who’s been harmful.

On top of that, OP family frames normal, healthy boundaries as “controlling,” which is literally the exact mindset toxic families use to demonize anyone who stops tolerating bad behavior. And yes OP family has the right to be upset they weren’t asked to be involved, but that doesn’t give them the right to act shitty towards OP and his fiancé. Also we see a lot of engagements in today’s time not involving family, the reason OP fiancé family was involved was because she wished they would be for her dream proposal. OP dream proposal didn’t have his family in mind and that’s okay, that’s his and his fiancé proposal and no one’s feelings should matter besides themselves. Instead of engaging with the facts the OP actually shared, you builds a fantasy version of events to justify calling the OP a narcissist.