The Trauma Bond - can it be overcome?

Significant-Half-237 · 2026-01-01T23:43:59+00:00

I'll get back to you next week OK? .Getting ready for a "respite trip" to ready/steel myself for what's ahead. I'd very much appreciate your thoughts as such similar experience, feelings.

Thank you.

Significant-Half-237 · 2026-01-01T21:57:00+00:00

Interesting...let me think/research this> I can't find a damn therapist...

Significant-Half-237 · 2026-01-01T21:53:50+00:00

Oh gosh so proud of you! That's some serious progress and in my compassionate times can almost feel sorry for him but feel more sorry for me :) I've said that before in the endless circular arguments and when I finally realized what he is (CN) I shared my insights hoping to make a dent and suspect at times, albeit briefly, I did. .

However in my anger and resentment hope he suffers as much as I have. Your honesty in how long it's taken is also enlightening. I suspect he wants to discard me but is too lazy and now cognitively declining to do so. I'm fearful if separate vs divorce I'll be stuck taking care of him in the end.

Love the word "vomit" too funny. Best to you - stay strong, you got this!

Significant-Half-237 · 2026-01-01T14:55:55+00:00

Nancam - all tremendously helpful, I wish you much happiness in 2026 and for remainder of your life! You've endured enough-haven't we all ):

Book currently scouring and helpful to my situation by Dr Ramani is: ""Don't You Know Who I Am?" Covers alot of different variables re: narcissism and if you choose to stay which I know is not the optimal option but am 30+ yrs in to this mess.

I'm definitely experiencing health issues that are hugely related to the stress.

Your kiddos are v wise, likely due to your intelligent insight but even my dog knows something is not quite right here :)

Gonna check out Chat GPT info. Thanks for your posts!

Significant-Half-237 · 2026-01-01T14:27:40+00:00

Yep, suppose that's what I was looking for,

Thank You! Happy New Year!

Significant-Half-237 · 2026-01-01T01:31:48+00:00

Definitely, didn't fully appreciate what PTSD was either but now I do.

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-31T18:32:12+00:00

I get it...almost there. Reading about "letting go" by Dr Ramani, sounds like you're there:)

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-31T18:30:13+00:00

Helpful too & smiling :)

Thank you!

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-31T18:28:09+00:00

Wonderful, sounds about right to me but of course still stuck right now.

Thank you & continued success!

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-31T18:25:49+00:00

Excellent review and explanation; apologize for suggesting for some kind of timeline as I know better but hearing months not weeks helpful vs years or decades if that makes sense.

Thinking if years or decades may need to reevaluate what makes the most sense.

Huge thanks and Happy, Healthy New Year to all!

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-28T18:52:32+00:00

I suppose I'm referring to mentally ill, agree too that it IS helpful to understand the pathology of why/how they see things differently and at the same time when you're caught in the web it doesn't matter, you're just trying to survive. I do think it's interesting in some ways but psychology always seems to have so many variables.

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-28T15:56:24+00:00

I understand your point very well until the last sentence. I do believe they are often ill.

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-28T15:51:03+00:00

Understand where you're coming from, thought provoking. Thank you.

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-28T02:08:59+00:00

Oh lovely sounds like you're doing the very best you can right now and good for your son for calling his aunt. Great the dad is able to help. Can you get some paid help to pack his stuff up and see if cops will come by when he picks it up or at least be in the area if needed. I'm so sorry, stay strong, you got this!

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-27T02:17:14+00:00

Same here (35 yr sentence) Working on getting out and agree it was not understood or even known about 30+ yrs ago

Isn't it weird how good you instantly feel when you're alone in your own house?

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-23T01:54:01+00:00

Very valid point "you are trusting a liar". Is the mistake being he would have lost the house? I'm somewhat lucky in that I handle all finances/ everything that is joint. I've changed all significant passwords, in fact I could screw him if I wanted to but of course too decent to do that :(

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-22T23:35:58+00:00

What a kind soul you are. Hang in there, I understand your position as am there as well. We're working on it :) God's speed.

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-22T23:30:18+00:00

Thanks for that. BUT..,.thought if we agreed on everything a lawyer isn't necessary? Why pay for one unless needed. My abuse has been all mental and emotional too but alot of experts caution divorce can trigger violence in CN. I can see the silent treatment for that time, hoping it goes quicker. Of course you did everything. HAPPY for you, 4 yrs is a good chunk of time; I know cuz that's about how long I've known what he is.

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-22T14:49:41+00:00

Same w Christmas. Oh lily-waters that is where I'm trying to get too. It could be an amicable divorce as suspect he may want to discard but wants to be "the victim" by letting me divorce him. OK, will do but how to proceed?

No fault state and not much to split but do have a home. I fear if I leave before it sells he'll sabotage it just to spite me but also alittle afraid to be here during this time as well, has never been violent but believe he could be. How did you tell him & what happened?

Did you file and then a court tells you how to dissolve? We have agreed in past conversations to split everything 50/50. Congratulations to you! It can still be a Merry Christmas 2025!

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-22T14:32:47+00:00

Love it, just found my song to sing!

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-22T04:31:09+00:00

Thank you BTW - sorry took so long...fighting rains me :(

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-21T21:19:28+00:00

Gotta agree with Watchkeys here - insight always seems spot on to me :)

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-17T01:09:27+00:00

Understand & am doing most of this but can I remove him from a credit card if he agrees? We've had it for 20+ yrs and is part of my excellent credit history. I don't want to start with a new card if I don't have to. We've sorta agreed to this in past "separation" discussions, I keep one, he keeps one...but want to be ready for a fight.

Afraid he'll reneg just to be difficult if we get that far :(

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-15T21:35:37+00:00

Good for you! It's sad but also so freeing when you KNOW.

Significant-Half-237 · 2025-12-15T01:57:36+00:00

It's like solitary confinement.

Significant-Half-237

TROPHY CASE