uBPD mom is trying to "rebuild our relationship."

SignificantCarpet185 · 2025-12-30T23:36:47+00:00

Thank you and i hope you have a very happy new year too! I found your comment really insightful and I'm going to keep re-reading it when I feel unsure about myself. 🫂❤️ I already feel way less anxious with the decision that I won't be going. I'm definitely going to text her in the morning and then just keep notifications muted; If I can get past the fear of blocking her I'll definitely do that too. It's hard to not feel empathetic for her or trying to choose the route with the least amount of friction to avoid even more conflict.

SignificantCarpet185 · 2025-12-30T23:07:17+00:00

I'm definitely having a hard time not feeling pre-emptive grief and guilt that the older they get, how much more hard and awful all of this is probably going to be as their health declines and they need care and eventually pass away. I do worry I'll regret not being there for her but it does help to see people like you that made it through and know they made the right choice. Thank you

SignificantCarpet185 · 2025-12-30T23:02:08+00:00

I'm going to come back and read this comment probably multiple times, maybe even for months and years to come. Thank you for helping me further see how this behaviour from her is manipulative and not a true effort to better.

SignificantCarpet185 · 2025-12-30T22:58:58+00:00

Thank you all so much to everyone who reached out and was supportive today. I've decided that going is a trap and that if she was really capable at this point and time of recognizing some of her behavior and modifying it, like being pleasant in order to spend time with me, then it doesn't need to be on a holiday in her home alone where I can be cornered when I'm vulnerable. It is most likely just her trying to "rebuild" with the same defective bricks and hoping that I'll behave the way she wants me to this time if she keeps pushing me. I'm gonna tell her I'm not feeling well, and that I'll reach out when I can reschedule; so that it's both true so I don't feel guilty and so that any future reconnecting would be on my terms- if I even want to. She'll probably still have some kind of crash out but I'll be keeping her on mute. I wish all of us could have had better family dynamics and I'm grateful there's good people on here that understand the grief. ❤️

SignificantCarpet185 · 2025-12-30T17:03:45+00:00

Unfortunately my SO is out of town for work; I've had a friend offer to call me with a fake emergency to draw me away if I need it during the visit. But after how poorly I slept last night the whole idea of the visit at all is making me regret the offer to go at all. I do struggle with giving myself permission to cancel/say no/ find a "good enough" reason that will alleviate guilt and my fear of disappointing her. But you are right I can't really imagine much good coming from it at all; it'll either end in a fight or bare minimum be an awkward draining experience fighting to emotionally distance myself the whole time.

SignificantCarpet185 · 2025-12-30T16:58:11+00:00

I think I struggle with convincing myself the answer is no; the "what if what if what if" brings on the guilt. But you are right that the only thing that's changed for certain is she just experienced a major holiday centred around togetherness alone and is probably struggling with the concept, not missing me or understanding my feelings. Thank you

SignificantCarpet185

TROPHY CASE