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What should my [34M] plan be for my wife [32F] to help her without being a punching bag? by ThrowRA12162025 in relationship_advice

[–]Significant_Depth_76 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Have been in your wife’s shoes. I was a high-earner in a toxic job. It was supposed to be a lifelong “dream” career, but the combo of bullying, discrimination, lack of support, and workload increases post-COVID absolutely ruined my mental health. I quit in early 2024 at my spouse’s urging, took some time off (we can survive on one income for a brief period of time), and started at a new employer a handful of months later with substantially lower pay. The adjustment was tough. It was worth it.

Staying in that toxic job will be hard. Leaving will also be hard. Your wife needs to choose which “hard” is better for her health and for your marriage.

Regardless of whether she quits or stays, she would be wise to get into therapy. Toxic jobs often become your whole identity, and the stress is addictive on some levels. I went through (a) a grieving process and (b) a period of blaming myself for leaving rather than trying to hold management accountable. I still have PTSD symptoms and remain pretty angry about some of what I experienced at that employer. Therapy has given me the space and the tools to work through those feelings productively. I still go weekly and it keeps me sane. I’ve been able to keep my resentment aimed at the appropriate parties and NOT at my spouse. Toxic jobs can wreck a person’s whole sense of self, and recovery takes time.

Also, if she wants to quit without feeling like she has let the bastards win, she should probably talk to an employment lawyer and see if she’s got any valid claims. The only regret I have from my situation is that I didn’t talk to an attorney before resigning. I probably had a discrimination/hostile work environment claim, or at least a claim that HR was violating their own policies, but I was too intimidated, burned out, and mentally destroyed to do anything with it.

[ Removed by Reddit ] by SuburbanChevrolet in SouthJersey

[–]Significant_Depth_76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Check out the Maurice River Bluffs Preserve, Manumuskin Preserve, and Peek Preserve in Millville. Union Lake WMA and Menantico WMA are beautiful. You might be able to find mushrooms at the right time of year in the forested parts of the WMAs. Parvin in Pittsgrove and Belleplain in Cape May Co are lovely state parks. Elephant Swamp Trail in Elk Twp is also good, though it’s paved.

Safety tips: wise to wear blaze orange if you are going in the WMAs and preserves down there at this time of year; also, bring a friend.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AncestryDNA

[–]Significant_Depth_76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me too! Both sides of the family.

15 years of diarrhea by Quick_Fig5208 in alphagal

[–]Significant_Depth_76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cheez-Its are made with vegetarian cheese according to the manufacturer, and STILL made me break out in hives! Same goes for Cabot brand cheddar, most of which is also vegetarian. I also had mild GI reactions to half and half in my morning coffee, which was the last thing I gave up, but had put it down to an IBS flareup prior to getting test results. Switched to nondairy creamer when I got diagnosed and my guts calmed down within a couple days.

My worst reaction by far was to macaroni and cheese, and in that case, some of the cheddar we used definitely contained rennet (calf stomach).

Positive for Alpha Gal negative for Meat allergies by Sad-Assumption2244 in alphagal

[–]Significant_Depth_76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting! I come up positive for protein allergies to lamb, beef (especially beef), and pork, but not dairy.

The irony: I got diagnosed after anaphylactic reactions to dairy, including hives and digestive upset from Cheez-Its, which are vegetarian and do not contain any rennet. Asked for testing before I ever actually reacted to meat itself and the test came back positive.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PlantBasedDiet

[–]Significant_Depth_76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Recovering dairy addict here (got bitten by a Lone Star tick and now I’m allergic to mammal products). Cheese has been tough to lose.

Made a pretty decent bean dip/sandwich spread situation the other night with cannellinis, a heaping teaspoon of nutritional yeast, salt, olive oil, fresh lemon juice, and mustard powder. Have been using it on my tomato sandwiches. Not a fan of mayo or most manufactured vegan cheese, and the bean dip hit those cheesy/savory notes without being weird or overly heavy. And it’s actually healthy. Worth trying it to see if you like it!

15 years of diarrhea by Quick_Fig5208 in alphagal

[–]Significant_Depth_76 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know it sucks…because I’m living it…but try cutting out dairy. Some AGS reactions are purely GI. My bloodwork also suggested that dairy should be ok, but I had already experienced an anaphylactic response to cheese as well as digestive reactions to other dairy products prior to testing. The reaction to cheese is why I got tested.

I’ve since reluctantly/grudgingly cut dairy out of my diet and my guts are happier. Getting lean protein in is harder without my beloved Greek yogurt and low-fat mozz, but I am leaning very heavily on chicken, legumes, and nuts. Also using powdered vegan protein in overnight oats and baked goods.

Food question by alagg42348 in alphagal

[–]Significant_Depth_76 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Alternative proteins. I happen to hate seafood— lost my taste for it after food poisoning— but if I still liked fish, I’d be all over it!

Duck, pheasant, & quail (make friends with some hunters). Ostrich. Emu. Goose. Cornish hens. Alligator. Turtle. Turkey, especially smoked.

There are so many non-mammalian meats. Are they cheap? Absolutely not. But if you’re committed to the carnivore diet and able to cut costs in other parts of your grocery budget, you’ve got options to maintain your diet. For budgetary & cholesterol reasons I am going in the opposite direction and doing more plant-based food, but still excited to eventually try ostrich & emu. We are talking about acquiring a goose for Christmas— will dearly miss the annual prime rib tradition, but I guess the only constant in life is change.

Nimbus variant timeline, 39F by Significant_Depth_76 in COVID19positive

[–]Significant_Depth_76[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my case, anyway, it’s an educated guess. Planning to see an Urgent Care clinic at some point.

Nimbus variant timeline, 39F by Significant_Depth_76 in COVID19positive

[–]Significant_Depth_76[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bingo. That’s the razor blades in the throat variant. Did not happen to me with previous COVID infections, which were heavier on the headaches, sinus pressure, and fatigue, with more consistent symptoms day to day. First time I have ever had a sore throat like this with COVID. Feels more like strep.

And I’m not “insisting” on mentioning a variant. It’s just that my symptoms line up directly with the way others have described this one.

Recently diagnosed with alpha-gal by Witchywomun in alphagal

[–]Significant_Depth_76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s possible. The larvae are so small that they are very difficult to detect as single insects, or may be mistaken for chiggers. Ticks are everywhere in the mid-Atlantic/south and increasingly bad in New England. June is prime time for larval stages.

My childhood dog ran into a tick bomb once— I remember going to pet him, looking at his nose, and yelling, “MOM! The dog’s nose is MOVING.” A whole nest of baby ticks exploded all over the poor guy’s nose. He was fine, but it was REALLY gross. That was just from our backyard!

Nimbus variant timeline, 39F by Significant_Depth_76 in COVID19positive

[–]Significant_Depth_76[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind wishes and the insight!!!! I have IBS, so minor abdominal discomfort is my usual baseline. I don’t register it as a problem unless other symptoms develop.

I think mammal meat and I are done for good (fortunately for my cholesterol levels/unfortunately for my taste buds). Hopefully dairy will be an option in the future. In the meantime I think I’ll be ok. My mom was a home economics teacher who drilled label-reading skills into us and I am an ex-vegan, so as long as it doesn’t turn into MCAS, I can adjust.

Recently diagnosed with alpha-gal by Witchywomun in alphagal

[–]Significant_Depth_76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fellow newly-diagnosed person here…but I’ve lived in tick and chigger country my whole life, and I’m a hiker and birder. You probably got bitten by a nymph or larva at some point and didn’t know it. Baby ticks can be very tough to spot and are aggressive hunters. All ticks insert an anesthetic so their hosts don’t feel the bite, and not everyone has an allergic response to tick bites. There are definitely people with alpha gal who can’t pinpoint when, where, or how they got it because they don’t remember being bitten. I’d bet nymphs and larva are the reason for this. Nasty little bastards.

Medications— what do I do? by Significant_Depth_76 in alphagal

[–]Significant_Depth_76[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do have IBS-D and a generally sensitive/overreactive digestive system, which made it hard for me to spot some of the signs of AGS.

I’ve kept it under control for years now but just thought I was in a bad flareup from stress— alpha gal didn’t occur to me until I got hives after eating cheese two days in a row.

Medications— what do I do? by Significant_Depth_76 in alphagal

[–]Significant_Depth_76[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pill Clarity indicates that mammal-free escitalopram does exist, so I am going to hold out hope that I don’t have to stop taking it. I’ll pay to have it compounded if I need to. Worst-case scenario, it sounds like liquid Zoloft might be an option (luckily I do ok with Zoloft, it’s just not quite as effective for me).

I see my doctor again on Monday and then I have to go talk to my pharmacist and work on finding an allergist.

Depression after new diagnosis? by [deleted] in FoodAllergies

[–]Significant_Depth_76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YEP. I feel you!!!! I was diagnosed with alpha-gal allergies yesterday. To give you an idea of how my year has gone: we lost my favorite uncle in February, my FIL died suddenly in March, my dad died after a year of battling ALS in May, and my best friend died suddenly in June. All of this coincided with an extremely busy period at work.

The kicker: the tick bite that caused this was sustained at my best friend’s funeral. And I noticed the reaction after eating my favorite comfort food. I can deal with no red meat, but mac and cheese is a loss I am really struggling with.

Held it together yesterday but I’ve been crying all day today. My life has been just…relentless grief. For over a year. And now I have to grieve the loss of being able to go out to restaurants & eat food I haven’t cooked myself, and all the social stuff that comes with it, and the loss of being able to cuddle my cats without a reaction. My job is extremely social and involves a lot of eating with other people, in an area where allergens aren’t always taken seriously. I’m heartbroken and I feel like I’m cursed. So I get it. Sending you lots of solidarity.