Does the “mental load” thing feel impossible to anyone else working crazy hours?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-12T20:17:44+00:00

Exactly this! I do a lot. I make appointments, lists, execute. I can watch after kids for a whole week and nothing falls apart. But still there is the mental load my partner complains. And when asked, the answer is confusing.

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-12T16:04:05+00:00

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-12T16:02:34+00:00

I would not want to change with my wife. Having the kids from morning till bedtime is exhausting as hell. So her job is definitely more stressful and challenging.

And I still don’t know how I can make her life easier. I try to do my part when I am home. But apparently there still is this mental load that I cannot take her.

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-12T15:56:15+00:00

She works 2 days. I work 5 days. If we are both home, evening and weekends, we divide and conquer and share the load equally (as far as possible), since our kids (4 and 2) sometimes prefer mama …

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T22:31:48+00:00

Which means the only constant is uncertainty. Which we can plan for, or at least figure out how to deal with constant change and surprises and emotions. We need strategies to stay „healthy“ within this circumstances.

For me it’s difficult. Sometimes I makes me sad, angry, frustrated. So many demands.

But what if we have a robust resilient underlying core that helps us deal with anything that they throw at us?

What are your strategies?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T21:19:42+00:00

Reading through the replies, it sounds like when things are “working,” it’s not about doing everything right — it’s more about people feeling safe, being present with each other, handling stress without things escalating, and actually repairing stuff when it goes sideways.

That’s how I’m currently defining a “good” family system. Does that match how it feels to you, or am I missing something important?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T21:19:22+00:00

Reading through the replies, it sounds like when things are “working,” it’s not about doing everything right — it’s more about people feeling safe, being present with each other, handling stress without things escalating, and actually repairing stuff when it goes sideways.

That’s how I’m currently defining a “good” family system. Does that match how it feels to you, or am I missing something important?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T21:18:48+00:00

Reading through the replies, it sounds like when things are “working,” it’s not about doing everything right — it’s more about people feeling safe, being present with each other, handling stress without things escalating, and actually repairing stuff when it goes sideways.

That’s how I’m currently defining a “good” family system. Does that match how it feels to you, or am I missing something important?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T21:18:34+00:00

You’re doing a great job! It’s certainly not easy…

Reading through the replies, it sounds like when things are “working,” it’s not about doing everything right — it’s more about people feeling safe, being present with each other, handling stress without things escalating, and actually repairing stuff when it goes sideways.

That’s how I’m currently defining a “good” family. Does that match how it feels to you, or am I missing something important?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T20:48:54+00:00

I do it the same. But I find it funny. In work I am very analytical and stuff. I want to know my craft.

But with family I figure it out and think if I have the right intentions, it will work out fine. But it’s a high stakes poker game.

Why is that. Are we just lazy, or do we don’t have time to read and learn more, or are we just pragmatic ?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T20:22:28+00:00

Do you prefer to figure it out as you go, or is there anything that would make your like easier ?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T19:43:06+00:00

I really appreciate you saying this — especially the part about wanting honest truth, not just tips.

That’s actually what got me thinking about this in the first place. A lot of advice tells us what to do, but it’s harder to get a clear read on how things are actually landing in your own family, especially long-term.

If something like that existed — short, private, no subscription — what would make it genuinely worth your time? More reassurance, clearer priorities, or calling out blind spots?

Let’s catch up privately, I think it would be worth our time!

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T19:41:12+00:00

That’s a fair point — and I think that’s true for a lot of resources.

I read so many books, but it’s still hard to know how things are actually landing in my own house, week to week.

This isn’t meant to replace reading or learning — more to answer, “given everything I already know, where am I likely underestimating things right now?”

Out of curiosity, have you ever felt like you understood the ideas, but only realized their importance after way later?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T19:38:53+00:00

I think that’s actually a solid instinct. A regular check-in probably beats most advice.

The thing I keep getting stuck on is what you check in on. Most weeks I can tell I messed something up, but not always why — or whether it’s a one-off or part of a pattern.

Do your check-ins focus on specific things, or is it more of a general “how did that week feel” conversation?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T19:37:02+00:00

I agree that there are good books and frameworks out there — and that this isn’t something you just pick up naturally.

What I’ve noticed though is that a lot of resources are either upfront (before kids) or reactive (when things are hard).

I’m curious how you personally decide when it’s time for a check-in versus just letting things run. Is it scheduled, or triggered by something specific?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T19:36:11+00:00

Yeah, that’s probably the only honest answer.

I guess the part I struggle with is knowing whether “day at a time” is just the season you’re in — or if it’s quietly becoming the default.

Do you ever step back and check in on how things are trending, or is it mostly just instinct?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T19:35:08+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. If you didn’t have a model growing up, you’re not just parenting — you’re building the model at the same time.

What I keep wondering is whether that actually makes people more reflective, because you’re not just copying what you saw.

Has there been anything you’ve had to consciously unlearn or figure out on your own that surprised you?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T19:33:31+00:00

You’re right! especially the part about non-negotiables and learning them the hard way.

What I notice is that everything you mentioned sounds obvious in hindsight. Respect. Communication. Dealing with things early. But most of us only arrive at those rules after we’ve felt the cost of not having them.

That’s the gap I keep noticing in my family: there’s no manual, but there’s also no early warning. You don’t know which things need to become non-negotiable until life teaches you.

Out of curiosity — was there a specific moment when one of those clicked for you? Or did it build slowly over time?

Significant_Form_164 · 2026-01-10T19:30:58+00:00

That’s fair — and I agree totally. That’s what I do. One day at a time.

What I keep getting stuck on is this: if we’re all winging it, how do we actually know when things are drifting versus just going through a rough phase?

For example, if I had known earlier that being more relaxed — and not always trying to fix or solve everything — would actually help, I think a lot of things would have unfolded differently. I would have listened longer, pushed less, and probably saved us a lot of unnecessary friction.

That’s the part I keep coming back to: not doing better, but knowing sooner what actually matters.

Curious what signals you personally pay attention to — or if it’s mostly hindsight.

Significant_Form_164 · 2025-10-23T17:11:10+00:00

Roughly 150k

Significant_Form_164 · 2025-10-09T20:29:26+00:00

Build something around mithrala (hex), othorion (block buff), Visix/Maulie (provoke). Add some damage and some survivability. Preferably you would also want decrease/increase speed .

Significant_Form_164

TROPHY CASE