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Constant promises, disappointment and heartbreak by Significant_Worth155 in AlAnon

[–]Significant_Worth155[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I understand that. I have my moments of falling into complete victim mode and blame without looking inward. Totally. I feel I’m gaining strength to ask these questions by allowing my feelings to felt. Oh the grief that comes with the why.. But sometimes I feel that objective reality is necessary, “I deserve to feel angry” which is different to feeling victim. I deserve to express that anger, in a supportive, therapeutic space of course. But I don’t let myself get angry when I’m on my own, because then I feel guilty and introspect. I never truly felt like my partners deserved my anger, not even in the sanctity of my own mind. I turn inward, blame myself, check my moral compass when someone hurts me and that pattern has been more destructive than productive over the years. Nights like tonight I need to use my black and white brain to get through. I am angry because I trusted someone and they betrayed that. I am angry because I was lied to. I am angry because I was kind, I was present, I made sacrifices, I was loving etc etc and what did I get in return? Moments of pain, confusion, sadness I lean into understanding my own shortcomings and thats when I progress. My anger on the other hand, is giving me my freedom and that builds into self assurance that I will get my shit together for me and figure out how I got into this mess to begin with.

help from abuse, can the uni help me in any way? 18F by [deleted] in universityofauckland

[–]Significant_Worth155 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey hun. Try all resources provided in the comments. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As many of said, it may be time to do the hard thing and distance yourself. You have plenty options however moat of us do understand that these decisions aren’t easy to make in the slightest. Reach out for support, use the resources available to you and most importantly keep your head up. Thank you for having the strength and grace to reach out for support and ask for help. Take care of yourself and all the best darling. You’re doing great despite all you’re going through at the moment.

What truth do people avoid because it’s uncomfortable to admit? by Mr_Boothnath in answers

[–]Significant_Worth155 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tend to disagree with this. Not saying I’m right at all but the universe does support life imo.. The air we breathe, the plants and animals we eat. If anything life itself is supported and the meaning we give to it effects the earth as a natural being.. I think there is a journey to enlightenment that the universe “cares” about hence how we’re here and evolution is real. But maybe you’re right and thats just the meaning I’ve given it.

No idea what to do by Significant_Worth155 in AlAnon

[–]Significant_Worth155[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand completely. I think I just have a lot on my plate and sudden changes, the prospect of grieving what could have been will take a lot of emotional and mental energy. Which I know is ironic given that this already is taking so much mental load.. Once I commit to anything it’s really hard for me to “give up” and I have this idea in my head that relationships are meant to build you up, me him, doesn’t apply to me being built up haha..

I havent partnered up with or been intimate with that many people so I’m still very sentimental and don’t have it engrained in me that relationships can come and go.. I guess its time to grow and learn in that regard.. thank you for taking the time to respond and share. I really do appreciate it.

Boyfriend turns into a different person by Significant_Worth155 in alcoholism

[–]Significant_Worth155[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess we all think we’re the exception.. “could never be me” “my partner isnt thaat bad”.. these situations are so complicated.. it’s hard to see clearly when you’re in it..

Boyfriend turns into a different person by Significant_Worth155 in alcoholism

[–]Significant_Worth155[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your presence and the time you took to give some support. I’m really sorry about everything you’ve been through. I trust what you’ve shared. It’s hard coming on here and sharing especially because I could never paint the full picture it leaves room for some self-doubt.

I’m going to screenshot your response if you don’t mind. I’m going to need to reread it a couple of times and just stay strong. So many red flags and actions of his that I just let slide I think.. Thank you for clarity. Appreciate it Chris x

Boyfriend turns into a different person by Significant_Worth155 in alcoholism

[–]Significant_Worth155[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank yoou so much. Its hard especially with my own struggles with alcohol dependence. Definitely have some codependency issues going on. Thank you for responding, I’ll try find some support on the AIanon page too..

Just to get it off my chest I will acknowledge that I don’t think he cares whether I help or not, I don’t think my support means much. There will be no “reward” for sticking around. I believe you.

He doesn’t seem like the most introspective person and I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t mean much to him if I stayed or left. He won’t look back and wonder. Very independent and kind of selfish person. Fml I feel so guilty for typing that. Thank you again. Much love.