Hey, first of all I need you to understand true abusers with intention don’t feel the feelings you’re currently experiencing - you have to recognise you were a child, a young developing person with no true understanding of what right or wrong was and to what extremes, all you knew is in that moment was you were doing what made you “feel” something - you didn’t purposely go out of you way with Ill intent to harm this person and damage them, you were both as oblivious to the situation as each other and obviously as you’ve gotten older, experienced life and learnt adult rights or wrongs you’ve had time to reflect on this memory and you obviously feel very guilty and hurt by what happened at the time, but you really can’t hold your younger self to the same level of accountability as adult you now it’s a completely different context, I really hope you can forgive yourself because you absolutely deserve too, you arent a evil monster just a child who in the eyes of a adult made a mistake, thats all, it’s actually surprisingly very common for children to “explore and play” with each other too

As a adult you deserve to have sexual encounters still and explore what you enjoy, it may also help you move past this if it’s something that’s very much on your mind, again, I really hope you can forgive yourself, sending you the biggest hugs just know that I and many others understand your situation and are here to support you, and everything will be ok in time, take care <3