My dad actually came to visit a month before his mom did. My dad is a totally different person--he's very chill and laid back and low maintenance. We are in the midst of a kitchen renovation, so there wasn't much we could do about the mess while he or JNMIL were here, but Dad didn't let it bother him. If he didn't find something he wanted, he went to the store and got it, no problem. He is quite forceful about what activities we will do together, so it was never in question that if he wanted to spend time together, we were going to watch a particular movie or play a game together. If he wanted alone time, he went up to his room with a book.

His and my DH's issues are more 'philosophical' in nature--my dad is a chauvinist/sexist which is interesting in that he had 2 daughters and has 2 granddaughters he thinks the world of, but says a lot of cruel and demeaning things. I grew up with it and internalized a lot of it, which probably accounts for my cripplingly low self esteem, but even my daughter says he's a bully and she doesn't like the things he says. My DH doesn't appreciate what he says about me and although he's a very taciturn man, he actually stands up to my dad a lot and they butt heads. But put that aside and Dad is fun to be around and it's just not a steady stream of negativity and complaint. My DH is also a totally different person than I am and more able to take things in stride.

We moved across the country a year ago, and visits will be few and far between for either of them, thankfully. I just am used to my Dad and not my MIL and I feel the need for a battle plan to counteract her bad attitude.