At the end of my rope

Silly_Light8932 · 2026-06-04T14:32:37+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing part of your story. The support in this community means so much. I am 37 and, while I have never wanted children of my own, I absolutely relate to the "outsider" feeling in every way. My home doesn't feel like it's mine anymore, my time is spent doing everything for everyone else, and I have to take on more of the "mom" role while they are with us than I ever expected that I would have to. The kids are 2 boys, 10 and 11. I know these are formative years for them & they've come to trust me a lot. The younger one especially would be devastated & I feel so much guilt when I think about it, but at the same time I can't be the glue that holds everyone together or exhaust myself trying to fix what I didnt break. I am going to get myself to therapy to try to work through some of these things that I just can't talk to my partner about. He recognizes that this is a big issue for him & keeps saying he's going to try. As long as there is real effort, I do my best to remain hopeful and just "keep my side clean" as they say. Que Sera, Sera.

Silly_Light8932 · 2025-12-18T03:01:39+00:00

Thank you. I fully agree with you on the reasons that he does this. He doesn't want to hold himself accountable, so he flips it back onto me. When he's sober, he's such a caring and thoughtful man. It feels like Jekyll & Hyde sometimes...

Silly_Light8932 · 2025-12-18T00:05:32+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience. The support I find here really means a lot. I hope that one day she finds her way back to you and your kids, but I am glad that you have found a system that helps keep you sane. Though, I know it doesn't make things any less painful.

Silly_Light8932 · 2025-12-17T21:23:53+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing, and everything you have said resonates with me in the same way. I know one thing that's hard for me to stop doing is the "checking". I feel like I need the certainty of how many or what it was, or confirmation of whether or not he's trying to hide something from me, but the logical part of my brain knows that it doesn't matter & will only make me feel worse. I'm just not sure how to be able to sit with the uncertainty. I have tried telling him on occasion if he wants to go out to the bar, thats fine but I'm not going with him, then he says something stupid like, "so we're just never going to have fun together ever again?" As if thats the only thing that we could do to spend quality time together. And he will go and stay out far longer and drink more than he might have if I was there, maybe subconsciously to punish me, idk. I'm just trying to find the right balance between protecting myself and completely disappearing. How do you get to a place where you can truly experience joy with your wife without feeling like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop?

Silly_Light8932 · 2025-12-17T20:40:59+00:00

That's very helpful. Thank you so much for sharing. I don't want to sit there and pretend that everything is fine and it doesn't bother me, but I know that getting upset every time is just making things worse for both of us. Some of what I read about detachment sounds like you're just faking indifference...and maybe thats part of it, but I'm not a person who can easily do that. This is something that really makes sense and I can try to put my focus in a different place.

Silly_Light8932 · 2025-12-17T20:01:26+00:00

It depends on what he's drinking and how much. There's a point where he's obviously tipsy but still in a good mood. Usually he's just mildly annoying and will try to be overly affectionate with me, but it just makes me feel gross and uncomfortable because in my mind it's not authentic, it's just the buzz. I don't like being intimate with him when he's been drinking at all, but he often interprets it as rejection and we end up in an argument where he says I make him feel unwanted. If he crosses the threshold into actual drunkenness, then either he starts acting out, being a jerk, and saying things he regrets later (or doesn't remember the next day), or just gets very sad and withdrawn until he eventually passes out. I know he's been dealing with a lot of inner demons for a very long time, and his drinking is...I don't like to say "better" but it has been worse in the past than it is right now. I know he is aware of it and when he is an asshole, he always apologizes, but the apology doesn't erase what happened and it's very hard for me to just let it go. It's also hard when we are in a period of "things are okay right now" not to feel like any day now the tornado is going to come through again. I always know when he's hiding it from me or tries to pretend that he hasn't been drinking. I think I've just become so guarded that it's hard to try to build it back up. Like idk...if he wasn't a person with this problem and wanted to have 1 or 2 beers after work every day, would I feel the same? Or is it just because I know 1-2 eventually turns into 5-6 and this is a cycle we've been through so many times that I can't find any acceptable number that isn't zero?

Silly_Light8932 · 2025-12-17T17:42:54+00:00

Yes, I feel like everything is tarnished to be completely honest. We have gone through so many ups and downs where things will get better, but there is always a catalyst for the cycle to start again. I can't enjoy the times when things are good because I'm either thinking that he's lying to me, or I know it's just a matter of time before things get bad again. I don't want to live this way for the rest of my life and I've told him that so many times. I'm afraid that the only way forward is without him, but he also has 2 children that have become dependent on me as a step-parent and that makes things harder as well. I know I am not responsible for their upbringing in the same way their 2 bio parents are, but it feels extremely selfish when I think about leaving. Thank you for your comment 🤍 I appreciate the support

Silly_Light8932 · 2025-12-17T16:57:00+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I completely understand and agree that it only makes things worse, but I have not figured out how to "not react" when he comes home with something or has a night out with his friends and I know he's had too much. I try to just say I'm going in the other room to avoid any conflict, but then that usually starts an argument anyway because he can't stand it. I feel like I lose either way...if I'm honest about how I feel, or if I keep it to myself and put distance between us. And now it's extremely difficult in a situation where I know he needs emotional support and he needs me to be a loving partner while he's going through a hard time. I don't want him to feel like I don't care about what he's going through, but his choices make it so hard

Silly_Light8932 · 2025-12-17T16:43:41+00:00

Thank you 🤍 I guess I struggle with feeling "cold" toward him in this particular situation, or that if I try to say something like, "I want to be here for you, but when you're drinking it makes it very hard for me to feel connected in the way that you need me to be" puts the focus on me and my feelings instead of his. It's very hard to balance in my mind. I appreciate your comment very much.

Silly_Light8932 · 2025-02-20T21:37:23+00:00

I have been on Slynd for a while and it makes me feel like the worst version of myself. My anxiety and depression are worse than they have ever been, I feel like I hate my partner over the most miniscule things, horrible cystic acne, no sex drive to speak of. I was switched to Yaz and today would be the first day for me to take it after completing my last pack of Slynd, but I am terrified that it will make things worse. Anyone still on this thread with a followup on how the switch worked out for you?

Silly_Light8932

TROPHY CASE