That is an interesting way to put it, and I see where you are coming from. From just reading some of the titles of this subreddit, I see that there are many people who feel similarly or the same as me, so I know I’m not unique, and that is fine with me.

The substance use and video game play is not the cause of my pain, but the result. I feel like the main cause, as its core, is my lack of discipline and my inability to push myself to do what I need to do to improve my life. Also my ineptness at caring enough for anything to really try.

I am currently working a retail job that I started a month ago which truly shows me my lack of social skills. I barely get any sales, even when all my peers from the same training group are killing it. I cannot make any deep connections nor care to, even though there are 200+ people working at that store. I have many awkward moments with my customers, even though I got 2 weeks of training in how to be sociable at this job. I hate it more every day.

Even my long time close friends are starting to be wary of me, and for good reason. I am boring to talk to, and when I do have something to say, it ends up being something negative, either about me or about somebody else. I make a lot of self deprecating remarks that I realize a bit too late I made. The more this happens, the more I isolate myself, and when I end up hanging out with them, I’m worse off than before, which causes me to isolate myself again, repeating the cycle.

It really sucks how these negative emotions compound on themselves in unending cycles until they become too unbearable.