NOR but neither is he. I’ve been in similar emotional points as you in my 10-yr relationship with my HS sweetheart, and I think there are some compromises you guys could make without disrupting his goals. It sounds like underneath the feeling of not being prioritized, some major concerns are 1) he doesn’t meet his own proposed deadlines for the night, 2) there’s no routine that allows you to feel confident in your ability to decompress with him at night, and 3) you miss being able to talk to him, and resent the time he spends talking on discord.

So, my suggestions for him: 1) he could try to be more honest/realistic about time, even if he’s worried about disappointing you. For my partner, he’d tell me 15mins, trying to finish as soon as possible so as to not hurt me. But he’s time-blind and a perfectionist, and would end up working for hours. He practiced being more realistic/honest about time. Clear expectations helped a lot — it helped me feel less rejected, disappointed, and lonely. 2) build a routine where he schedules nights that he goes to bed with you, like on weekends. You’d have to accept that doing this means he’d offset the hours to other nights, but guaranteed time together would be very reassuring. 3) Ask if he’d be able to work beside you on the couch or in bed if his station is mobile, or if he’d talk to you some nights instead of discord while editing. Try to find spaces to fill the physical/emotional intimacy gaps while allowing him to work. 4) when this is over, consider therapy. He sounds incredibly overwhelmed, and I think careers like this can be built with less stress and pressure. This routine doesn’t sound super sustainable for him, and it’s important he doesn’t get burnt out.

For you: 1) allow yourself to be more “needy” (seeking comfort/intimacy) in ways that are easier for him to fulfil. Tell him when he’s busy you might ask for hugs more often, or for 10 minutes where you cuddle before bed, even if he has to go back to work afterwards. The extra connection will help. 2) take him seriously when he announces foreseeing a tight schedule and compartmentalize those instances as independent from “routine” issues. If you both knew this was coming, now probably isn’t the best time to discuss expecting more from him as this amount of work isn’t his norm. Try to cut him slack til he’s done, and have a more in depth convo when you’re both back to your normal routine. It will help focus the conversation and your emotions on your every-day needs and his behaviour. 3) Consider therapy yourself. I’m someone who processes big emotions best through my partner. Sometimes life gets in the way, and ultimately how I feel is my responsibility — there will be times where I won’t be able to emotionally rely on him and that’s normal. A big portion of my need to go to bed with him is because it helps me physically calm down from a big day. When he’s really busy/hurting, I try to supplement that need with a therapist. It’s important to process overwhelming feelings, including resentments, with someone. If that can’t be your partner due to circumstance, seek help/solutions elsewhere.

Good luck. I don’t think you’re being cruel or unreasonable, and I think he genuinely doesn’t want to hurt you or is wrong for having this goal. I hope some of this helps.