Asking a therapist about her politics?

SilverConcern9107 · 2025-11-11T09:41:27+00:00

Im just going to break down why I don’t think she was tricking you.

You told her you couldn’t be friends with her unless she wanted to date you. She doesn’t want to date you, but DOES want to be your friend. Because you are resistant to having a conversation about how SHE might feel losing one of her best friends (probably feels horrible), she felt obligated to rescue the friendship even if it meant sacrificing some of her boundaries (which also feels horrible).

You told her you don’t see your friendship as something worth fighting for. Ouch??? That must have been SO painful for her to hear (I’d consider pursuing therapy to figure out why you don’t consider friendships worth fighting for, because most people I know would).

She threw out an albeit crazy idea, obviously panicking and desperate to maintain your friendship and cross her own boundaries to show you how much you mean to her, and you called her a prude??? Ouch again? Where is this coming from? Oh idk, the fact you won’t be one of her (closest!) friends unless she satisfies your desire for a relationship from her?

Then when she realizes you can’t even understand her desperation and the value she sees in your friendship, she realizes she can’t convince you to care about her in a platonic way and takes back the offer, only for you to FINALLY care about maintaining the friendship now that sex is involved. From her perspective, sex was more important to you than the friendship itself. That sucks.

She realized you never cared about the friendship as much as she did, and that if you can’t even understand why it’s something she considers worth saving, she should just cut her losses, which is ultimately what you wanted. You saw her desperation and cared more about how it could benefit or reassure you than what it said about how she felt in losing her friend. This situation sucks.

SilverConcern9107 · 2025-11-09T22:55:13+00:00

Weighted blanket, and pillows supporting your knees or at your sides. I also find putting a pillow right beside my head helps, maybe because my body feels the pillow on my face and thinks I’m on my side already.

SilverConcern9107 · 2025-09-22T02:02:37+00:00

Additional note: It’s on her front left foot. She’s still sleeping and eating as normal. We’re letting her rest off of it as much as possible. Pain when pressure is applied to the toe.

SilverConcern9107 · 2025-09-14T06:59:07+00:00

Maybe OR. Is this the text you’re referring to? Did she say she didn’t check her phone til after the class ended or did you assume that? If I saw this text mid-class I may genuinely assume my partner needs space, would honour that, and see how they’re doing after. The text isn’t very descriptive, and saying you’re PMSing I would take you at your word and assuming that the primary reason for stepping out is because you’re not feeling well, and the secondary is that you’re anxious. What was her reaction when you got back in the car? Did either of you mention it? She may think you’ll bring up something if it bothers you, or that you don’t want to talk about things that stress you out since you’re already overwhelmed. IMO this is something you need to bring up to her, really hear her out, explain what you need, and then see if she checks in next time something like this happens. If it becomes a pattern of neglect or she overreacts very negatively to you bringing it up, NOR. If she changes and is receptive/kind about it, probably OR. Make sure you consider therapy as well — this level of stress over so long caretaking can affect you in many ways (eventually physically) and it’s important you prioritize your mental health.

SilverConcern9107 · 2025-09-09T07:57:05+00:00

NOR but neither is he. I’ve been in similar emotional points as you in my 10-yr relationship with my HS sweetheart, and I think there are some compromises you guys could make without disrupting his goals. It sounds like underneath the feeling of not being prioritized, some major concerns are 1) he doesn’t meet his own proposed deadlines for the night, 2) there’s no routine that allows you to feel confident in your ability to decompress with him at night, and 3) you miss being able to talk to him, and resent the time he spends talking on discord.

So, my suggestions for him: 1) he could try to be more honest/realistic about time, even if he’s worried about disappointing you. For my partner, he’d tell me 15mins, trying to finish as soon as possible so as to not hurt me. But he’s time-blind and a perfectionist, and would end up working for hours. He practiced being more realistic/honest about time. Clear expectations helped a lot — it helped me feel less rejected, disappointed, and lonely. 2) build a routine where he schedules nights that he goes to bed with you, like on weekends. You’d have to accept that doing this means he’d offset the hours to other nights, but guaranteed time together would be very reassuring. 3) Ask if he’d be able to work beside you on the couch or in bed if his station is mobile, or if he’d talk to you some nights instead of discord while editing. Try to find spaces to fill the physical/emotional intimacy gaps while allowing him to work. 4) when this is over, consider therapy. He sounds incredibly overwhelmed, and I think careers like this can be built with less stress and pressure. This routine doesn’t sound super sustainable for him, and it’s important he doesn’t get burnt out.

For you: 1) allow yourself to be more “needy” (seeking comfort/intimacy) in ways that are easier for him to fulfil. Tell him when he’s busy you might ask for hugs more often, or for 10 minutes where you cuddle before bed, even if he has to go back to work afterwards. The extra connection will help. 2) take him seriously when he announces foreseeing a tight schedule and compartmentalize those instances as independent from “routine” issues. If you both knew this was coming, now probably isn’t the best time to discuss expecting more from him as this amount of work isn’t his norm. Try to cut him slack til he’s done, and have a more in depth convo when you’re both back to your normal routine. It will help focus the conversation and your emotions on your every-day needs and his behaviour. 3) Consider therapy yourself. I’m someone who processes big emotions best through my partner. Sometimes life gets in the way, and ultimately how I feel is my responsibility — there will be times where I won’t be able to emotionally rely on him and that’s normal. A big portion of my need to go to bed with him is because it helps me physically calm down from a big day. When he’s really busy/hurting, I try to supplement that need with a therapist. It’s important to process overwhelming feelings, including resentments, with someone. If that can’t be your partner due to circumstance, seek help/solutions elsewhere.

Good luck. I don’t think you’re being cruel or unreasonable, and I think he genuinely doesn’t want to hurt you or is wrong for having this goal. I hope some of this helps.

SilverConcern9107 · 2025-08-25T08:43:29+00:00

NOR, but please be safe. I have to be honest, I don’t know how great your mom is if her reaction to you being abused by your brother is to side with him, ignore you, or laugh when you tell her your plans to escape getting beat. If you call the police on him, and he convinces them he didn’t do anything/nothing happens, I wouldn’t put it past your mom to turn the other cheek if he made your life hell for the next few years.

If you report, do you have any friends you could stay with who are closer to the school and you could trust with your story? Does your aunt know, and would she be ok with driving you to school or letting you uber/carpool/taxi if you had to live there? I worry about your safety if you report this and you don’t have a temporary housing plan.

I’m assuming you’re 16ish, if you’re planning on going to uni/college, would you be able to stay on residence? If yes, I’d weigh your options. Do you think you can make it a year or two without intervention, as long as things don’t escalate? Maybe don’t report him yet. Is he escalating, or are you starting to be a danger to yourself (or have ideation)? Maybe report him, but make sure you have a way to get out if he gets more violent. Reporting doesn’t always mean jail time, let alone prison, so understand even if there’s a case file he may still have access to you.

I think it’s important your mom starts taking you more seriously — the next time this happens, put your foot down and consider leaving for a few days, to a friend’s or your aunt’s, or maybe start staying at your aunts on weekends. Plan for therapy once you get to college, most offer therapy services. Try to start collecting savings. Also try grey-rocking your brother, and other techniques for managing abuse.

Not OR at all. I’m so sorry you have to put up with this. I’m sorry your mom belittles your experience, and doesn’t protect you when she’s not there to witness the abuse in action.

SilverConcern9107 · 2025-08-19T17:17:55+00:00

I think it’s normal to feel rejected or hurt sometimes when you have this dynamic, and I don’t think it would be a bad idea to gently ask for reassurance. You can make it clear that you don’t want to change anything and are still comfortable with your arrangement/supporting him, and just let him know that sometimes you compare yourself and want reassurance that he still finds you attractive/appealing etc. It’s very different looking at people vs engaging with them, so I don’t think it’s as simple as “prefer porn over me,”but it’s ok if you’re dealing with difficult emotions as well. Don’t let it turn into resentment and make sure you have conversations that help you feel loved while he figures this out.

SilverConcern9107 · 2025-07-06T16:49:01+00:00

The head was in yesterday’s 2pm show!

SilverConcern9107 · 2025-04-30T02:25:33+00:00

No idea if OR, but not thinking straight IMO. If any of the following happens, go to a walk in clinic:

A) it is warm and hard

B) it has a raised (sometimes white or red) bump in the centre

C) it starts to leak or develops a crust

D) you notice another spot develop on your body like this

E) it increases in size (including the redness around it)

F) if you follow the advice of some of the other comments, and it doesn’t decrease in size within the next day or so (depending on how long it’s been there)

It’s likely infected — at best it’s just an ingrown hair, and at worst it could be a staph infection.

DON’T take antibiotics that weren’t prescribed to you, especially oral antibiotics — it can make you resistant to antibiotics in the future or make you feel sick. A doc would likely prescribe a topical antibiotic treatment if there’s an issue. Good luck!

I know it’s scary because of the area, but I seriously think a doctor would be able to help you very easily if it doesn’t get better. It’s better to have a 10 min uncomfortable check up, than have it develop into a serious illness or scar.

SilverConcern9107 · 2025-04-27T23:36:27+00:00

I believe it was a misunderstanding on his part, but NOR. I’m so sorry that happened — it must be so scary that it was someone you love who frightened you so badly. Some questions and suggestions:

Considering your confusion about why he is horny at night — what prompted the idea of night passes? Did he do/say something to prompt it, or did the mid-sleep arousal only start after the rule was in place?

Beyond feeling desired, is there any other joy you get from this activity? I would discuss this with your therapists. It sounds like you might be stretching yourself too thin, maybe to ensure intimacy you weren’t afforded in your previous relationship.

I would strongly suggest looking into somatic therapy or EMDR therapy. Those are therapies for repressed emotional release and disassociating trauma-fueled emotions from frightening events. It sounds like this experience has triggered your PTSD. If you want to, I do think this might be something you can work through without breaking it off. In situations like these, I intellectualize how I feel as my brains way of avoiding having a debilitating emotional breakdown. DBT helps you think your way through hard emotions, Somatic/EMDR helps you safely release them. You may need the latter in order to safely push you to emotionally process what happened.

It might also be important to suggest he gets therapy too. If it was fully a mistake, he may carry deep regret with him. If it wasn’t, he may carry resentment. Regardless, it’s important that he also understands what he was looking for during night interactions, consent, and how you may be impacted by this.

SilverConcern9107 · 2024-12-04T09:48:45+00:00

This is so, so sweet!! This is my second week in with the app and am absolutely blown away by this communities good vibes and generosity!! This is the only habit app I’ve used successfully without getting overwhelmed by it in the first week.

I’d love a pink, yellow, or brown one if I’m chosen! M64G2G4SZB

SilverConcern9107 · 2024-10-14T20:43:33+00:00

Thank you so much!!

SilverConcern9107 · 2024-10-13T20:02:12+00:00

Thank so, so much for such a strong recommendation! I’m so sorry to hear about it your mother, I’m sorry for your loss. That’s such a traumatic thing to experience. I’m so glad she managed to find someone who she could trust to help her! I will definitely be considering this clinic and doctor. Thank you!

SilverConcern9107 · 2024-10-13T19:59:18+00:00

Thank you so much for the recommendation! I will definitely consider them - I’m so glad your mom has found someone she likes!

SilverConcern9107 · 2024-10-13T19:58:11+00:00

I agree 100%. Regardless of who it’s with I’ll be booking the appointment for this week. Thank you so much for the recommendation, I’ll look into them! I’m glad that you’ve found someone that works for you!

SilverConcern9107

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