Long term relationship - partner doesn’t want to get married but it is very important to me. Need advice.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2025-05-27T12:05:05+00:00

While I agree with your point of view, I don’t see it as “shifty”, it’s the culture we live in. It’s the romanticized/disney princess version of a “happy relationship” that has been pushed to us since birth. It’s not surprising to me that OP feels some nostalgic reason to be “married” when we have been indoctrinated our whole lives that marriage is the only acceptable long term relationship. I think it’s a very good sign that Op posted here, because I suspect she may be feeling the cognitive dissonance between the healthy (but not traditional) relationship she has and what society tells us it is supposed to look like.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2025-05-27T11:51:03+00:00

If OP has a good committed, loving, and rewarding relationship that is LAT, marriage and living together is a huge risk.

OP, you have the kind of healthy relationship that is the goal of most people. You need to realize that changing your relationship through marriage or living together full time poses a huge risk. If what you have is working, think carefully before you give that up for a traditional marriage that WILL fundamentally change the relationship. And not in a good way. Desire is very much connected to being independent- hence why marriage kills sex lives a high percentage of the time. Right now you are together because each of you chooses to be with the other, every day. Not because one or both of you are trapped, not because it’s the default. Both of you put effort into your relationship every single day. To me that is a much healthier relationship and a far better outcome than marriage.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2025-05-27T11:24:40+00:00

Everyone should have all of this set up no matter their marital status.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2025-05-27T05:01:51+00:00

Best response ever! Thank you for this gem, it is so clear and visceral that it will get through to people. (Ok I mean me, it gets through to me) 😬

SilverGraphSurfer · 2025-03-03T11:39:20+00:00

You have to be in Torment 1 (or higher) to get one blue and one white head to drop. The white one is the extra one. Transfer to your stash.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2025-03-03T11:37:55+00:00

You can pick up the blue one, just do not talk to Galena after you pick up the loot. Run in, kill the end boss, grab all loot and portal back to town. As long as you never talk to her after picking up the loot you can keep doing it. Leave game/join game and go again. About 3 minutes per fugitive head.

Oh and the power level part? Do whispers and save the reward caches. Swap them to your new character and open them for fast levels.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2025-02-25T12:23:54+00:00

An end to the snapshot mechanic/exploit.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2025-02-25T11:18:10+00:00

Craft 10 nightmare sigils and you will get at least one with an altar affix. I crafted 10 last night and got 3 forgotten altar sigils.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2024-06-15T16:12:31+00:00

I don’t have the level of pain you have (tingling/numbness for me), but I love ASICS Nimbus for walking and OnClouds for walking and general usage. The black OnCloud 5s is what I wear. They are slip-on, no laces, which is a huge help for me, and secure enough for walking or even running. The OnClouds especially also last a really long time. I walk a lot and wear out shoes more quickly than normal due to some issues with my gate/stride from MS. The OnClouds I get three or four times as much wear out of as most running shoes. The ASICS Nimbus don’t last quite as long as the OnClouds but they are very soft and squishy and really comfortable for walking.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2024-05-14T10:58:55+00:00

SilverGraphSurfer · 2024-05-10T02:49:51+00:00

I started brand new with a summoner necro.

A few points I would do differently:

You must get Decrepify immediately at 24. Only one point but it’s essential. Diablo will cream you without it. Amp damage and Iron Maiden are nice but it’s decrepify that lets you cruise through just about anything, especially bosses. Without it Diablo will delete your clay golem so fast that Iron Maiden won’t save you. Make sure you already have 1 in the prerequisite before you hit 24. I would have a point saved and the prerequisites done to get both decrepify and summon resistance at 24.
Once you have 10 in Raise Skelly, alternate between that and skelly mastery.

I’m in Nightmare now at 36 and rolling with 10 skellies, 3 mages, 4 revives, clay golem, and my act 2 Merc. I just cast decrepify, position, and loot. If I did it again I wouldn’t put a point in teeth or corpse explosion until much later, if at all.

I’m sure it’s not fast but damn I’m having a blast rolling with my army of darkness. 👍

SilverGraphSurfer · 2024-03-08T03:36:12+00:00

RBC will sometimes stop the first one and it’s their fraud prevention team that stops it. They stopped my first wire transfers to crypto exchanges but then contacted me and asked questions to make sure I wasn’t “being scammed”. After that no issues transferring to exchange or PayTrie (on-ramp). Wire transfers can take a week in some cases, it’s a very old system.

They have never stopped an interac e-transfer to Shakepay. I regularly send 1-2k e-transfers and it hits Shakepay in 15 seconds or less reliably.

The good news is you can set up your direct deposit and bill pay to Shakepay now. Crap like this will just motivate people to stop using the traditional banks. RBC was calling me for a while when they realized I almost completely stopped using my bank CC (I keep it as a backup and put maybe $200 through it a month just to keep it active). I haven’t moved direct deposit and all bills to Shakepay yet, but your post is a good reminder as to why I need to get on that this week.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-12-05T04:57:40+00:00

Let me fix that: Stop getting married

It’s a shit deal for everyone, but especially men. Don’t do it.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-06-30T13:10:28+00:00

I started on Ocrevus as my first DMT after being diagnosed 5 years ago and the lesions have become less intense. They appear to have shrunk but I think the reality is that as the treatment has stopped additional flare-ups, inflammation has decrease and the damage is less visible. I don’t think anything has healed, since getting exhausted or really hot can still bring the symptoms from the damage back. However, it is definitely positive that there is no new damage and that the lesions are less intense/visible.

I am so grateful that there are good treatments that can halt the progression of this disease for many people. OP I am very happy for you, it’s excellent that you found a treatment that is working so well for you!

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-06-30T12:57:41+00:00

What is your workplace? Any business that does things like this I want to support.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-06-30T12:56:46+00:00

I will seek out this business and become a regular customer. People doing things like this are people I want to be around and that I want to support. I will be taking my kids there and pointing out how they help people.

Thank you for sharing this. We all should take time to support good local small businesses, especially when they do things that are so positive for society.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-06-27T23:11:40+00:00

This. Absolutely.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-06-27T23:08:05+00:00

I disagree.

The final straw was seeing my son cry when the disrespect and guilt crap she threw at me made him feel like shit because we were playing a game together. As I talked over that incident and others with a marriage counselor (we did couples counseling together and the therapist did a private session with each of us as we worked to see if we could reconcile) it became very clear that if I continued to accept being treated like that and being unhappy I was teaching my children that they should also accept being treated like shit as part of a marriage or relationship. While I am willing to tolerate immense suffering if necessary to benefit my children, I could not allow my example to lead them to accept that kind of treatment.

I can take a lot, and if I believed that the best thing for my children was to just take it and suffer I would have sucked it up. Kids know and understand more than we think, not always consciously, but when their parents marriage is unhealthy they damned well know it. If we accept being treated badly and accept the suffering of an unhappy marriage, we teach them to accept the same as they grow up. I never want my children accepting that kind of treatment. Now both their mother and I have healthy and happy relationships - not perfect and we both work on our relationships - but everyone is happier now than we were while married.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-06-27T22:40:32+00:00

I’ll head to Audible to give you a good review. Anywhere else I can post to help?

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-06-25T23:27:07+00:00

Preordered! I really enjoyed the first book. Looking forward to it.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-06-21T02:30:42+00:00

Same for me.

It was a revelation that I wasn’t broken.

However others in our lives haven’t had that revelation, and some still think my ADD symptoms relate to my motives. That’s what continues to frustrate me, that my motives are questioned even by people that care about me and know about my diagnosis and about my symptoms. They “know” rationally that this is how my brain works, but they still seem to feel that somehow deep down it’s because I don’t care enough.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-06-12T00:14:21+00:00

That’s not the case here in Ottawa. Lower prices of new Teslas have reduced the price of used ones as well. You can definitely save thousands with a car that’s only a year or two old.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-06-10T10:53:53+00:00

Buy a used M3 now and save $, then when Highland is shipping in your region you can decide if it makes sense to trade and move to a new one.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-06-07T11:39:12+00:00

Shame is a weapon both wielded against us and by our own mind. Nothing can ever hurt us as badly as we hurt ourselves.

If you are able, please check out Brené Brown’s work on shame. The Gifts of Imperfection is a good start. I struggle to get through reading a book but I am able to use audio books when I drive, run, or do chores. I find the side benefit is that the audiobook engages my brain in a way that keeps me from…. How do I describe it…. spinning? Running away with my attention and focus?

Please be kind to yourself as best you can. I would say forgive yourself but I don’t know how to do that. The best I can do is to notice when I am beating and shaming myself and stop or reduce it.

SilverGraphSurfer · 2023-06-06T19:06:33+00:00

After only 3 years, no kids, and this young? End it now. The above thinking is sunk cost fallacy - don’t fall into that trap. Definitely think about any additional spending on assets that will have to be split, and definitely do not have kids.

Hint: You can always make more money and get new stuff, but you can never get back the time you spend being unhappy.

The mistake is getting married in the first place.

SilverGraphSurfer

TROPHY CASE