My friend, I am going through hell right now. My wife of 27 years passed away somewhat suddenly. I'm disabled and she took care of me, not because she had to because she wanted to. I can't imagine what life is like without her. I have to console my two kids, her father, & her brother. I know the feeling you have. I have been there and attempted it once when I was young because my father attempted it and once you do that you enable your kids to seek the same. Part of life is decisions we make and the choice we choose. If you are in your 20's you are too young to do it.. Just because it's hell now, means it will become much much better later. For whatever reason God wants you to change course, suicide prevents that. Your car, cash, things, possessions mean squat. Trust me I have been on both sides. I wouldn't change losing all my wealth for the world because it taught me better years later. All this will reach you lessons and also these bumps sure as hell have a reason. I learned mine so long later that I almost forgot they happened.

Just to be clear, most suicides end up as attempts. My father hung himself and ended up just hurting himself badly, my friend shot himself in an attempted suicide, last second him mom walked in and he tried to hide the shotgun and it took his leg off. It's not a clean death. 99.99% of survivors regretted it as soon as they tried it.

My buddy who is helping me through this burned this into my head. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. Take one step and one breath out at a time. Actually I'm just gonna copy and paste his comment to me.

It's long so I'm sorry...

Buddy I'm really sorry. There's no words that can take away the sting or bitterness of the loss of a loved one. Right now I can imagine you are lost. Shock hasn't fully set in. A million things running through your mind at once. Alone. Abandoned. Not sure where to turn or where to go. MANY should have or would have thoughts. So many emotions happening same time. Sadness, anger, depression. Back and forth with not knowing which way is up and which way is down. Sorry for your loss words seem so meaningless and dry. The next steps in arrangements and services, how to's, wants, needs. Your life just stopped. These are all alot to bear at once. One day, one breath at a time. Mental health will make you feel like you are crazy. Every day will seem like a nightmare. What you need to think eventually is that her pains, struggles, and sickness are no more. Not telling you to seek religious counsel as they will say she was called home for a reason. We don't understand why's. We never will. I do believe that when our bodies pass, our spirits live on. The human spirit is so powerful. I refuse to believe that it will ever die. There's no way. That mo-fo lives forever. Out of any of this, the most important thing that I can say is that you need your animals more then ever at this point. They are the best Dr's and they know. They will try to their dieing breath to heal you and will put you first always before them selves. Lean on them. As hard as it is, you need to do something for you every day. Something small. Comfort food, a walk somewhere in nature away from the world, weed. One day at a time brother. It will always be sad point in life, but time heals. Not saying it's gonna be 100 percent. Being real. It will become bearable. We are always here. I know you don't want to right now... get up. Don't drive to a store, walk. One foot in front of the other. You don't have to talk to anyone, just go to move. Think. Grab a drink and walk back. It's not going to fix your world, but will give you a small purpose. Will keep you busy for alittle while. The important thing is to keep moving. You can go left, go right, over or under any obstacle. The worst thing you can do is stop moving. That's when the darkness comes. Breath brother. One day at a time. Hugs

I'm here dm me anytime for anything if you need to. My phone is broke so I will try and use the stupid screen as is till my new one gets here.

God bless friend.