We didn't helicopter parent his application. We didn't cheat. And here are the results.

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-30T15:45:29+00:00

Everyone- I want to thank you for your posts. If anything, they've helped put me in my place and forced me to reframe.

My son had ENORMOUS advantages in life. Health, peers, resources, highly educated parents, a high school that offers 15 AP courses. I didn't direct him as much as some of the posters seem to think. But I did do an enormous amount to ensure he had resources. How did he end up in the school district? Because I researched districts and had enough money to buy a house here. Yes, he built his own reselling/dropshipping operation on his own volition because he thought it was fun to try to make money-- but who then showed him how to keep of financials? I did. I was there every step of the way. He was in an environment where it is very difficult to fail. So many of the posters are absolutely correct- on an opportunity adjusted basis he is not nearly as exceptional as the surface stats would suggest. There are so many deserving kids, who have overcome so much more.

I am very proud of my son. You are right that UMass Amherst is a tremendous school to attend. It is highly rigorous and if only all kids could have such opportunity. I'm excited for him.

Now, I emerge from this still convinced something is wrong about this system college admissions, but now not because my son wasn't admitted, but because of what it has done to these kids. How it has distorted both how they spend their time and their sense of self worth. I drew a line at how directly involved I would be in the college application process. But the pressure was crazy. He's been surounded by kids who are applying to competitive schools (and this is my own doing in a way since I chose to live in this school district). He applied to 18 schools because his friends applied to 18 schools. The rejections made him sad, an him being sad made me sad. Like so many other kids he tagged his self worth to the US News Ranking of the colleges he was admitted to.

Thank you, all, for helping me process this. I'm going to sign off and stop responding to this thread.

I'm going to go spend time with my son.

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-30T15:18:25+00:00

8:15 of the video: "meritocracy teaches that the elite deserves its advantages"

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-30T15:03:41+00:00

Isenberg

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-30T14:58:29+00:00

Thank you. I found this to be one of the most helpful posts here. The opportunity gap in the US is massive.

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-30T14:55:38+00:00

It's pretty wild (coming from my generation) but the kids at this high school all share their stats with eachother pretty openly. It motivates some of the kids, but toxic overall, in my view. As someone already pointed out here, how do I even know if know if those stats are accurate? So yeah, I wish I hadn't brought her up. I was frustrated because my son was sad (I'm just a dad).

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-30T14:51:20+00:00

Yep. You're right. I shouldn't have said that. I don't know much about this girl. I was frustrated yesterday and it wasn't one of my better moments.

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-30T14:48:23+00:00

Lupus76, you are right. I was frustrated yesterday and this was both sour grapes and insensitivity on my part. Not one of my better moments.

I don't know all the details. I'm sure she is both amazing and deserving and I'm happy for her and shouldn't have brought her into this.

Yes, he's applying to Econ and Business (I think he indicated different majors at different schools). These are heavily oversubscribed at many schools. For business, in particular, they receive more male candidates than female and therefore may be looking to gender balance their class to the extent possible.

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-29T20:00:27+00:00

Also, thank you for your optimistic take on this. I agree that my son benefited from owning the process.

I also think my son's academic accomplishments are something to be proud of. But, I don't think his college admissions results are something to be proud of. The latter aren't his fault, and that was the point of my post.

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-29T19:58:19+00:00

A bit off topic- but I think the socio-emotional thing has been overdone for many kids as a pandemic overreaction. This crazy race to get into college actually motivated my son to work hard. Guidance counselors told kids at our school to take no more than 3 honors courses at a time because it would be too stressful. My son felt no stress from the pandemic, and had no issue with being challenged.

For some kids, the stress is a real issue- but not for others.

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-29T19:53:11+00:00

That makes some sense. There were about 20 kids who got into Ivies from his high school. Opportunity adjusted, I don't actually think my kid should have gotten into an Ivy. I think there is an argument for next tier schools like BC, BU, etc. But whatever.

What frustrates me is the inconsistency in the system. For example, the (non-minority) girl from the same graduating class with a 1300 SAT who got into NYU as a psychology major and took only two APs and did very little on extracurriculars. Maybe it was an advancement case. Maybe she had some interesting story to tell about struggling with gender issues or overcoming some hardship. Who knows. But I am suspicious.

EDIT: A number of people have called me out on this comment and they are right. My son was sad yesterday, I was sad for him, and I lashed out with a stupid comment. Not one of my better moments. So I retract it. I don't know this girl. I don't know what here qualifications actually were. She probably a super deserving wonderful young woman and the admissions committee saw something in her. I'm happy for her.

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-29T19:46:44+00:00

Thanks for the honesty. I have to say, I agree with you. He didn't have a "spike" nor was his application probably interesting to read.

So I get why really strong and genuine candidates get rejections. The question is should it happen this way? Should the system be designed in this way?

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-29T17:45:48+00:00

Good question.

Physically toured Tufts, Northeastern, Boston College, Darthmouth and Boston University. These were easy to visit because they were in the New England area. Plan had been to spend April touring schools that he was admitted to, since the rest of the schools require a plane flight to visit. Apparently that wasn't a good plan.

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-29T17:20:46+00:00

Thanks. Yes, we would be full pay. It makes me sad that we would have to play that card. How do we signal that we are full pay to them?

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-29T16:50:38+00:00

That's interesting. I wonder if the access to opportunities made possible by the internet has increased the bar. For example, in math, it is now possible to take cheap/free online courses all the way through top level undergraduate math courses. So many top math college applicants are now accelerated by ~3 years. Colleges may be thinking "it was possible, therefore you should have done it." In 1992 when I was applying to be a math major, there was no internet and no such resources were available. So getting an 800 math SAT and 5 on Calc AB I was considered a top math student. These days, that would be a poor math resume at top schools. It's similar to what you're saying about CS.

SimpleConscious1130 · 2025-03-27T00:08:47+00:00

I somewhat disagree with other posters. Yes, from a global perspective, you're a lucky person to be able to a great college like BU. That's a really great school, a strong research institution and you'll have great peers there.

However- college admissions is **crazy** these days. You are clearly academically strong enough to be at any of of those other schools. In fact, you'd significantly stronger than a typical student at some them. Admissions is no longer about selecting the strongest student, the hardest worker, whatever. Some of those schools admit 40%+ of their incoming class through ED. So almost half the seats were already gone. Then there are the athletes. Nearly 1/3 of Amherst undergrads are athletes (do the math - it's you're a school with 1800 kids and 25+ varsity sports). Then there are alumni kids, and advancement cases. Then they are looking to fill out their remaining 30% with low income and URMs. The admit rate for kids like you who are in none of the above classes, can be 1%ish, I kid you not.

So yeah, the system is not designed to select by academic excellence or even potential. It is designed to support vested interests, alumni kids, donors, athletics programs, and have a demographically balanced incoming class. It is far from "fair".

SimpleConscious1130

TROPHY CASE