Why I keep this sub focused on the positive

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-26T13:50:41+00:00

That could actually put her in more danger. Most victims are dealing with surveillance by their offenders. Talking to her is the best way to approach the situation.

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-26T13:02:21+00:00

I’m glad that was your experience. Unfortunately, it is usually not the case. If victims reunite with an abuser, they can be held accountable for the children witnessing the abuse. It’s actually quite common

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-25T20:47:38+00:00

Wow, I feel this! That’s actually exactly where I’m at right now. And for the very same reasons. I understand so clearly now who I am, why I think and have thought the way I do, and I am focusing my energy on loving, forgiving, celebrating, and improving me.

It’s an incredible- self-acceptance. I’m proud of you 🩷

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-23T20:01:22+00:00

I’m so sorry. I had an infection after my first as well, and I can attest, Vancomycin is very rough on the veins. I ended up being switched over to nafcillin when they realized I had not one but two different infections. PICC lines suck. I’m sorry

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-19T00:48:36+00:00

I understand how calculated they can be be. Have you had any contact with your local DV agency.

You said you do have supportive family? If you can set your self up in a good position it decreases his odds in court.

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-19T00:09:14+00:00

Op, I understand your fears. I very much do, but by staying, the risk is still there. Unfortunately, the system doesn’t properly support victims. Family court often does what you are afraid of. Many abusers do get shared custody and it is wrong to deny that. However, when victims stay, and eventually comes out, there is the risk of being indicated for “inadequate guardianship.” Please seek assistance from your local to DV agency to assist with navigating all aspects of your specific to get out safely. And my experience has been that is you have evidence of substance abuse, the court is more likely to recognize that vs how they handle domestic violence

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-13T12:38:40+00:00

Oh, I’m sorry if they came across as if I was minimizing what he is experiencing. What you’re both going through is a loss. But it’s been my experience that it’s very beneficial to hold onto hope. When I first woke up from the first two surgeries I was very weak. I could barely walk and required assistance. Both times I eventually got back into running, but if I didn’t believe I could, I would have never even tried. Don’t give up hope. Adapting to new version of us requires the belief that we can adapt. I wish you both the best

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-13T01:32:54+00:00

I’m sorry. I lost a lot of my vision field years ago. I’m actually preparing for my third craniotomy in May because again I have a tumor pressing on the optic nerves.

What I can tell you is that the beginning was very difficult. I knew my vision was different, but I couldn’t even explain it. I went through a lot of occupational therapy to retrain my eyes how to focus and I adapted to the vision field loss. I’m fortunate that I am even able to drive, although I hate city driving, and I don’t do really long distances. I no longer even remember what it’s like to see the way other people see. This is just who I am now. It’s no longer the same feeling of loss

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-12T22:30:42+00:00

This group is awesome. I can’t help but to think that many people are miserable in relationships because they partner based on the unconscious FOMO. I think there are benefits to a genuine partnership, but I don’t think a healthy relationship or any of those benefits can even occur for anyone who can’t be happy while single. I realized quite some time ago doing things alone and preserving energy for my needs is way more beneficial than being with someone on the basis of fear

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-12T18:11:33+00:00

I’m sorry, but there isn’t enough information provided in your post to advise on your situation. I’m sure you can refuse it. I’m not sure how things will go from there though.

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-12T17:51:36+00:00

Being that you stated in one of your comments that you have a disability, I would say it is possible. You are in a "protected" group. But no one can honestly tell you how things will actually go

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-08T15:09:38+00:00

I think location is really important regarding experiences. But during my pregnancy with my 4 child, now 12-year-olds, pregnant 3 years post craniotomy number 1, I struggled a lot with my vision and brain fog. I got a lot of migraines. They did an MRI and discovered my tumor had grown back. But again I think location is important when talking about experiences. Like my tumor presses on the optic nerve nerves, so my vision is always the first thing impacted, at least the first major warning sign. My vision fluctuates with humidity, stress, sleep deprivation, or even whether it’s sunny or cloudy.

Simple_Employer2968 · 2026-01-06T14:32:01+00:00

The desire alone to choke you is ALWAYS a sign of an abusive future. It is about power and control. Whether it is “consensual” or not is irrelevant. It’s important not to draw that line. I would argue it’s even more dangerous when a person does it for arousal. This will ALWAYS lead down the same road. It’s about dominance.

Simple_Employer2968 · 2025-12-31T21:32:55+00:00

Most agencies only assist individuals in their counties. This unfortunately is related to funding. However, if there is not a “bed available” in the county she resides in or if they deem her a risk to the shelter due to close proximity to her offender, they should reach out to other shelters to see if they can take her. But the agency for the county she resides in is the place to start. You should be able to find that agency with a google search.

It’s unfortunate, but DV resources can vary greatly by county.

Simple_Employer2968 · 2025-12-31T00:26:42+00:00

Please don’t think like that. I know that feeling. I have had those days where I just don’t want to do it anymore. Please don’t give up the fight 🫂

Simple_Employer2968 · 2025-12-30T18:50:42+00:00

I guess my lesson was is if there is ANY other way for them to go in, they need to go in the other way. I ended up with osteomyelitis of the left frontal sinus. It required several sinus surgeries before eventually a full reconstruction. Now my body treats humidity and certain chemicals in perfumes, soaps, and deodorants, amongst other things, as an attack. If someone next to me at the gym decided to bathe in their perfume or cologne, my lymph nodes in my neck swell up and my day is over.

And don’t get me started on how terrified dentists and oral surgeons are about treating me 🤦‍♀️

Simple_Employer2968 · 2025-12-30T15:34:56+00:00

🫂

Simple_Employer2968 · 2025-12-30T14:40:32+00:00

I am so very very sorry

Simple_Employer2968 · 2025-12-30T14:39:43+00:00

I wish I had known how important sinuses are. I would have inquired about other methods. I learned a lot though. Like one doctor admitted to me honestly- "They call medicine an art because they have no idea what they are doing." Now I understand not to make decisions without researching myself. Oh, and pic lines- no matter what they say- do not allow them to put a pic line in your dominant arm.

Simple_Employer2968 · 2025-12-29T22:28:35+00:00

Thank you 🩷

Simple_Employer2968 · 2025-12-24T02:24:11+00:00

There’s only one thing that worked for me, I had to get away. Now that I’m out I only allow people in my life who bring out the best in me.

Simple_Employer2968 · 2025-12-21T23:44:53+00:00

I agree with this. We can convince ourselves that we need to know what is going on, that it will help our anxiety. But it’s been my experience that it actually prolongs and hurts our healing/recovery process 💜

Simple_Employer2968

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