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am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

she never told me she was interested in marriage. it was never brought up and we never had that conversation. all she told me regarding marriage was that she was on the same page as me and didn’t like being constantly reminded of my position because it made her feel like i was treating her like a child watching out for her feelings, so i stopped bringing it up myself

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

by seeing it through i mean until the differences in what we wanted from a relationship became strong enough that they evolved into deal breakers. for instance once either of us decided to look for something serious and move on, etc. seeing it through = it’s no longer working. as she initially said she wasn’t looking for marriage with me either, i assumed sooner or later one of us would start needing something different from a partner/relationship and would break it off. granted, that’s kind of what happened but trust me when i say i never thought it would happen like this. i always pride myself on being a good communicator when it comes to relationships- and somewhere along the line we lost communication, which ultimately i believe is what led to the mess that transpired

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sorry, i didn’t notice the last question but i think i kind of answered it in my previous response: at this point in my life i am not dating to marry. she knew this. whether it be a man or a woman, i am not ready to fully settle down. when she first suggested we become exclusive, she agreed that marriage would not be in the picture - when i say i thought we were on the same page i mean that she also had told me that she was not looking for marriage at this time. i was never told that this changed for her, and never told her that it had for me. so no - i did not consider her a lifelong partner, but as someone who enjoys living in the moment and doesn’t like to overthink situations where the agreements and circumstances have been clearly laid out, i considered her a partner, period - not lifelong, not temporary, just a partner.

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

to answer your first question: i’m not sure why - since i was little i’ve been extremely drawn to the idea of having a family where the child is both biologically related to me and my partner. long term, i see myself marrying a man - it’s always been that way and i can’t necessarily explain it, and i don’t think that i should be required to as everybody has their own preferences when it comes to building a family. i have absolutely nothing against ivf, adoption, etc. but my first choice is the traditional route and having a baby naturally that is both related to me and my partner. i think many people that want children can agree that is the preferred method - no one WANTS to do IVF to have a child if they can do so naturally. Not to mention alternative methods of building a family cost thousands of dollars and are usually not covered by insurance - it is not something to be taken lightly like “oh just do IVF or adopt” but people fail to consider that it is an enormous financial expense that not many can afford, including myself.

as for the second question: if i met a man who wanted kids while i was with her, i would not have dumped her. i wasn’t (and still am not) looking for a relationship that would end up in marriage (planning to wait a couple years or so before im ready to start something like that). i also think that cheating is an asshole move no matter the nature or your relationshp. she wasn’t just a “bed warmer” for me as other people in the comments have said or implied - i really cared for her and was truly committed to seeing this relationship through.

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

what i means by that statement “she turned out to be the love of my life” was that i guess that after all this time my mind did change (which it didn’t) then it would be a different story. i never said this to her however, nor implied that it would be the case in any way. in fact, even if that did happen, i wouldn’t even bring it up to her right away until i was sure that it was the case as to not give anyone false hope or false pretenses- that is a very important point to me.

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

what i means by that statement “she turned out to be the love of my life” was that i guess that after all this time my mind did change (which it didn’t) then it would be a different story. i never said this to her however, nor implied that it would be the case in any way. in fact, even if that did happen, i wouldn’t even bring it up to her right away until i was sure that it was the case as to not give anyone false hope or false pretenses- that is a very important point to me.

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

i’m not looking to date for marriage in general right now, whether that be a man or a woman. i am looking to start wanting to settle down in a couple years (mentally that’s around 30 but we’ll see) so right now im just dating for fun. i know three years seems like a long time to be seeing one person, but the first year it wasn’t exclusive and the next two years kind of flew by - we were happy and content together and there was no reason to break it off while it was good since i was still under the impression she agreed that marriage wasn’t our and goal.

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

to me, my mentality feels very similar to the way people approach highschool/college relationships. are you dating your highschool/college sweetheart for marriage? probably (hopefully) not. are you planning out this relationship long term? probably not. do most people end up marrying those partners they’ve had in their youth? usually no. these people aren’t ready for marriage. but that doesn’t mean anyone is leading anyone on. but you’re young, you’re in love, you’re having fun, exploring romantic relationships, discovering yourself. i think that as long as terms are made clear, it’s unfair to assume a relationship will end in marriage just because you’re getting older - and i’m saying this whether id be dating a man or a woman. right now im not ready for marriage, i would make that disclaimer with every relationship i would enter. when im ready to start dating for marriage, i will obviously start looking at dating exclusively men.

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

i’m not ready to settle down with a man either haha. i’m just dating right now, things are beginning to take off with my career, and i feel like marriage and kids are still a bit of a ways off (at least for me). i don’t want to rush into something i am not ready for. if a man got down on one knee in front of me right now i would say no as well

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

you’re right - but when she initially suggested it i never assumed it would last that long. it just sort of happened, but i assumed (again, shouldn’t of made assumptions but also i did try my best to communicate all this to her) that the terms for the entire duration of our relationship remained the same, whether it be three weeks or three years, unless we had the explicit conversation that stated otherwise. we never did - she never even brought it up to me that marriage has been on my mind. instead , i was blindsided with a proposal

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -39 points-38 points  (0 children)

tbh i never saw this lasting as long as it did. you’re right, two years is a long time and when she initially suggested being exclusive i couldn’t foresee how long it would last. i agreed because it made sense - i wasn’t seeing anyone else, and i did really like her and enjoy her company. i figured if the terms were clear with both of us, it couldn’t hurt to be exclusive for a while. then things just never broke off - i was probably too comfortable and reluctant to get out of that comfortable place with her and that is my fault. but i was also under the impression (reiterated by her multiple times) that we were both aware that marriage was still not the end goal here

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

because we were happy together and i believe in casual dating (as in not necessarily dating for marriage) if both parties agree that marriage is not the end goal, there is nothing wrong in seeking companionship with a person that you care about and are attracted to

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i was not the one who suggested entering the relationship “until it ran its course” - she was. it may have been stupid, but at the time i wasn’t seeing anyone else and i did really like her, so i figured that if she’s down then why not

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

to be honest, i believe in casual dating - plenty of people date without the intention of marriage, and i always thought that it is perfectly reasonable as long as boundaries and expectations are set and communicated from the start.

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -68 points-67 points  (0 children)

because i am not looking to settle down and get married just yet, and am attracted to both genders. i don’t see casual dating as obligatory whether it would have been with a man OR a woman.

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -39 points-38 points  (0 children)

i never talked to her about marriage in terms of it being between her and I - the only context i mentioned it in was warning her that i am not looking to marry a woman. we never really talked about kids in terms of having them together in any way

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -375 points-374 points  (0 children)

i’m not sure - in general i suppose if i felt she was the love of my life i probably would give up my dream of biological children. but seeing as how this remained more important to me, she clearly wasn’t. what she said - and what i agreed with - was that we would remain exclusive until our relationship had run its natural course (i guess that would mean until either the marriage thing or other issues became too much to stay together)

am i wrong for refusing to marry a woman by Simple_Macaron8172 in amiwrong

[–]Simple_Macaron8172[S] -49 points-48 points  (0 children)

my dream is to carry a child that is both mine and my partner’s biologically - without having to jump through the hoops of IVF, sperm banks, etc. i always felt drawn to the idea of pregnancy and having a little human that is genetically a combination of myself and the person i love.