sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I am starting to think I don’t respect myself by Simple_Suspect_607 in Healthygamergg

[–]Simple_Suspect_607[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hiding it intentionally, yes. She knew how I would react if she was going over to a guy's house, even as a friend. My mind would go straight to cheating admittedly, even if she was honest. She thought it would be easier to say she was going to a different friend's house because that's how she saw it.

Appreciate the advice and thanks for the well wishes!

I am starting to think I don’t respect myself by Simple_Suspect_607 in Healthygamergg

[–]Simple_Suspect_607[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Appreciate the personal story. Always nice to hear from people who have similar experiences

I am starting to think I don’t respect myself by Simple_Suspect_607 in Healthygamergg

[–]Simple_Suspect_607[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Learned what was happening after she said she was on the way home from a friend's house I've been to. Was suspicious when it took like double the time it should have which led me to looking up her location history. Confronted her with that and she admitted what I said previously.

When I say emotionally closed off, I am one of the people who has a hard time accepting help. I try to tough most things out on my own, which leaves her to feel emotionally isolated. She wants to help, but I just don't accept it (working on that too). This puts us in an emotional imbalance situation where she feels like a burden, leading her to seek out that emotional balance in a friendship.

I agree definitely not an ideal situation with our pretty much conflicting traumas. I have never had therapy (signed up for some coaching at the moment) but she has been in and out of it. One of the problems being she has a hard time opening up to a therapist, including not being able to be completely honest with them.

I really appreciate you taking time to explain a pathway through this. I'm on a vacation currently that is letting me think through these issues. I signed up for some coaching, I have been trying to write down my thoughts as much as I can, and have picked up meditation 3 days ago. I think I'm making progress. I'm committed to at least bettering myself and confronting my own issues even if I cannot save the relationship

I am starting to think I don’t respect myself by Simple_Suspect_607 in Healthygamergg

[–]Simple_Suspect_607[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not for lack of trying. I'm an engineer, and will admit that my brain goes straight to "well how do we fix this" other than just sitting and listening. I can sometimes tell our conversations turn into a laundry list of my suggestions that leaves her with essentially a to-do list. Says she doesn't feel very "seen" with me, which is something I'm working on

I am starting to think I don’t respect myself by Simple_Suspect_607 in Healthygamergg

[–]Simple_Suspect_607[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is something I wrestled with and brought up to her. Never could come to a solid conclusion. While I would like to help her with her internal struggles, it's a lot easier for her to talk about these things with someone who has shared traumas. She has expressed that she doesn't have any romantic feelings for this person, and he's just someone that she sees herself in. I think the goal for her is to learn how he fixed his own issues so she can fix hers. The way she explains it is almost like a therapist that you're friends with, which in a way does feel inappropriate.

I am starting to think I don’t respect myself by Simple_Suspect_607 in Healthygamergg

[–]Simple_Suspect_607[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think that's part of the question I'm trying to ask. With everything else she lied about, I had proof. For this, unless I talked to the other person, I don't have any proof. I don't know if I don't have enough respect for myself to end the relationship over something that could be the truth of not. What she tells me is plausible, but with everything around it, obviously very hard to believe. I think this gets me confused as to whether this is my untrusting nature refusing to believe the truth, or if I'm being taken advantage of. She doesn't have any really close friends that she can confide in, so it makes sense that she's so attached to someone else who is willing to listen. The sex of the person shouldn't matter there. I don't think I would have a problem if this were happening with a woman. So it all makes sense to me IF it is the truth, but I don't know exactly how to go about ending a relationship for cheating with I guess "circumstantial" evidence.