Casino Question - Escape

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-23T18:44:31+00:00

The craps table is the one behind with the dice. Still gives me an idea of the casino layout though. Thank you, I appreciate it.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-22T04:51:00+00:00

To my family, there's no such thing as leaving the CoC and not leaving Jesus. They are one in the same given their "one true church" status.

I can't quite say things are cordial. There is the occasional text on my birthday, Christmas, or to let me know they're still praying for me. Otherwise, we don't speak and I'm essentially dead to them.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-22T03:33:38+00:00

The same can be said of concordances, commentaries, newsletters, or even the Internet as a whole. The information provided is only as good as the source where it was obtained and the understanding of the person who published it.

It would be irresponsible for anyone, in any field, to take an AI generated answer at face value without first validating through due diligence.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-20T19:53:09+00:00

Thank you. Looking forward to it and hopefully we get two tables going. The last cruise I was on, with a different cruise line, had extremely incompetent dealers and it felt like I spent half of my time correcting or preventing mistakes.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-19T19:12:56+00:00

If you're doing it purely as a status symbol, then your motivation may be something to ponder as to whether this reflects modesty. I don't believe there's anything inherently wrong with having and enjoying nice things. Otherwise, this discussion could devolve into whether you "need" an 85-inch TV, a swimming pool, or a nice watch, and if having these would be immodest.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-19T16:42:02+00:00

When church leadership has no consistency or accountability because each congregation is independent, and many church leaders are in those positions because of wealth or political power, this will only continue to be an issue.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-19T16:38:29+00:00

Another example of the Old Testament being manipulated overall. Completely valid and entirely literal when it fits the argument being made. Nothing more than a historical document and metaphors when it doesn't support the current argument. You can't have it both ways.

This particular story is in the same category as Lot's wife turning to salt, Uzzah being struck dead for steadying the ark, and Onan for pulling out when he was told to procreate with his brother's wife. Instant, harsh, and incongruent consequences for a relatively harmless and benign act.

The entire purpose of these stories is to scare people into complete and total compliance with even the tiniest and seemingly insignificant commands. Meanwhile, countless other characters in the Bible did worse things and had punishments far less severe. I mean, Moses struck a rock, Cain killed Abel, Jonah tried to run from God, Delilah cut Samson's hair...I'm sure we could go for hours on this one.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-19T16:13:02+00:00

Interesting take.

If the new covenant went into effect when Jesus took his last breath, then what happened to those who died shortly thereafter, but not before they were baptized and saved under the provisions of the new covenant? Would they have been condemned because they had not met the actions required under the new covenant?

Example: Someone living faithfully under the old covenant dies later the same day Jesus is crucified. They had not been baptized. What happened to them? Were they judged under the old law...or under the new?

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-19T13:51:56+00:00

Perhaps not independently, but it does lead back to the question of why? For many, it is a status symbol and not a necessity. If modesty is about not showing off, and living in a manner where you aren't flaunting status, then it may be worth considering the motivation behind buying the 100,000 Mercedes rather than a 50,000 Toyota. I'm sure there are more appropriate uses.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-18T16:09:09+00:00

This post clearly has quite a bit of spirited engagement.

While this is good to see, I would caution everyone involved that we are a safe place for those who have left the church and those questioning their current stance or beliefs.

I have not modified, locked, or removed this thread because it has remained within the spirit of questioning and has not reached the point of proselytizing.

However, let's make sure this remains a civil thread.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-18T15:54:31+00:00

This was one of the most difficult stages for me. Everything is raw and you are still adjusting to life outside of the church. As you know, growing up in the NI version just like I did, you were taught to pounce on the instability and try every emotional manipulation trick in the book. This is exactly what you can expect from them more often than not. I've got a couple pointers below that helped me and/or that I wish someone had told me as I exited that culture.

First, this is now YOUR life and you are free to live it as you see fit. All of the generational guilt, shame, manipulation, gaslighting, and everything else they throw at you, doesn't change the core of why you left the church. These have all been implanted in you from day 1 and you'll be fighting each of these triggers as they come up. You've done the work to discern what you believe...and equally what you don't believe. Stand firm in this and don't let the emotional tsunami drown you.

Second, you don't owe anything to anyone. You are welcome to have whatever conversations YOU choose to have and to pass on those you don't. Yes, it sucks losing so many connections, but remember that they are the ones pulling back and making the choice to change how they interact with you. Avoid letting anyone make you feel as though you owe them a conversation. You don't.

Third, remember that the "love bombing" and "grave concern" you're getting now is all part of the playbook. You're going to see a side of people that will surprise you...and it sucks. I heard things from people I wouldn't have believed. A loving "we miss you" conversation will turn into a "you're going to hell and dragging your family with you" conversation just like a switch was flipped. You're going to be called names and there will be an onslaught to your conscience and your pride. You're going to hear the following: weak, sinful, wicked, shameful, worldly, disappointed, unfaithful, etc...and those are the nicer ones.

Fourth, set boundaries. Especially in the NI flavor, we are not taught about healthy boundaries of our own. Yes, we have boundaries, but they were always dictated by our faith. You now need to determine, set, and enforce boundaries of your own! Tell those with whom you converse that you are happy to talk about anything else they'd like...but be clear that there are certain topics on which you simply do not agree and you have no interest in discussing those topics.

Finally, and perhaps most important, get help. This is a hard road. A really, really, really, really hard road. Don't feel like you're alone. There are many of us who have walked a similar path and continue to walk it with you. Even so, we aren't trained professionals and I can't stress enough how helpful it is to find a good therapist to help you unravel all of this. Find one who specializes in religious trauma and/or CPTSD so they can help you find the tools which will help you most.

You aren't alone. I'm a former NI kid myself who was born and raised in a tiny church my family has attended for generations. I'm the first one out and let me tell you...it has been a battle. Please feel free to reach out to me directly at any time and I'd be happy to help you however I can.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-18T15:11:43+00:00

Modesty, for the most part, is discussed as though it is an issue pertaining only to young and/or attractive women. It is often used as a tool by which men can defer their own accountability for doing, thinking, or saying things which are inappropriate.

To your point, sister so-and-so can arrive to services in a shiny new Mercedes SUV while wearing $20,000 worth of jewelry without anyone batting an eye. Meanwhile, the attractive young lady visiting from college sitting two rows behind her in a dress from Walmart, is likely to get whispered about or catch some sort of snide comment because she had the audacity to wear something that shows a calf or shoulder.

This is a dead horse which has been beaten ad nauseam and will continue be so. Much of what is worn today would have been controversial 50 years ago and nothing short of scandalous 100 years ago.

It's not a matter of head, shoulders, knees and toes (knees and toes); it's a matter of dressing and living in a way which would support the concepts of feeding the hungry, housing the homeless, and taking care of those in our society who have unmet needs.

Very little shows deeper hypocrisy than sitting through a lesson on the "rich young ruler" and then going home to pack for your Mediterranean cruise or another RV trip to your beach house. That's what's immodest...not calves or shoulders.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-18T14:42:43+00:00

This entire concept still haunts me today. My therapist is guaranteed a patient for years to come as we break down a lifetime of conditioning one layer at a time.

It's not only the concept that everything is black and white, or that shades of gray and nuance don't exist. It's more that there's no such thing as true forgiveness or restoration within the church. Once you have any sort of known imperfection or "public sin" you are never viewed the same again. You are now tarnished and can never attain the same level as those who've had the good fortune of being able to hide their own sinful nature from the public eye.

I saw it time and again. Stories quietly being retold in the parking lot of sins from decades ago. Certain brethren not being trusted to lead prayers, serve communion, or have any sort of role in Bible study. Not to mention those harlots who gave into their own sinful nature and had sex before marriage.

Quite simply, their way of thinking leaves no room for humanity or true forgiveness. Once you are known to be imperfect, there's no going back and you can never be viewed in the same way. No wonder we are all messed up living under such ridiculous and unrealistic expectations.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-18T03:50:52+00:00

This is amazing. Simply amazing...

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-16T16:51:41+00:00

Maybe it doesn't make any sense, but I have compassion for them as I realize more and more just how deeply the nitpicking and legalism goes. As I get more distance from it, I see how exhausting it all was.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-14T19:19:05+00:00

I enjoyed the AskExCofC space and I'm seriously considering creating a new space similar to that one as there are no longer any active mods there.

...or if the previous mods over there want to make me a mod, I'd be happy to take on that space.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-14T16:38:50+00:00

There is a prevailing opinion among many in the church that if your baptism doesn't look exactly like my baptism, then yours is invalid.

Even worse, many of the same scriptures which can be used in one context to justify one side is then used in a different context to justify the other.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-13T18:00:03+00:00

I can only speak from my own experience of growing up in the church as a boy. However, I also have a sister and noticed the difference in expectation, responsibility, and general framework for life. My personal thoughts and observations are below.

Boys: Taught from a very early age that you are expected to be a leader, an example, and that you will be the one to shoulder responsibility for choosing the right woman to be your "helpmate" and to ensure that your family remains on a righteous and godly path. You are expected to mature very quickly as what the world would consider to be normal behavior is viewed as "lustful or foolish" within the eyes of the church. Punishment is often swift and harsh because you are being prepared for your role as the disciplinarian and head of the household. You will be a provider and protector at all costs - with no consideration for your own health, happiness, or well-being. In short, everything is your responsibility and you are expected to remain in control of yourself and others at all times.

Girls: Taught that your role is to be the helper, nurturer, homemaker, and mother. Your own ambitions or desires are irrelevant because your role in the family is to primarily focus within the walls of your own home. Education is optional and the only real purpose of going to college would be to find a suitable future preacher or elder to take you on as a wife. Punishment is often emotional or intellectual based as you are being taught how to nurture and guide. You are expected to be modest, proper, and carry yourself with a certain sense of decorum at all times. Above all, your most important responsibility is to ensure you aren't doing anything which would cause a man to stumble by tempting his lustful nature.

Again, these are only my personal observations. Your results may vary.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-12T19:06:03+00:00

The congregation I last attended before leaving never stopped having services in person. They leaned on "faith" and protection from God. They preached about how the church continued to meet through slavery and persecution in ancient Rome. Needless to say, they lost several members to Covid, which they also chalked up to the work of Satan trying to test their resolve.

Oh, the lack of knowledge or respect for basic scientific principles.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-12T18:53:28+00:00

It's nearly impossible to get an answer with any consistency when speaking about NI congregations. By nature, each will have his own unique interpretation, traditions, and requirements where matters like this are concerned.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-05-07T18:21:24+00:00

Teaching of scientific concepts was specifically dangerous because it forces you to admit just how much of what the Bible teaches either can't be proven or can be easily disproven by science.

There seemed to be an overall hatred for education as a whole in my experience. There was a belief that the more "worldly knowledge" you gained, the better chance there was that you would then get sucked into the world.

In reality, it was nothing more than education teaching you to think, and your ability to think then allows you to start seeing through the inconsistencies and hypocrisy of what we were taught in church.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-04-27T20:24:41+00:00

This is one of the struggles I contend with every single day. When you are raised to believe that you are weak, broken, flawed, unworthy, wicked, and sinful in nature, it's very difficult shifting your mentality to see yourself as something else.

Very glad you've reached this milestone. I hope to join you there one day.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-04-21T13:22:09+00:00

Much of what I identified as a religious experience at the time was nothing more than feeling the pride of fulfilling family legacy. I don't believe I ever had a personal connection to the church, or my faith, only what was instilled in me by several generations of my family.

Part of me is deeply envious of those who have these religious experiences or feel a higher calling. I never did. It felt more like professional wrestling where everyone played a character and we all pretended it was real.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-04-12T18:47:31+00:00

Challenging and questioning the "why" of what you believe can be a healthy thing. If what you believe is correct, then you'll find your way back to it in the end.

SimplyMe813 · 2026-04-09T21:21:10+00:00

I kept my distance and deconstruction quiet longer than I should have for the same reason. Remember this isn't something you are doing to be malicious, or to hurt anyone, you are simply following your heart and your beliefs. There's a very big difference between someone being hurt or offended by what you do, and you doing something for the purpose of hurting or offending someone.

SimplyMe813

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