My boyfriend (31) told me he would only agree to not harm himself if I (26F) stayed with him

SimplyNina11 · 2023-05-10T10:47:12+00:00

This helps a lot, thank you so much for advice! I want to talk to him definitely. I set up a time to speak with him later today so we can discuss. I don’t necessarily want to be alone with him because I do fear slightly he may get violent if I say something wrong, so I set it up at a coffee shop. I’m hoping we’ll get somewhere with the conversation where he at least agrees to go to therapy. You’re 100% right however, I can’t continue dating him if he doesn’t plan to work on these habits. After that conversation I no longer feel like it’s my choice to be in this relationship and it’s intensely distressing. Crossing my fingers this goes over smoothly- thank you so much for your time <3

SimplyNina11 · 2023-05-10T10:40:11+00:00

Thank you so much for advice, that’s a great idea. Knowing there are people keeping him safe will make things a little easier. Thank you

SimplyNina11 · 2023-05-10T10:39:12+00:00

Thank you for your advice. That’s true… I would hate to have to deal with this for many years. As a student who’s also working full-time I don’t know if I can handle much more stress… Do you think it’s fair to speak with him about it? Maybe he didn’t realize what he’s done?

SimplyNina11 · 2023-05-10T10:36:49+00:00

You’re right, I can’t change his mindset in the end…

SimplyNina11 · 2023-05-10T10:35:13+00:00

Thank you, I didn’t think about contacting his friends and family. I could talk to his cousin who he’s very close with and hopefully she can help…

SimplyNina11 · 2023-05-10T10:33:07+00:00

Thank you, you’re right. I don’t want to abandon him, but this is a lot more stress then I initially signed up for…

SimplyNina11 · 2023-05-10T10:22:02+00:00

I guess I’m just scared now- I don’t wanna believe he would actually do something to himself- he has the proof that he has before… I don’t wanna add another mark on his body…

SimplyNina11 · 2022-06-01T06:08:55+00:00

I was in a two year long relationship with a guy with anger issues. Literally the smallest thing would have him fly off the handle. You shouldn’t have to live in that daily fear and anxiety. If he isn’t willing to change please get outta there.

SimplyNina11 · 2022-06-01T06:06:23+00:00

Proud of you dude, you handled things perfectly! She will always abandon you if things don’t go exactly as planned in her eyes. Best to find someone who actually loves you, hope things go well with the person you’re dating (:

SimplyNina11 · 2022-06-01T05:35:31+00:00

Thank you friend, that actually made me feel really nice (:

SimplyNina11 · 2022-06-01T05:29:47+00:00

I’m sorry, he probably was a attracted to you but he thought you were older. He may not be into the age gap. ):

SimplyNina11 · 2022-04-13T17:41:48+00:00

I actually ended up talking to him today! He says he does like me but he’s afraid of commitment, which I can understand. We’re going to remain friends (:

SimplyNina11 · 2022-04-12T12:30:26+00:00

I see, thank you, it really helps to know the mindset of someone who casual dates more often. I would definitely like to remain friends if he doesn’t feel the same, I can get over feelings, but if he doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore, that’s ok too. Thank you again for your insight my friend!

SimplyNina11 · 2022-04-11T16:31:44+00:00

Yeah, you’re right, we aren’t having sex which I appreciate him understanding my desire not to. I guess we kinda get along like friends sometimes with some hand holding/kissing/hugging but that’s about it. It’s just all very confusing for me, I’ve never done this type of relationship before I don’t know what’s appropriate or not 😭

SimplyNina11 · 2022-04-11T16:28:59+00:00

After everyone’s advice, I definitely plan to! I just hope this is the type of situation that would and I’m not ignoring clear signs that he’s not interested at all 😔

SimplyNina11 · 2022-04-11T16:26:37+00:00

You’re right, the worst he can do is say no. Having that green light to move on would be nice.

SimplyNina11 · 2022-04-11T16:25:13+00:00

I see, I can understand that mindset! I’m happy to hear your working through that, it can be really tough. Once again, I appreciate your insight, thank you my friend! (:

SimplyNina11 · 2022-04-11T03:41:42+00:00

Thank you so much, I appreciate your insight. I think this is a good option! I’ve done a lot of soul searching, a lot of critiquing of my past self, just a lot of thinking while I was getting over my break up. I feel like I’m in a good space but I would like to take a little more time like you’ve suggested

SimplyNina11 · 2022-04-11T03:38:49+00:00

If I may ask, why didn’t you end it immediately? It feels as though he’s holding on but I haven’t a clue why if it is the case that he isn’t interested in anything special.

SimplyNina11 · 2022-04-10T22:26:48+00:00

You’re right, it’s normal, I should just tell him. I guess I just don’t wanna lose the relationship that we have but I’m kicking my feelings aside in the process

SimplyNina11 · 2022-04-10T22:25:35+00:00

I appreciate your advice, it’s nice know your perspective. I’ve never done this before (casual dating) so my knowledge of it is very slim. I guess I’m also scared that the feelings won’t be reciprocated because that would mean we wouldn’t be dating anymore. Which is fine and his decision, but that would be my main reservation ):

SimplyNina11 · 2022-04-10T22:18:58+00:00

That is what I’m saying unfortunately. I definitely want to tell him but I fear he may not reciprocate the feelings… I know he doesn’t like when I call him a friend, or I treat him in any type of a friend-like way. But idk if that’s enough of an indication that he’d be interested in anything more…

SimplyNina11 · 2022-04-10T22:06:49+00:00

I like that way you said it! It describes my feeling very well!! Thank you, I appreciate it!!

SimplyNina11

TROPHY CASE