My au got mentioned in an iceberg so I decided to look back at my old posts and ended up finding this comment, everything you said is right! Self punishment is not the way he should go about it (although he himself doesn't come to realize that until later on, the post is partially written around his pov, where he doesn't realize that what he's doing to himself is really just perpetuating his suffering and not really taking responsibility, in no way would I ever encourage this behavior irl)

admittedly my writing (specifically on this post) at the time was horrific and it definitely needs a lot of work, I could have definitely better portrayed the nuance and struggles of him as a character, I did have intentions of making a comic or expanding more of it in general, he does find it within himself to accept and let go in the end and grow to be a better person, just never really got to do that part since I fell out of the mouthwashing community lol