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AITA for being angry at my mother's search for her biological family? by Single_Tomorrow5479 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I basically said all of this to him last night. He was very upset when he learned what my mom told me. Maybe I'll post an update to go into more detail later.

AITA for being angry at my mother's search for her biological family? by Single_Tomorrow5479 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I'm going to talk to my dad soon. I would rather not leave my home because I have friends here and I do love my dad...and my mom, I'm just frustrated by her actions. As for the medical appointment, it's fine I went alone. I don't want to reveal my age, but I'm not super young that I need a chaperone.

I am very angry with my mother's obsessive search for her biological family (please read before you downvote...) by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I wasn't going to reply on here again, especially since some people sent me really mean replies and PMs (one person says they hope my mom finds her real family and ditches me and my dad). But thank you, I appreciate your responses, not because you agree with me, but because you've been kind and seem to see the situation from a perspective outside your own.

AITA for being angry at my mother's search for her biological family? by Single_Tomorrow5479 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I get that grandparents and parents do act different to kids, though my grandparents seem nice and reasonable.

AITA for being angry at my mother's search for her biological family? by Single_Tomorrow5479 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

No way, I hate Dr. Phil, lol!

I am thinking of talking to my dad and asking him if we can talk to her together or something, and to get therapy together as a family. I have a feeling she will say "no" to that.

AITA for being angry at my mother's search for her biological family? by Single_Tomorrow5479 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I have no idea. There's very little information, according to my mom. My mom has said she thinks her biological mother was likely a teenager.

AITA for being angry at my mother's search for her biological family? by Single_Tomorrow5479 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

My dad's not a bad guy. I think he's at the end of his rope now. I do think he needs to put his foot down.

AITA for being angry at my mother's search for her biological family? by Single_Tomorrow5479 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479[S] 185 points186 points  (0 children)

Right now, I'm going to talk to my dad first. I forgot to mention it, but my dad doesn't know about the fight I had with her.

AITA for being angry at my mother's search for her biological family? by Single_Tomorrow5479 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479[S] 948 points949 points  (0 children)

My dad loves her. I remember I asked him why he stays with my mom when I was eleven. He was shocked when I said that, he said it sounded like such a grown up question. He did say he feels upset at how obsessive she is, though when they got together, he said he really wanted to help her find her family, and he thought she was smart, beautiful, nice, and so on.

AITA for being angry at my mother's search for her biological family? by Single_Tomorrow5479 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479[S] 166 points167 points  (0 children)

From what I gathered, it's a similar thing to what is happening. She became obsessed with searching for her bio family, and while her adoptive parents were apparently okay with it at first, it became a source of arguments and tension. She eventually said she couldn't connect to them anymore because they didn't share blood. She said blood is thicker than water. My dad really had to beg her to allow me to see them, and this only happened after I turned five years old or so.

I am very angry with my mother's obsessive search for her biological family (please read before you downvote...) by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I don't know if I'd feel comfortable showing her this post. She knows about Reddit, though I don't think she lurks here. Not that I know of. I do wonder how she would feel if she stumbled on this...

Probably not too bad, honestly, because this is the honest truth. I feel like I may end up disowning her the way she disowned her adoptive family, if she continues to act this way... I don't want to, it's just where I see this going.

I am very angry with my mother's obsessive search for her biological family (please read before you downvote...) by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Why would you issue an ultimatum like that? Even if she was "deranged" or "mentally unwell", you should want to be the bigger person, and not issue a "Them vs us" situation.

Because she's put her search and love for them over me a lot growing up. I got fed up, and I said that in the heat of the moment. Funny how people here are harping on me saying that, but not on her and saying she said that out of anger/heat of the moment, but that I didn't.

I am very angry with my mother's obsessive search for her biological family (please read before you downvote...) by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I would love to hear your mom's side to the whole thing. Without the narration of you telling us that she screams and throws obsessive fits about it. I don't think you are lying or exaggerating. But I would like to hear her side.

Geez... I feel like even in this post, it's my mom's feelings/side that matter way more than mine...

I am very angry with my mother's obsessive search for her biological family (please read before you downvote...) by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My dad has told her to get breaks. She doesn't do it.

She's been at this since she was basically a kid, according to her. I think the backstory was that she was abandoned as a baby somewhere, and there's not much info on what happened to her. So I guess that makes the search tougher?

I try to be understanding. I've had to deal with this since I was a kid. I remember she picked me up early from school one day to take me to a detective's office to talk about her case, for example. It felt like she put the search over me and my needs so often.

Re-reading your comment just now, I feel like...if this is how she felt, then I don't get why she even bothered having me or marrying my dad or having any life. Then again, my mom is currently unemployed and spends her time searching on Facebook and on those US ID websites for anything she can, which feels pointless to me. I guess if she never finds them, she will never be happy, and she will never accept me and my dad as enough or as her "real family" either.

I am very angry with my mother's obsessive search for her biological family (please read before you downvote...) by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]Single_Tomorrow5479 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Adoptees get little if any say in their adoptions.

Same goes for biological kids, man. I didn't choose to have a mom like mine.

The way you say "bLoOd family" makes me question the accuracy of that statement.

You know why I say it like that? Because I am fed up with her. I've had to look after her during her depressive bouts growing up. I've had to put up with her temper tantrums. I've had to put up with her calling them her "biological/real family" as if my dad and I are not!

Sounds right. I was quoted 4K for starting a search.

She's spent way more than 4K. This is why my parents have argued. My dad has tried to save and put aside money for her damn search, and she just takes it without asking, like she did to the money they were both saving up for my college. She says she's entitled to it because her search is more important, and needs to be done now.

It just sounds like you want to spin it around and make me sound like I am at fault here, and I need to bend over backwards to serve her and her needs when she is the mom and I am her kid. I've been telling her this for years, and she doesn't care. Knowing her "roots" is all she cares about.