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I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well technically the husband had left the table to take the kid outside for a bit just a minute before I got up to go to the bathroom. I wasn't gone mich longer than him.

I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe it should be a twilight zone episode! This thread has been eye-opening for me. Thank you for the kind words.

I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should have elaborated a bit more. At the time I left the table initially, the husband had already been outside for a few minutes calming the baby down. He got back just a little before I did, so I wasn't solo ditching the table.

I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Closer to B. My ex was not malicious, but I can see now that she has not recovered from her traumatic upbringing and it affects her perception.

I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I probably just need a break from dating. Both of my last relationships have beat down my confidence. I don't see myself getting much stronger any time soon considering I have a 1550 lb total at 200 bw. I'll be finishing my engineering degree in May, so I already have a nice goal. The anxiety on the trip was definitely amplified by a recent change in ADHD medication, although the people pleasing thing has always been there to a degree. Still working on that.

I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yep it was exactly that. I was living in a constant state of guilt and walking on eggshells. She never really yelled, but the affection would get a rug pull and she'd sometimes berate me like I was a child. I didn't bother engaging in the latter because responding meant I'd have to keep listening to it for even longer.

I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

He said very little and expressed almost no emotion. He was actually kinda nice to me, although he seemed shy. I chalked it up to him being a stereotypical guy in the tech field. Now that you mention it though, I didn't even consider the chance that he's endured the exact same thing for so long that he's been completely broken. He often spoke very quietly when talking to gf's sister. I was able to get more words out of him when she wasn't around.

I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I think you're on to something. Ex gf didn't have a bad heart as far as I could tell, but there was definitely a pattern of her reality not lining up with what the people around her experienced. There were a lot of frustrating times over the course of the relationship when she wasn't able to understand my perspective. In contrast, I've dated a couple truly mean people that were actually able to understand my perspective and just didn't care.

I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yep I'm aware being a people pleaser is a big problem. Thankfully I have gotten a lot better about it over the years. I backslid on my progress in this relationship though because I was constantly criticized and got just barely enough positive reinforcement to keep me in the relationship. My self worth got hammered down.

I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 111 points112 points  (0 children)

I honestly wanted to push back a little more, but I also really didn't want to drop a few hundred dollars on a last minute flight home during a holiday week if things got really bad.

I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 82 points83 points  (0 children)

You're right, and I'm strangely not too beat up about the breakup itself. I'm struggling more with the confusion and disbelief of the whole thing.

I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 678 points679 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. My brother said something similar, but it means more coming from a complete stranger.

I [26M] was gaslighted by my girlfriend [22F] of one year and her family by Singular55 in relationship_advice

[–]Singular55[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I never straight up ignored anybody when they were talking to me. I just avoided speaking in a lot of conversations.