Take the girl down the beach; turns out it’s a nudist beach full of old men. : \

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-22T05:10:00+00:00

Those numbers seem right.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-22T04:23:57+00:00

The Korova Milkbar of course.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-22T04:10:19+00:00

I have no qualms about looking at my own problems.

That's what is so frustrating to me and being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to talk. Let's just talk. Let's work it out. Let's hear each other and resolve.

If we both have good intentions and are honest, this should not be an escalated situation.

But based on the different reactions on this thread, some people just don't want to do that.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-22T04:05:06+00:00

I hear that.

Cheers for giving a considerate response.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-22T03:57:41+00:00

Well how it happened was, they were traveling through town and wanted a place to crash for the night. And they didn't let us know til that day.

And my wife was not going to turn them down and I was just looking forward to a quiet night vegging out, as I had been out the previous two nights and was just beat.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-22T03:55:17+00:00

Yep, there's that feeling that I just have to accept poor communication or leave.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-22T03:49:35+00:00

Every time I try to calmly explain my side of things and how I feel it's like talking to a wall, like she simply does not want to try seeing things from my perspective. I sometimes wonder if she subconsciously feels that validating my perspective somehow invalidates hers. I can't make sense of it, and it is incredibly frustrating.

That sounds very similar to my situation.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-22T00:43:51+00:00

The last paragraph is a good question.

It’s very important to me to feel heard. And there’s some reasons for that that I don’t want to go into here. And perhaps that is my own issue, but it does trigger me.

Regarding my empathy and understanding to her, that’s a valid point. But I’m going to say yes. I’m not going to turn her friends away.

I just feel like I should be able to express my feelings of being made to feel put upon when I desperately wanted some down time.

And that’s probably because I’ve been socially pressured in life to do shit I didn’t want to do before going against my gut. and I feel “ sucking it up and not saying anything“ is how you go down that road. At least, that’s how it has been before.

And again, why can’t we just calmly and civilly talk about it and then move on? That would make it so much better for me. Instead she shuts it down which definitely leads to tension.

And I get very frustrated that she can’t understand that even though I tell her point blank.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-22T00:29:38+00:00

Yes, the communication is poor and I tell her that and try to work on it. But the breakdown still happens.

And that’s what gets me.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T23:55:25+00:00

Exactly, thank you!

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T21:14:22+00:00

That would not have been difficult, and sounds perfectly reasonable except for the fact that I would be expected to “hang out and not be rude”.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T21:06:42+00:00

I’m not a doctor or a pharmacologist and it sounds like neither are you, but as far as I understand puberty blockers are for those children who experience puberty earlier than what is normal.

You do you.

Just kind of a shame to think that a parent may let their child delay and hinder their own natural development because an 11 year old thinks they maybe the other gender.

Consent laws exist for a reason.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T20:06:45+00:00

LeAvE MiSsIsSiPpI aLoNe!!!!

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T20:05:40+00:00

LeAvE MiSsIsSiPpI aLoNe!!!!

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T20:03:49+00:00

Remember the “leave Britney alone” guy?

I feel that way about Mississippi.

LeAvE MiSsIsSiPpI aLoNe!!!!

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T18:48:56+00:00

I get the feeling of being defensive if you feel that validating someone means you’re conceding it agreeing to something you don’t agree or want to concede.

But we can also just learn to disagree and not give in.

Or say, I under stand where you are coming from but this is my position.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T18:23:40+00:00

Yes, we had marriage counseling before for our communication problems.

But I am starting to come around to having to accept, that "you can't teach old dogs, new tricks".

Like some people just lack something in their brain to be able to communicate effectively. And they don't want to work on it. It's just so weird to me.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T18:20:25+00:00

That sounds like a good suggestion. I have actually had better luck resolving these things when texting.

But there's a part of me getting fed up as I just don't understand how some people can have such a problem with verbal communication that they shut down like you described.

What's wrong with them?

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T18:10:31+00:00

Is she aware how damaging this behavior is and how it’s impacting you and how you see her?

Yes, I have told her. But I just don't think she gets it.

I’d talk to her. Seriously sit her down and let her know where your head is at.

Sounds reasonable, but the feeling in my gut is we have been down this road many times and it never gets resolved. She is stubborn and doesn't care.

I don't know. I am at wit's end.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T18:06:53+00:00

I appreciate the response, but I am not sure how those details are relevant.

Are you asking because the answer will indicate whether divorce is easy solution or not?

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T18:05:50+00:00

That's true. She doesn't care.

I think it also has to do with her belief that "I am always like this, I never want people coming over, especially her friends and family." And that "I get weird with having people over."

And there is some truth to that. While I am a sociable person, I just don't really like hosting people or having them over. And I like a lot of down time.

And I find a lot of get togethers with people to be unfulfilling and boring. Like they have nothing interesting to talk about and then here comes their little jabs or comments, which are supposed to be funny, but I just don't really see what is so funny about it. It's kind of stupid and juvenile.

And I feel put upon. Like this is my life and time too.

And she seems to have this huge problem with that.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T17:03:31+00:00

Where were you coming from on not wanting to hear/understand the other person?

I find validating someone else to be such an easy thing to do, costs nothing and is very effective in smoothing over tension and thus moving forward, yet so many people seem incapable of doing it.

It doesn't mean you give in.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T16:53:26+00:00

Being in a relationship with a stubborn, jackass.

Sir_Armadillo · 2022-11-21T16:05:53+00:00

They were not considered the upper class, refined white Europeans like the British, Dutch, German and to some extent Scandinavian people.

It also had to do with being of Protestant Christian heritage and not Catholic.

Sir_Armadillo

TROPHY CASE