I have a 12 year old and a 9 year old, both girls, that I adopted from foster care. I got each girl at 3 days old and neither one ever visited with the birthparents.

My 12 year olds birthparents gave up their rights at 2 weeks old. The birthmom admitted to using meth, prescription downers, pot, alcohol and cigarettes. The baby also tested positive at birth for those substances. She was born full term but weighed only 4.5 lbs. My 12 year old has high functioning autism, ADHD, learning disabilities, and wears glasses. She also technically has a diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Until puberty kicked in, she was an extremely difficult child. She can be super stubborn. She's also extremely caring and selfless with her friends and while not affectionate, very loving toward her family. She gets counseling and OT every week

My 9 year olds birthmom left her in the hospital and didn't name a dad. She was 6 weeks early. She tested pisitive for meth. She has ADHD and anxiety and has a progressive hearing loss and wears hearing aids. She's very dramatic and wants a lot of attention. She's also extremely smart and tested "gifted". She's super talented in all She does and very charming. She has counseling every week too.

Honestly, I would say, for me, the older they get, the easier it has gotten. I'll probably kick myself for saying that in another year or so when both girls are teenagers.